Well, That Was Awkward


Monthly visitor be damned, I finally got my orgasms.

After our get together the other night I was unsure if I would see him again this week. Mainly because we are both busy and I was still on my period.

I had a meeting that ran a little late last night so by the time I got home I was a little tired and looking forward to showering and curling up in bed with a glass of wine. But after I showered I saw my Russian had sent me a text. We were talking back and forth like this:

Him: “Whatcha doing?”

Me: “Just got out of the shower, you?”

Him: “Just got a massage. Talking with my buddy right now.”

Me: “Well that must be nice!”

Him: “Feel like watching one of those movies tonight?”

(He recently bought a few new movies)

Me: “Hmmm I would say so”

Him: “Put on some jeans and get over here”

Me: “Lol I’ll get dressed now. And jeans? It’s hot!”

(I always forget he likes me in jeans)

Him: “Not in my house”

Me: “Fine, but only because you asked :)”


Well I finished getting dressed and made my way over to his house. I’m not sure where my ex was but I really just wanted to see the Russian. I get there and see him standing there in just jeans and no shirt on brushing his teeth. Holy shit, I almost jumped him right there. He puts a shirt on (to my disappointment) and makes us drinks. I look through the movies he bought and picked one out for us to watch.

As he’s fixing us drinks he mentions to me that the guy he was visiting with runs a local business that I go to fairly regularly for lunch and he tried to suggest setting my Russian up with me. The Russian said, “Yeah he told me about you and asked if I knew you. He said you’re really pretty, seem super sweet and have a great job. And that he didn’t see a ring on your finger. So he was trying to think who he could set you up with and then he realized we worked together so he thought of me.” He jokingly said he told him hell no, and then told me, “I gave him shit at first because I’m single and one of his best friends but I wasn’t his first thought to set up with you. Then I told him you were the one I had been spending time with. He couldn’t believe you were the one I had been talking about.”

Well, there’s another person who knows about us now. To what extent, I’m not sure but the Russian is becoming more comfortable with telling people about us it seems. I also tell him about what happened to my lip and that I’ve never had that happen before. It finally went away but I made him laugh when I said, “How would I even explain that if someone noticed? Oh yeah, I just was sucking some serious dick and he bruised my lip??!” He literally almost fell over laughing. He said that’s one thing he can scratch off his bucket list. I smacked him for that.

Once he makes us drinks we start the movie, it was decent but we talked a lot throughout it. We also really played with each other a lot. I think I’m becoming more comfortable with him again so it allows me to be silly and joke with him more. I also opened up about some of my own personal weird tendencies and he seemed okay with it. He actually told me stuff about himself so it made me feel better about my own weirdness. We really just had fun with each other during this movie, talking and joking with each other. He would be a smart ass with me and then he would be sweet on me. Which is something I really like and I do that too.

Once the movie officially ended we just turned the TV to regular satellite and put it on a random channel. At some point he asks me if I have a problem with his bathroom. Now, I just have an issue with using the bathroom at a guy’s house in general. I don’t really feel comfortable with it, plus I can normally hold it for a long time if necessary. Well he goes on to tell me he wishes I would be comfortable enough to use his bathroom and he always makes sure it’s clean when I come over. And I will say he has an immaculately clean bathroom so that always impresses me.

After we talk for a little bit more I start to kiss on him and rub his dick. I love when he dirty talks too, it is super sexy. After we do this for a little while he asks if I will put him to bed. I laugh and tell him yes.

We walk to his bed and he lays down with me on top of him. We start to kiss deeply and I continue to rub his dick. Doing so immensely turned me on. At one point I just say “Fuck” out loud and he asks me what’s wrong. I tell him that I just want him so bad, he asks if it’s still a bad time and I say yes. He reminds me that he doesn’t care about that and we can just use a towel. Now, I’m still not comfortable with that and I tell him I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to relax enough. Well after some coaxing on his part I grab a condom from his drawer, lean back and go to the bathroom.

When I come back he tells me to grab a towel and he puts it underneath him. I pull his pants off and start to suck on his dick. He then start to undo my pants and slides them off of me. I reach for the lube he keeps and he pours some in my hand. I rub it onto his cock and then he opens the condom packet and slides it onto himself. I position myself on top of him and slowly slide him inside me. It has felt like weeks since we’ve had sex so I had to take it slow at first, but we fell into a rhythm rather quickly. He made me cum several times and managed to take control a few times while I was on top. He still holds onto my throat and pulls my hair when I’m on top which drives me crazy.

Probably my proudest moment was the fact that I did make him come while I was not only on top but also that it didn’t take me a long time to do so. It probably had to do with the fact I made him come a day and a half ago. I pulled out my best girl on top move and I guess he couldn’t resist it. I try not to bring that one out because I know it will cause a guy to come fairly quickly. He came inside me, with a condom on mind you, and I rode him the entire time. Afterwards, I almost passed out with him inside me. He pulled me to one side of him and laid me on his chest. We passed out like that and I loved it. He normally gets up right afterwards and doesn’t do the post-sex cuddle. He has lately though.


After a few hours I start to try to see what time it is and he does his usual squeeze me tighter and not let me move thing. So I just lay there with him for a little while. I can’t wait till we can really spend the night with each other and not worry about time.

Eventually he gets up to go to the bathroom and start to get dressed. He’s just in his t-shirt and nothing else which is super sexy. We kiss and hug goodbye then I leave.

Now this part is somewhat embarrassing and if you can relate, let me know so I can feel better.

As I’m driving back I get a text:

Him: “Where did the condom go? I got up and tossed it?”

Me: “Yeah you did…or I thought so??”

Him: “Shit…I remember cumming but not tossing. Apparently I did lol”

Me: “You can’t find it? Lol I thought you did toss it at some point”

Oh but he didn’t. I get to my house and realize why I was feeling weird. Yes, that’s right, the condom was still inside of me. That has never happened before so I was slightly freaked out and didn’t know if I should tell him. I didn’t really want to but decided it would be best.

Me: “Ummm I found it.”


I sent that and passed out. Then bright and early this morning he sent me a text back.

Him: “No way. That crossed my mind”

Me: “Yeah well that had never happened before but it crossed my mind so I thought I’d check”

Him: “Kinda defeated the purpose! Unless the end was out”

Me: “Lol! I just was not expecting that at all”

Him: “I’m guessing that means it wasn’t….”

Me: “No it was!”

Him: “Oh lol that’s a plus”

Him: “So you were just carrying around a little baggy of…good thing you didn’t get a full cavity search!”

Me: “Why would I get a full cavity search?! And yep, I knew I felt…kinda weird but I just thought well it had just been a little while lol but that’s what that feeling was apparently”

Him: “You would get one if I pulled you over. Wow lol.

Me: “Hmmm that would be fun lol”

Him: “Perve ;)”

Me: “You know you like it ;)”

Him: “Yes I do”

Me: “:)”


I will say that made me feel a lot better that he wasn’t acting weird or grossed out by it. But still!! I did not know what to do or think about that. But I guess it’s all progress. He’s more open with me now and I really appreciate it. Let’s just see how it all goes this weekend.

What about you? Ever have a condom left behind inside you or someone else? Was it awkward explaining it? Or even finding it?! I’m up to hearing your embarrassing stories as well!


Making Progress


So since my last update and the wonderful arrival of my monthly visitor the past week has been interesting to say the least. Let’s pick up from Thursday shall we?

Thursday. I decided to go out to a pretty popular hangout with a few of my friends, mainly to get out of the house and to get my mind off things. I hadn’t really heard from the Russian. I sent him a text the day before and he half-heartedly responded so I just left it alone. Then on Thursday he came by my office asking if I knew where another employee was. I was a little short with him because I was annoyed with him, and he did surprise me. Of course he did text me afterwards.

Him: “If you’re too short with me people may get suspicious ;)”

Me: “Well you normally don’t come to my office so I was surprised lol”

And that was it. So back to Thursday night. I hadn’t heard anything else from him and I was getting fairly drunk early on in the night. I ran into the ex while out, which made things a little awkward at first. Then later into the night the Russian texts me and asks where I am. I tell him and ask where he is. As it turns out he is at the same place. He asks me to come see him and drunk me happily obliged. When we found each other it was pretty instant that we could not keep our hands to ourselves. He introduced me to the group he was with, they all seemed really nice and maybe a little impressed with me. He then asked if I wanted a drink and I told him so he walked me to the bar.


Now, do remember dear reader my ex was at this point still at the same place. Maybe. So we get to the bar and order drinks. We both then start to touch on each other in small ways. Then some members of his family walk up and he introduces them to me. A little later one of my friends got tired and asked if I’d bring her to her apartment right down the road. I told the Russian and he asked if I would come back, which I did.

I get back and then we really start to get frisky with each other. I slowly started to kiss on him and he did the same to me. We then also started to whisper back and forth to each other about what we wanted to do in regards to staying there or leaving. We decide to dance for a little bit then leave, and I will say, he can dance very, very well. After a few songs I asked him if we could leave. As we walk out with each other we are laughing and joking with each other the entire time. When we get to the elevators he starts to pick me up and kiss all over me. By the time we get into an elevator things have intensified. He tried to stop the elevator before it got to the floor but I wouldn’t let him. When we reach my vehicle he pushes me against it and we begin to forcefully kiss each other. Finally in my vehicle I start to drive to get us some late night food.

During the drive he is leaning over to suck on my breasts and pretty much finger me while I drive. I also have my hand in his lap playing with him. At some point, and I know this wasn’t safe, but I have his dick pulled out and he tells me to suck it while he steers. I’ve given road head before but never while I was driving. That was interesting to say the least!

I finally stop because it just is not safe for us to be doing. We get some food and go to his house. While we eat together we just joke around and play on the couch. After we eat he picks me up and carries me to his bed. He stands me up so he can lay down, then he looks at me and says, “Come here to me pretty girl.” I take my shoes off and climb into his bed. He’s on his back and holds me in his arms. He then tells me I need to get closer to him so he lays me on top of him and just holds me. I had my face buried in his neck and could just breathe his scent in. We then fell asleep with each other like this for probably two hours. I wake up and try to lift my head but he then squeezes me tighter and won’t let go. When I see the time I tell him I really need to go. I had work the next day and he didn’t. I also was still pretty drunk at this point. He holds me some more and then finally walks me to my car. We kiss and I drive to the house. We text a little when I get home but then I pass out instantly.

When I wake up he was already texting me. We continued to talk the majority of the day which was nice. I had the house to myself that weekend and I had told him but he mentioned to me he had plans Saturday. He didn’t really elaborate on it so I didn’t pester him for more information. Well later that night he let me know what his plans were and that he didn’t want me to think he was ignoring the fact I was alone all weekend. I thought this was really impressive of him to finally tell me if he wasn’t going to be able to talk and why. I was fine with it and was super busy the next two days. We did talk each day with one another so that was nice. Monday we were talking and he made a joke about BJs that night and I had a feeling he’d be asking to see me soon.

Well Tuesday came along and later that afternoon he asked if I had plans and I said no so we decided to see each other. This visit we had several deep conversations about this relationship and what was going on. I’m not quite sure how it started since I had been drinking so keep that in mind. We had been playing with each other and when we started the movie we both got fairly into it so we were discussing details about it. At some point we are talking and he reaches up to grab my breast and makes a comment about my bra, as usual, so I tell him to take it off. He does. Then at some point he reaches to touch my under my shorts and I squirm away, which he knows normally I let him touch, so he asks if it’s a bad week. I say yes and he pouts for a minute! He then asks me why I don’t take the medicine that gives me one every three months. I just look at him and laugh. I tell him that would be nice but porbably would not work for me. Well a little later he then does the same thing but tells me to trust him. He then proceeds to rub my clit until I have an orgasm. Well he continues to do so again and I tell him to go easy because it’s been awhile since he’s made me cum so I get sore easier. He then lifts me up and lays me across his lap, he then proceeds to continue to rub my clit. Again, I tell him to go easy and he asks me why, to which I give him the above explanation. He then tells me, “Well, I’ll give you three orgasms if you think you can handle that.” And he continues to do so until I have three orgasms. When he finished he brought me up to his chest and I laid like that in his lap for a little bit to calm down. After this he started the movie back. We actually finished this movie and proceeded to put another one in.


We did not watch any of the next movie we put in. When I put it in and he made us more drinks we just instantly started talking. We were discussing some people at work and how some of them have warned me against him or make comments about him. Now, I had never told him any of this because I wanted to judge him for myself and get to know him. Plus, I knew it would upset him to know some people had things to say about him. He’s big about trust with people in his life so I knew this would definitely make him mad.

I’m not sure if I ever wrote about this but there had been another girl in the office he previously had been seeing. They actually work in the same department and have offices close to each other. Since he’s more of a senior guy he had to mentor her. Now I’m not dumb so I knew they had something before he and I started seeing each other. He had stated that he wasn’t sure about if there were other guys I was spending time with and I told him not to be ridiculous. He then asked how many I was seeing and I said just one and thumped his nose.

Well I finally grew some balls and flat out asked him, “Am I the only one you are seeing currently?” I just needed to know either way. He tells me I am the only one he has seen or been with for the past few months. He was honest with me and told me he had been seeing the other girl but not that often. He said that he knew we were both smart, had a lot going for us and are both attractive but he claims he couldn’t see any relationship with the other girl. But with me he sees that and sees a lot in me he really likes. Well I told him if that’s true I really appreciate that because, well, I’m not dumb and I won’t just believe everything he says until he can prove to me I can trust him.

Well we were talking about his ex that cheated on him, the fact her father works for the company and has said stuff to me about him in the ways of a warning. He mentioned how his ex has been wanting to see him and sleep with him again and he claims he has been telling her he isn’t interested and to just stop. I did outright ask him if he thought he would ever get back together with his ex and he said pretty much hell no. He then told me a lot of stuff about how that relationship was and that it never felt right and he wouldn’t want to go back to that.

Well he made a comment that, while it was meant to make me feel better, was a little in poor taste. He mentioned confronting the guy and saying not only his exes name and how she was not a good person that he thought she was but then mentioning the other girl and then me saying we were really nice girls. Well I kind of made a face and turned back to the television. Because, honestly I was getting tired of hearing the other girl’s name and feeling compared to her and I told him that. I told him I have a tendency to get slightly jealous but I hide it well.

I did say I understand them having to work together and having to talk to each other about work, but in the other aspect I don’t want things thrown in my face. I blatantly said, “I am an only child so I view things differently. So the point is that what’s mine is mine, I don’t share with others.”  He told me he completely understood and felt the same way. He also apologized for the comment and that he was just worked up because he’s tired of people backstabbing him and going out of their way to possibly ruin things. He was genuinely worried he had ruined the night because he claimed my chemistry changed after that and he was extremely apologetic with it.


He made a comment that still is sticking with me though, “How do these guys not realize that they are making comments to you and how it could really affect the way you think and feel. They don’t realize them saying those things can do serious damage. Especially when you care for someone.”

Then we kind of discussed the same fear he has that if I could do this to my ex could I do it to him. I reminded him that this situation is not something I’ve ever done before and that when I told my closest friends about it and him they were completely shocked because this is not me.

He also reminded me that we had been seeing each other for almost a year now. That’s just crazy to me when I think about it. I even told him it didn’t feel like that long. I asked him if he would believe me more about my feelings when I’ve moved out and he said yes, that it’s hard for him to fully trust what I say since I’m still living with my ex. And I understand that, he even told me that while he doesn’t mean to be hesitant with me he just doesn’t want to get his hopes up and things between us fall through.

That could happen with even normal people I think but we will see. After we talked more about all this and I finally told him that even though people may tell me stuff about him I don’t believe it and I think he is a really good guy. I kissed his cheek like I had been doing just to make him relax a little. I also told him that’s why I decided to get to know him myself and see what I thought about things with him.

When we finally started the new movie we were both tired so he lay back on the couch and pulled me to lie on top of him. We fell asleep like that for a little while. It was so sweet too, anytime I would move he would squeeze me tighter and moan a little. Eventually he woke up and woke me up too. We started to kiss and things led from one thing to another with me eventually asking if I could suck his dick. His answer? Yes, please.

This probably lasted about 45 minutes and as I’ve said before, I love doing that to him because he gets involved in it. Take a note guys, the more you moan and talk, run your fingers through a girls hair or even hold her hair, touch her and just all around make her feel good…your BJ experience will even better and she may even enjoy it. I actually got extremely close to having an orgasm while I was doing it this time. After he came I laid on his chest and made a comment that my upper lip felt really swollen but just laughed it off. Well we just lay on the couch talking and cuddling for a little while. I started playing around with him and he was doing the same with me. He started telling me he had been having trouble sleeping again and was tired, I told him he needed to take his meds again so he could sleep better. He definitely seemed like he was ready to pass out. When I left he got dressed and walked me out, he looked so sweet all sleepy and pouty.

As soon as I drove off he sent me a text.

Him: “:)”

Me: “:))”

I passed out when I got home but first thing this morning he was texting me.

Him: “Sorry I went on about _____. Between that and _____, I was pretty disappointed even though I expected it.”

Me: “I know and that’s why I didn’t want to tell you about it. I really don’t believe you’re like that though if that helps any.”

Him: “I appreciate it. I’d rather know though even if it initially pisses me off.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll remember that but I still hate that I had to tell you and you got mad. I don’t like doing that especially when I  don’t believe what I’m told.”

Him: “What did ______ say bad about me…just that “an (his profession)” dated his daughter and it wasn’t fun? I got            ______’s gist….I’m a player and wreck homes for sports.

Me: “Just that I had to watch out for certain guys who worked there. Then he mentioned that one of the guys dated his       daughter and that he wasn’t a very good guy. He never mentioned you specifically but since you had already told me                 about it I knew he meant you.”

Him: “He indirectly said me…how many guys dated his daughter. And you’d have asked around if you didn’t already          know. I won’t say anything…wouldn’t want to give the satisfaction of thinking they matter.”

Me: “I know you wouldn’t, and you shouldn’t care what they say. Especially if you know it’s not true and can easily explain                what actually happened compared to what they try to say…I know it still is infuriating when people say stuff like that,   because a person without any sense could choose to believe what they heard instead of giving you the benefit of at least      proving them wrong.”

Him: “Yep”

Me: “I still don’t like that I told you something that made you mad :/”

Him: “Nah”

Him: “So what made you ask if I’d get back with me ex?”

Me: “You had mentioned she was texting you again wanting to see you so I just thought I’d ask”

And well that was it. Work had started so I’m guessing he got busy but I’m sure I will hear from him soon. So that was my past week, I definitely feel like I’m making some type of headway with my Russian and hopefully it will keep on going.

And by the way, the inside of my top lip has like a blood blister or something so it’s still swollen. Apparently I got too excited and forgot to give my top lip a break from covering my teeth!!

Any thoughts you’d like to share with me? What are your thoughts on dealing with people trying to start things about you when involved in your love life? What about exes trying to come back into the picture? I’d love to hear about it!



Being a Woman. Ugh.


There are some days when being a woman really just sucks. Ugh.

It’s the week before my period and I’m feeling bloated, tired, emotional and just ugly. All I want is to lay in bed, watch sappy movies and cry. If you knew me in real life I am rarely ever like this. Plus everything the Russian does or doesn’t do gets to me more than it should. We’ve talked every day and I like that but he has yet to ask to see me.

Not that I’m sure I’d even want him to be around me with all this shit going on inside of me.


Then the ex has been trying to be sexual with me since he realizes I’ll be moving out in like two weeks. And he’s getting all worked up for nothing because sex between us is over. Not only is it a bad idea but I don’t want to do that to the Russian. Isn’t that terrible?

Fuck. Now I’m feeling like a shitty person.


I just want the Russian to ask me to see me and then rub my back and tell me I’m pretty. It shouldn’t be that difficult.

Okay, my ranting is done. Well, for right now anyways.

Yes Sir.


I feel like I need to get something off my chest. Especially since I’m not sure if it would be something I could tell the Russian at this point in the relationship. I’ve been doing a lot of research and thinking about D/S relationships. I know my personality well enough to realize that while I am a wild, smart ass and rambunctious young woman I really crave the type of relationship that can give the control, protection and guidance of a Dom. Now, I believe the Russian could be that way. He’s already implied to me several times in regards to my smart ass tendencies that I just haven’t been with the right person who can keep me in line. He also, as you know in previous posts, likes to be more in control of me when we are together.

It’s hard to explain because as much as I would like to experience something more like that it scares me. Mainly because I’ve never had anyone do the things he’s done to me so it has opened my mind up. Of course I’ve had my ass slapped but he’s the first one to put me over his lap to do it, the first one to grab my face and tell me to be a good girl or to even pull my hair in a way that lets me know he’s in control. All of things I just can’t get enough of, to the point I want to ask for it. How do I tell him I love to call him “Sir” when we are in the moment and I want him to go further with some of the things we already do? I can easily see that side of him but I wonder if he’s afraid to hurt me? He always stops if I tell him to but he knows my limits too so he’s never actually hurt me.

Would it be something I’d want in my everyday life, I’m not sure. It would be fun because I love to smart off to him and know he’s going to do something to me later about it. But with the other parts of my personality I don’t know, I sometimes hate being told what to do and have someone dictate my life…is it possible to have both? Or am I just out of my mind?

If there is anyone out there with real experience with these types of relationships or just has advice please feel free to let me know your thoughts!

I’m Scared You’ll Forget About Me


I’m officially paranoid I may have messed things up with the Russian over the weekend. Maybe I didn’t and I’m making a bigger deal of things but I’m not sure.

Friday night we didn’t see each other but we talked most of the day and night. The next day I spent getting things arranged for my move and did stuff around my house all day and afternoon. While we were talking we decided to see each other that night for our usual thing. I picked up food and more alcohol since he was out. I got there and while we ate we watched the newest episodes of the show he got me hooked on until I was finally caught up. Admittedly, I was drinking faster than normal so I was slightly drunk early on.

We were flipping through the channels watching different things and joking around. To me he was acting a little distant and, thanks to dear alcohol, I voiced that he was acting weird and he said you always say that if I’m not all over you, I tell him it isn’t that but he needed to quit it. We joked around more and laughed it off. At some point, we were watching this thing that led us to have a discussion about politics and women. I’m all for talking about these things but not when I’m drinking. He was making me slightly annoyed and I kept saying I don’t want to have this argument right now but he kept on with it. I told him while I respect his opinions he was being slightly insulting in his comparisons and examples.


We finally stopped talking about that and decided to watch a movie. We were playing with each other in his kitchen so things went back to normal. We started the movie and I was leaning on him. After a while he kept putting his hands on my face and playing with my lips, I grabbed his finger between my teeth and he made the comment “Oh is that all you got?” Wellllll…in my mind I barely bit down but apparently it was harder than I intended. He made a comment I hurt him and he was kind of pouting about it. I apologized to him and all that jazz. I could tell he was annoyed so I leaned to the other side of the couch to keep watching the movie. He started to get more playful with me after a while so I felt better.

I started to notice he was getting tired, it was fairly late, so I just mentioned I can leave if he’s ready to go to bed. He told me he didn’t want me to leave he was just yawning. Well a little later he asked if I wouldn’t mind heating up my leftovers for him. I told him I didn’t mind so I heated the food up for him and brought it into the living room. After he ate he decided he wanted to try out his new mattress and asked me to come try it too. When he got in it he felt one side and then the other and said, “Yep this is my side of the bed” and pulled me close to him. As I’ve said before he prefers to be “little spoon” but would hold onto my arm and lace his legs over mine. Well after a little while we both fell asleep. I didn’t plan on it since I wasn’t tired but it is a comfy bed. I woke up after almost two hours and was, well, horny.

I reached my hand down and started to touch his member. He started to groan a little but didn’t wake up, I kept on with it until I had his pants undone. Eventually I rolled him over and started to suck on him. He woke up at that point. After a little while he pulled me up and said he had to go to the bathroom. When he came back he laid down again but just pulled me back against his back. He positioned me a certain way so I took that as he didn’t want to continue on since he was tired. I didn’t try anything else but I did roll over because I got hot. Probably two seconds after I rolled over he reached over and started rubbing his hand over my ass and then stuck his hand down the back of my shorts. He then pulled his hand out and rolled me over. He then put my arm a certain way around him and then put my legs around his. I wasn’t sure about what he wanted but I whispered that he was killing me with this.

He played all shy but then stood up and turned some music on so it wouldn’t be so quiet. He came back and resumed the same position he was in earlier but this time he put his hand down my shorts and proceeded to give me an orgasm and then another. At some point he rolled over and I started to suck his dick again. After doing so for a little while he pulled me up and asked me, “Do you want to keep sucking my dick or do you want me to fuck you?” I told him I always want to do both but it was up to him. He then grabbed onto my hair and said, “What do you want?” I then told him I wanted to fuck him. I reached into his drawer and pulled out a condom and the lube. I resumed sucking his dick until he put lube on my hand. I rubbed the lube on him while he got the condom ready, I stopped while he put it on.

I probably only have one thought, I can’t call it a complaint because I had way too many orgasms to complain. I’m always on top it feels like. Always. And it isn’t like he doesn’t do things while I am on top and I do enjoy being on top but sometimes a girl just wants to feel the weight of a man on top of her or even from behind. But I did get him to cum with me on top which I felt proud of doing. I have this one move I do that apparently drives him crazy and he kept asking me to do it the normal way I do and then at different angles.

We had sex for well over an hour, maybe almost two. Plenty of hair pulling, ass slapping and dirty talking all those things I love. Before he came he asked me that when he did cum if I would keep jacking him off till he was done. I almost was a smart ass and said, “If I let you cum on my face do think I’d say no to that?” I didn’t say that though. When he came he pulled himself out of me and I proceeded to do as he asked. We lay together for a little while after, I was laying on his chest trying to catch my breath and he held me like that.

When we got up I got dressed and got some water. It was almost 5 in the morning so I was starting to wonder if he’d ask me to stay or not. That was a no. He walked me out to my car and kissed me goodbye and told me to let him know that I made it back to the house.

I did but I knew I wouldn’t hear from him because it was so late and he’s even told me he always sees that I text him and he tries to text back but sometimes just falls asleep.

The next day I felt so stupid for my behavior. And maybe you don’t think it was that bad but I just feel like I messed up. We did talk Sunday night. He asked if I watched the newest episode, which I didn’t get to, and then we talked about my house. Monday he actually parked his truck right next to mine. Which was intentional because there were plenty of spots besides that one. Later that night after a stressful meeting I sent him a text:

Me: “These meetings make me want to shoot myself in the knee sometimes”

Him: “Not the face?”

Me: “The knee would be a better way to suffer…I don’t want to die lol”

But that was it. He didn’t ask about the meeting or anything. I haven’t heard anything from him I’m sure I will again but it causes me to think even more that I did something wrong and pissed him off. I don’t think he should be that mad over it, mainly because he does stuff to me I don’t like. Like touching my face or being drunk and saying dumb shit like he has before. Maybe I’m making a mountain out of a molehill but the fact we haven’t really talked doesn’t make me feel any better.

What are your thoughts? Ever do anything stupid like that and immediately regret doing it? How did you handle the situation afterward? 


Oh Those Things You Do


Last night was very unexpected to say the least. If you are wondering, dear reader, did I go meet the Russian at the bar last night the answer to that question is not really.

I hadn’t heard from him that afternoon so I had sent him a text letting him know my friends had bailed on me for the night. We talked about for a little bit, and then an hour or so later he mentioned that my roommate came up and talked to him for a minute. Talk about awkward and weird. He told me that it made him feel like an asshole. I can understand that because this situation is so strange and he knows the ex and I didn’t end on horrible terms so the Russian feels like he doesn’t have a reason to dislike him.

He asked me if I came to the bar and I told him that I had no one I could meet there besides him. He was a little sad and I told him that since it’s work guys there if we started drinking around each other and became too touchy around them it would make things very obvious. He agreed and asked what I was doing later, I had no plans since I was already in bed. We talked back and forth for a little while then I fell asleep. He sent me a text around midnight asking if I was up. I had been in and out of being awake so I told him I was and he asked if I would mind picking him up. He told me that he did have a ride with his friends but if I wasn’t tired he’d like me to get him.

So I drove over to get him, I will admit I was slightly nervous since my ex was still there and he could have easily seen the Russian get into my car. Thankfully that didn’t happen though. Once we were in my car driving he was telling me about the night and how things went with him seeing my ex. Then he told me about some stuff at work that had progressed. It was actually a fun ride together. He was buzzed but not completely drunk so that made it better.

Once we are inside he can see the shorts I’m in and makes a comment about them, then pulls me in for a hug. I kiss his neck and start to pull away but he holds me tighter. He then tells me he’s trying to take a picture of my ass in these shorts. Men. He finally gets a picture he likes and we sit in the living room. I wasn’t going to drink since it was already late and I didn’t need to wake up with a hangover again. As we are sitting he gives me more details about what was going on with work and it seems that slowly, but surely things are getting better.

He asks me if I have a curfew tonight and I tell him I never have a curfew, but that I just try to be somewhat respectful to the ex to avoid any fights or me getting kicked out.

We are playing with the tv when he mentions that he still hasn’t seen a certain movie yet and would like to take me but knows we could get caught. I then tell him that my ex is going out of town for the entire weekend. He tells me we can still be seen by someone, I kind of shrug my shoulders and say if we meet in the theater and it will dark no one could really say anything.

I had mentioned to him a while back about using an app on his game station to stream movies/television shows so he asks if I wouldn’t mind helping him with it. He then asks me if I want an orgasm before or after we start downloading this program, I tell him after and stand up to turn on the game station. He quickly grabs me and sits me on his lap while spreading my legs. He then slides his hand up my shorts and continues on till I have an orgasm. Well, maybe more like three. When he finally stops he lets me stand up again and get the remote.

Well we slowly start the process and talk the entire time. I ask him how the night was and we talk about that for a little bit. I mention to him that a coworker that we are both friends with had mentioned going that night and asked if I had heard about it. He stops me right there and tells me that this coworker is already aware of our situation. I look at him and ask what does he know? The Russian tells me that he knows we see each other and I’m completely shocked. Mainly because I am close to this coworker and he never mentioned knowing to me but I’ll admit when I think about certain things he would say now make sense. And the Russian mentions that the coworker told him he had brought up inviting me but that I played it off really well. He also tells me that he was trying to see how much he could trust both of us. We passed too, in case you were wondering.

I ask him why he’s always testing me and he says that he just wants to learn more about me. But that he believes I’d ever intentionally disappoint him or let him down. I told him I would try not to, no one is perfect though.

When the program finally downloads we start setting everything up, once it’s set up he forwardly asks me, “Would you like to watch a movie or make out?” I raise an eyebrow and look at him, “Well that’s right to the point huh?” He laughs and tells me we can do whatever I want. I lean over and start kissing his neck again, “So I guess that’s your answer huh?” I smile at him and shake my head. He then goes to get something and comes back to the living room. I make a comment that we need to turn the tv on or something because it’s so quiet, he then hands me his phone and tells me to start some music. I look through his list and pick an artist to make fun of him.

We laugh about and he starts to jokingly sing along with it. I start to kiss on his neck and then make my way to his lips. We start kissing and then I begin to slowly grind myself against him. I do this for a little bit till he pulls my face away from his and says, “Please.” I tilt my head and say, “Please what?” He shifts himself, grabs my face and says, “Please suck my dick.” I smile at him and slide down the couch to do what he asks. So after I’ve been giving him what he asked for he pulls me up and towards him to ask me if I want him to fuck me. I tell him yes of course. I then straddle him and I start to slowly put him inside me and when I have him maybe a quarter of the way in he lifts his hips up and suddenly pushes himself all the way inside me. This causes me to yell out since I wasn’t prepared for that. We only do me on top and sideways while on top, after some very intense and multiple orgasms he stands us up and walks me to the end of the couch. He lays me across the armrest and proceeds to fuck me from behind. And he knows I’m sore from the spankings he gave me last time but he gave me a few more until I had to ask him to stop. That really surprised him so he stopped for a little while. Before he came he asked me if I would give him another BJ until he came. Which I did but I teased him a lot with it. I know how he likes it so I would get him right to the edge and then I’d stop and change speeds. He caught onto that after a little while. Whenever he came I continued what I was doing until well after.

He pulled me up to his chest where I laid for a little while. I was completely exhausted and could have just passed out then and there. We finally get up, I get dressed but he continues to walk around naked which I just love. He kisses me bye and tells me to let him know when I’m home and I do. It wasn’t too late thankfully.

We’ve talked a bit today so we will see if he wants to see me this weekend since I’ll be by myself. It’s so weird how back and forth he can get sometimes but the chemistry between us is just intense. Oh Russian, the things you do to me.

Getting Chills


Well, last night was an interesting one to say the least. I hadn’t been expecting to hear from the Russian since we hadn’t talked during the day. After I got home and was doing a couple of things he had sent me a text asking if I had any plans for last night. I didn’t really have anything planned besides reading and relaxing. So he asked if I would want to come over for our usual “food, movie, alcohol” fest.

When I got over there, before we even started eating, he was telling me about the latest news on his work stuff. After he told me his updates we started eating and talking to each other. It was our normal conversation things, nothing crazy. After we ate he was fixing up his surround sound stuff and asked if I would pick out a few movies. I had noticed he had this super old cartoon movie in his collection so I pulled it out and asked why he had this movie. He went on to explain to me some stuff about his family that made me a little sad for him. He really had it rough as a kid growing up, especially being the oldest and the first son. I think he feels the need to control things in order to prevent bad things from happening.

I went ahead and picked out two movies then mentioned a comedy he had and we decided to watch that first. He made us some drinks and the movie started. At first I was sitting next to him with my legs tucked under me and then I got a little cramped so I stretched my legs across his lap, to which he began just massaging my legs.

He then was like I want to show you something, it’s kind of weird but it explains my family some. He then explained a back story on how his mom has always had some problems and since she started a second job she’s been doing a little better. Well her washing machine broke and she had to use another relative’s washer to wash her clothes and then she dried them back at her house. With her job she ended up getting a paid weekend off so she took the Russian’s sister and brother out of town. While they were gone he brought over his washer and dryer, hooked everything up for her and didn’t tell her he was doing it. He showed me the video of her reaction seeing what he had done and it was so funny but so sweet too.

After he showed me I had leaned over and kissed him on the cheek and told him that it was a really sweet gesture for him to do that. We continued watching the movie and at one point he reached over to see if I was wearing a bra and I was, he told me I was breaking the rules and I reminded him if he wanted it off he could take it off. A few minutes later I did take it off just to appease him, plus I knew he was expecting me to. Somehow we got on the topic of implants and what we thought about them. He’s not against them but he doesn’t think they are really necessary. I mentioned that I have thought about getting them but I do like mine even though they’re smallish they are pretty and perky. He made a comment that he loves mine and wouldn’t want to change them. Well he was doing something and I had leaned back on the couch laughing about something, this caused my shirt to pull tighter against me and show the outline of my breasts. He’s looking at me and says, “I want to take a picture of you just like that. You have no idea how sexy you are right now.” I roll my eyes and say no. We then get on the topic about him taking pictures of me without permission and he claims he deleted them but that he would like my permission one day for pictures like that.

Once this first movie ended we realized we were out of an ingredient for drinks. We decide to go get more and he makes the comment he wants me to go in there with no bra on and I look at him like he’s crazy. Because not only is it obvious I have no bra on but my nipples are hard. He notices this and says maybe he should go in but I can’t give him an erection because we both would be in trouble. Men. Once we get back he’s fixing our drinks and I’m walking around his living room area while we just talk with each other.

He tells me he bought a new mattress and got a great deal on it, so we started talking about furniture and eventually later we started having a conversation about rental properties.

So we have two movies picked out and I choose a certain one since the other was a comic book movie and he told me we would need to have a comic book movie lazy day so I could really catch everything. I tell him that would be fun and I’d like that, especially since it is possible to do so. Then he pauses the movie and tells me that he has really been wanting to take me out on dates but that he knows it probably isn’t the best time for us to try and do that. I tell him it’s okay and I understand but that I would like to go out to dinner and things like that with him eventually too. He then mentions that he will be out at a place with some of our mutual work friends and that if I wanted to “stop by” and hang out he would like that. He even mentioned that since I know multiple people that will be there it wouldn’t be weird or suspicious. I tell him I’ll think about it but I wouldn’t mind stopping by. Then of course he says that I could sit in his lap if I wanted. I laughed and said that would make things between us a little obvious. He then tells me that what happens outside of work is nothing we need to worry about and that he already talked to his boss about that issue.

Well we start the movie and about ten minutes in the main character is looking at diamonds and I make a comment when the actor says something about the quality. Well the Russian pauses the movie and we get into a discussion about diamonds and engagement rings. He then tells me he wants to show me this plan he has. He grabs his laptop and brings it over to us. He then starts talking to me and says that if for some reason things didn’t work out between us he would always want me to be successful. I laugh and agree with him, then he tells me he doesn’t see why things wouldn’t keep getting better with us. Unless I choose to end things, I remind him he could easily end things just as I could, he tells me that’s highly unlikely. I wanted to say something about not speaking to me but he was being sweet so I held off.

He then shows me this completely detailed plan he has on properties and the profit he could make off of them. I even told him I planned on renting my home out after a few years too since it will still be pretty brand new. After we talked through that and I asked some questions about it, I was pretty impressed. But I guess that’s how it is with older men, they already have their lives figured out and know what they want for the future. Which is definitely nice compared to what I am use to.

Then we got back on the topic of weddings and engagement rings. His view is that most rings cost between $10-15K (uh, my kind of estimate right there) and that weddings are about $15K. I stopped him right there and said that the wedding cost was fairly low for some people but that was my thoughts. We both agreed that some parents will offer the couple a lump sum of money in exchange for a wedding. He said, “Why don’t you start with a smaller ring, have a small wedding that will lead to the parents giving you some cash that can go to your future together?” I tell him that some women view the engagement ring as what their worth is to the man, he then asks me my thoughts on rings. I say, “Would I love a six carat engagement ring? Hell yes! But I would rather there be thought behind the moment and the ring. Then over years together maybe have upgrades of the center stone or ring all together.” That’s what my parents did any way and I loved it. I also tell him I would prefer a small wedding on a beach or somewhere far off and just include the closest people to me and the man I marry.

After we get off that subject he starts the movie and tells me he promises not to pause it anymore. I laugh because I know it isn’t true, he’s in a talking mood. He makes a comment that he feels like he is always the one talking and I just tell him I love to listen so it doesn’t bother me at all. We start the movie…again and get through more of it. At some point, we get on the subject about parts of the body. He makes a comment about an actress and if she has real boobs. He then tells me he’s an ass, boob and face man. I laugh and say well I don’t have much in the boob department and he grabs one of my breasts and tells me that he loves my boobs, ass and I have a beautiful face. I shove at him and tell him to stop it, he then runs his hand up my thigh and brushes his fingers under my shorts. “You know, my sexual experience isn’t as high as you would think but you have the tightest pussy.” I roll my eyes and tell him to shut up. “No, I’m serious. When I think about you I literally get chills. I saw you walking in the parking lot from a coworkers office and I got the chills and had to stop myself from saying anything.” I instantly lean my upper body, since my legs are across his, and kiss his cheek a few times. He then grabs my face and kisses my cheek, then my neck and then kisses me on the lips. We instantly start kissing passionately and I feel like I can’t even breathe because he doesn’t want to break the kiss and I don’t either. We finally stop and he leans me back down but putting my head on his shoulder.

He slowly works his hand down to my shorts and quickly puts his hand up them to touch me. He asks if he gives me an orgasm will I be able to focus better on the movie. I tell him probably not but he can try. Needless to say, he gave me an intense one.

We attempt to watch more of the movie but at this point I’ve already been lost during the movie several times and I just was majorly distracted. Well he tells me to stand up so he can lay down and then pulls me to lay in front of him. At some point I roll to face him and we start kissing very again and I lean into his ear and whisper, “May I suck your dick sir?” He tells me I can, but only if I try to put it all the way down my throat. Normally, I always had no issues with a gag reflex but with him and how big he is it makes it more difficult. I tell him I’ll try, I start to give him a BJ and it drives both of us a little crazy. While he has his hands in my hair he pulls my head up and tells me he wants to fuck me. We go to get a condom and some lube then come back to his couch. He then tells me to go slow and tease him with myself. Once he has the condom on I take him in my hands, straddle him and begin to rub him against my clit. He tells me to make myself cum like that….and I do. Once he is inside me I lean forward and begin to ride him. He sits up and starts to suck on my boob, I tell him he can leave marks on me now if he wants to. This makes him almost, growl, and he immediately reaches for my ass and spanks it.

I stay on top of him for the majority of this time but in a few different ways. Normal girl on top, the I turned sideways (which was fucking phenomenal) and then reverse cowgirl. I did each of these positions two or three times. With countless orgasms during each one. I think he enjoyed me being sideways a lot because of his face, he makes the sexiest faces and it turns me on even more.

At some point while I’m facing him he asks me if I’m ready for him to cum, I tell him I am and he asks me where I want him to cum. At first I just say wherever he wants to but he grabs my face and tells me I need to tell him where I want it. I tell him on my ass and my back. He stands me up and leans me over the same chair from last time and fucks me like that for a good little bit. Then when he comes he does so where I told him to. He cleaned me off and I then turned around, kneeled down in front of him and starting sucking his dick since it was still hard. He let me do this for a while and I was able to deep throat him a few times. He yanks me up and kisses on my neck. I laugh and tell him I just wanted to see if he was still hard. We get dressed and relax for a little bit then I realize I need to leave. He walks me to my car and reminds about Thursday and that I should come. I tell him I’ll think about it, then I leave.

I had sent him a text saying I made it home and that morning he tells me he had a response written out but fell asleep before sending it. We actually talked quite a bit yesterday too. That night after we talked during the day he messaged me about some stuff we saw online and we were talking from about 8:30 to almost midnight. We were talking about something and I sent him one of the pictures I took of him, then I sent him one I had taken of him bent over. He laughed at me and made a comment on how the pictures he had taken were much sexier than those. We kept talking for a while until we both got tired. Of course, I should have been tired after only have a few hours of sleep but I just like talking to him.

Right now I’m trying to decide if I want to ask him about tonight or if I should just show up randomly. I know it is a risk to be seen with him but if we can keep our hands to ourselves I don’t think it would be too much of a problem. Then again, if the roomie sees us he could easily get suspicious. I just don’t know, because I would want to go any way since the group playing is one I really like.

What do you think? Should I ask the Russian about tonight? Should I just show up with friends? Or, should I not go all together? 


When You’re a Good Girl


I have this (pretty rational) fear that even once I’ve moved into my own place that the Russian will continue to pull his random disappearing acts on me. This time he went seven days without speaking to me after we spent multiple days together, including me picking him up from a bar. I wasn’t all that surprised because I knew it was bound to happen soon, things were just going too well for a while.

Over the last weekend I got super annoyed with the roommate (ex). He tried to have sex with me again and I had once again realized that was the reason he had been being nicer to me lately. Well, one night over the weekend he decided to go out and not return back to the house till 10:30 the next morning. I know I shouldn’t feel mad or upset by that considering what my feelings consist of with the Russian, but he still really pissed me off. Mainly because I know if I did that he would have been SUPER mad and probably try to come find me.

Well yesterday as I was leaving work to go run some errands I saw that the Russian had sent me a text about my driving as he usually does. We talked a little back and forth about it, he threw out the “we” word a couple of times and then that was it. Or so I thought any way. After I had finished working out I picked up some food then went to the house. The roommate came in later but decided to leave and meet some friends. So I went to bed with Netflix and some cookies. At some point a little later the Russian texted me.

I wasn’t sure what to expect but the conversation was actually a somewhat serious one about some work stuff he has been dealing with. It was a deep talk about these issues he’s having and what steps he’s having to take to either fix them or look for another job. Well once things got a little less serious I made a joke about him messing a word up.

Me: “Btw it’s poll* not pole lol”

Him: “I put poll but it autofucked me”

Him: “Pole is what I give you”

Him: “When you’re a good girl”

Me: “You messed up multiple times though soooo operator error!”

Me: “And aren’t I always a good girl??”

Him: “No ma’am. I even thought about it. Thank you for pointing it out but I do understand the definitions”

Me: “Lol I’m just playing with you sir! It’s not often you make a mistake twice so I have to give you a little bit of a hard time ;)”

Him: “I know :)”

As usual, he had to get a dirty remark in there but there is one thing I’ve noticed about him. He can never just be wrong, he has to always be right. Which is how I can be sometimes but that’s another post. We continued to talk about the work stuff a little more but then I passed out.  I just don’t get it or him. At least he didn’t wait two weeks to talk to me like last time. But to me, we’ve already discussed these issues and he should realize he doesn’t have to keep distancing himself. I know this thing has been going on for about nine months now but I’m officially moving out and you’d think he would accept that and now put in a real effort with me.

Who knows though? I just had to get that out of my system. Sad thing is? I’ll text him later to see how his meeting went and let him talk to me about it again. WHY? Because since I have a vagina I get these emotions that make me care sometimes. Does anybody else hate that??