Am I the Only One?


After my last post I had another night with the Russian. This one was different than the others for sure.

For the first time he asked to see me and I wasn’t able to go see him. He had been texting me some last Wednesday and I guess that should have been my hint he wanted to see me but I was just busy and didn’t notice. Then he sent me a texting asking about watching our show that night. This is how that conversation went:

Me: “Tonight?”

Him: “Yea, just got off sorry”

Me: “Lol it’s okay, I want to but it’s my gym night”

Him: “So come at 7:30”

Me: “I go at 7, pay attention!”

Him: “And go again…not all people do all 3 hours in one night lol”

Me: “I don’ do three hours I go MWF lol”

Me: “I might be able to tomorrow night”

Him: “Ok, loser”

Me: “Oh don’t sound so thrilled about it ass”

Him: “I’m not lol”

Me: “Oh so you’re not even the tiniest bit thrilled to see me? Thaaaaankkkksss ass lol”

Me: (Insert our glare emoji)

Him: “Not thrilled about waiting a day drama queen”

Me: “Yea yea, it’s just a day! I gotta stay in shape so you don’t trade me in lol

Him: “True true”

Me: “Keep on cruisin old man”


Then we had a normal conversation and he was asking about anything new about my house. Well the next day I was fairly busy so I didn’t text him till about 3:30 that afternoon asking if I should still plan on coming over. I didn’t hear back from him for about an hour so I figured he just didn’t want to see me so I went about my business at the house. Well I got a text from an email address that I realized was him and he was asking me about that night. I informed him I had texted earlier but it must not have gone through. So I told him I’d be there between 6:30 and 7. He asked if I would pick up food and I didn’t mind so I did.

When I got there he was on the phone and stayed on it for a little bit. It was obvious it was about work so I just started eating and waited for him to finish. When he got off the phone he was really upset and it was obvious. As we were eating he went on to tell me about some work issues he had been having and how they were making him feel. We talked about that for a good hour and a half, I could tell he needed to vent so I let him. Once he got it out and we talked about what he should do next he relaxed more and made us drinks. When we picked up the show where we left off we kind of talked about other random things and just played with each other.

About halfway through the first episode his phone rings and he goes into the other room to talk. Well this call lasted like 20 minutes and I was trying to not let it aggravate me, it did a little bit but I got over it. When he came back in the living room he apologized again and paused the movie to talk to me about the call. It was someone he works with that he really respects and looks up to who was giving him some advice. It was something I had suggested earlier and he said he was definitely going to do that now.

We both started watching the show again and he realized I needed another drink so he went to fix some. I was joking with him and giving him a hard time and he was joking right back. He kept telling me I didn’t to put my tough exterior away and just relax. I told him I wasn’t doing that, I honestly didn’t think I was but I think subconsciously I just do that. Well I started being sweeter to him and kissing on him more. Then I started to tickle him. I’m not sure if I ever posted this but the Russian is super ticklish and I use it to my advantage  a lot. Well eventually we got into a tickle fight and he had me pinned on the couch tickling me, I was pretty much yelling and laughing while he did it. He wouldn’t stop until I said “sorry” twice to him.


I finally relented and he pulled me up next to him. As I was leaned against him we started talking about each other’s bodies. He made a comment about not understanding why he just didn’t have a six pack already. I told him I thought he looks great and I can tell he’s been working on it. He then tells me he can notice a difference in me too, not that I needed it but that I’ve become more toned.

We talk a little bit about it and then, as usual, he starts touching my face and grabs my cheeks. I pull back, make a face and tell him to stop. He reaches out and grabs my face super quick and questions me about why I don’t like him touching my face.

“Did someone do this to you that you didn’t like or do you think you just not like your cheeks?” I tell him it’s just because I think I have big cheeks. Which is true, I have always thought my cheeks were just big. We start talking again and he makes a funny statement about my bra. He tells me to take my bra off, I tell him if he wants it off he can remove it. He takes a handful of my hair and pulls my face towards him, “You heard me, take your bra off. Don’t make me ask twice.” Well, I can feel my rebellious side come out and I get excited he might…chose to discipline me so I tell him again, if he wants it off he can take it off. He lets go of my hair and laughs that I don’t listen very well. He stands up to go to the bathroom and says, “It better be off when I get back in here.” So I listen that time and take it off, but I don’t say anything when he gets back.

When he’s back on the couch I kiss his cheeks that I normally do. I start by doing that real slow, spacing out the kisses by a few seconds and make my way to his lips as usual. He reaches up and puts his hands on both sides of my face and kisses me back. He eventually slide one hand down and grabs my breast. He leans back and says, “Oh, so you did take this off.” And he smiles at me, he continues to rub on my breasts and then he wants to know if he can ask me something. I nod my head and moan a little cause he hasn’t stopped touching me, “What size are you?” I tell him I’m a small C, and he says he was going to guess that or a bigger B. I make a remark about not having big breasts and he says, “Just  because someone has Ds doesn’t make them pretty. And yours are so pretty.”

I laugh and say thanks; he grabs my face again to continue kissing me. I eventually slide my hand down to touch him. I had bumped his member with my elbow when we were kissing and wanted to see if he was hard like I thought. And he sure was. So I give him a tug and moan while we kiss. He leans me forward and nudges my head down, this causes me to look at him and lift an eyebrow. He tells me just to give it a little bite; he was wearing basketball shorts so I do as he asks through his shorts. I lean myself back up and lean against him. He has his arms around me and I’m still groping his member. He tilts my head up and asks me a question I wasn’t expecting.

“Am I the only one?” I was surprised he asked me this, since he never really has before. And to be honest, since he and I had picked things up again since February he has been the only one. So I look at him and I say, “Yes, you’re the only one.” He grabs my face and tells me to be honest, I can tell he’s really studying my eyes so I hold them open and repeat what I said. I also add, “I’m not going to lie to you, there’s no point.” He kisses me and says, “I always believe you when you look at me like that with those big eyes.”


He reaches towards my pants to touch me and I kind of push his hand away. He looks at me and smiles, “Bad time this week?” I nod my head and yet he still reaches inside my pants. I smack his hand and ask if he didn’t understand what my nod meant. He tells me he just wants to feel the top and I tell him I’m not smoothly waxed anymore I’m in between. He tells me he doesn’t care, which freaks me out. I’m not crazy hairy but I don’t like having hair period, but as he touches he asks how long it has been and I tell him maybe four weeks. He tells me that it’s still pretty smooth for that long. Then he takes his hand away and tells me that I need to trust him more when he does that.

He sees some light reflect from my yoga pants and he grabs the top of them and I kind of push his hand away. He tells me he just wants to see my underwear. I laugh and say too bad because I didn’t have any on. He looks at me and asks that even on my period I don’t wear them. I tell him I just don’t wear panties with yoga pants. I make the remark that I’ve always been more comfortable with less clothing on. I tell him how I hate wearing pants and I prefer shorts, dresses or skirts. He tells me I’m just saying what he wants to hear. I informed him I haven’t told anyone that fact, but my mom knows because I’ve always been that way. He shakes his head and tells me I’m so sexy and I don’t even realize it. I roll my eyes and kiss him some more.

Things progress further and I ask if I could suck his dick. Needless to say, he gave me permission. 🙂

I hadn’t really given him a blowjob since his birthday (the night of four BJs) and I’ll admit I was pretty excited to do that again. Once he came for me he pulled me up to him and I told him he shouldn’t deprive me from doing them. He laughs and says he hasn’t but he just loves being inside me. I tell him I like that too but I love doing this. We finally get back to watching the show and talking. I was feeling pretty bold at this moment and I ask him about why he sent me a text over the weekend and never said anything back. He claims he was testing me. I say, “Russian (full name), I have told you that makes me feel weird. If you want to talk to me then talk to me!” He looks at me and says, “The same can be said for you, little girl.” I laugh and tell him alright but it still makes me feel weird to text him.

Eventually as the night gets later we decide I need to leave soon, now I’m not sure how this happened exactly but he pulls me across his lap and gives me three hard ass slaps. My god, can the man spank some ass. When he finishes doing that he tells me that’s a reminded to behave. I laugh a little and tell him, “Yes sir” while we stand up. We start kissing and he proceeds to touch me through my pants, I resist a little at first but then I relax and let an orgasm just happen. He then lifts me like that and bends me over the front of the couch, while he grabs onto my ass I reach between my legs and touch his dick. He moans when I slide it out of his shorts and rub him against my clit, through my yoga pants. Eventually I turn around and kneel down in front of him. I give him a second BJ, and this was the first one with all the lights in his house on. It was weird for me because I hadn’t seen his dick like that yet but it was also super exciting. After he came I stood up and he leaned his body against mine and said I was going to kill him with those. I remind him he needs to stop depriving me. This could have been the alcohol talking but as I was walking behind him I leaned forward and told him I really want to give him another one already. He groans at me and says we’d be up all night if we didn’t have work (and if I didn’t need to get to the house). What can I say, I really enjoy giving him blowjobs.

As I was getting in my car he told me to let him know when I made it back in as usual. He texted me some while I was driving and then when I made it home I let him know. Friday I asked him how his meetings went and we talked for a long time. Nothing since, I did run into him at the office though. I had parked and was walking to the door when I saw two men standing by it. I could tell it was him just by his back and the way he was standing. He turns around and tells me “Hey” I smile and say “Hello” and keep walking.

I realize now he probably wants me to text him more but that’s so weird for me and when I did it before it always seemed I was bothering him with it. But we will see what unfolds from here.

What are your views on being the first to text the other person? Any advice on how to handle that or if you would even do that with a man you were seeing? 


Just Fucking Rip Them!


I’m not sure how to really even begin this post. As usual a lot has happened since my last post and even since last week.

I officially have found a house that I love, I made an official offer on it and it was accepted. Closing is expected to be early this summer so keep your fingers crossed for me! The only problem is I haven’t shared this information with the boyfriend yet. My family and I agree that I should wait till it’s closer to the date otherwise living together for another two months would be quite awkward. Also, he could get angry and just completely kick me out which wouldn’t be good either.

Well the Russian and I are in our usual weird limbo. Last week we saw each other on Thursday night and let me say, that was one to remember.

**Kind reminder, there will be sex discussed in this post so turn back now if you don’t want to read about it!**

We were both off that Friday so after a drawn out conversation that dealt with us playing cat and mouse we decided to see each other on Thursday. At some point in the conversation I will say he mentioned our “extended quietnesses” (his own words). I didn’t get a real answer on it as I had passed out after it was brought up in a playful way. The days before that we spoke a lot with each other. A lot about my new house, a major project he’s been working on and then a few other things too.

That Thursday we talked pretty much the entire day since he was off. So when it got closer to the time we decided to meet he asked if I wanted to pick up some food for us and I did.

When I got to his house we sat down to eat and start the show. We were just talking a lot with each other and joking around. After we ate and watched about half of an episode he asked if I wanted a drink and I said yes so he fixed us drinks. I think this was one of the times when we just talked a lot with each other. We joked around so much and had some random conversations. When it came time for a second drink I was surprised at how early it was so I asked for another. By that second drink I was definitely feeling it and I could tell he was too.


He gets to be so silly around me once he’s comfortable, we kept making jokes about the show we were watching and he would crack me up about that all night. Or we would say the same thing at the same time and he would be sure to point it out to me when it happened. Sometimes I feel so comfortable around him I can’t help but wonder what will happen when I’m officially on my own. I guess that’s something we will see later.

Back to the story. So we had been sitting on the couch during this time and I was wearing shorts. So he was rubbing on my legs and holding my hand. I had been really picking on him, mainly calling him the usual nicknames I do and he was pretending to pout about it so I kissed on his face like I know he likes. I kissed his cheek and slowly made my way to his lips, I kissed the corner of his mouth and then he turned to face me and he starts to touch my cheeks. I make a face a pull back a little and he tells me to stop that and says, “You need to get over this face thing because I like to touch your face.” So I let him touch my cheeks and then we started to kiss very deep. He’s running his hands through my hair and touching my face and throat like he normally likes to do.


When we finally came up for air we resumed watching the show but this time he had me pulled right up against him. My memory gets a little hazy here so just hang on.

We started to kiss again and he slipped his hand between my legs and started gripping my thighs. After more kissing he slid his hand up and started to touch me through my shorts. At some point he had his hand down the front of my shorts. He made a comment about my waxing and how long it usually lasts. He then starts to touch me until he slides a finger inside me. I keep my eyes open and on his facial reactions, he closes his eyes, arches his back a little and moans. He becomes aware I was staring at him so he starts moving his finger faster and deeper into me. Causing me to close my eyes and really enjoy myself.

After he does this for a little bit he turns so his back is against the arm rest and I turn to face him. He stands me up and I take my shorts off, he then asks me to stand over him while I’m just in my shirt and panties. These are those that are the “cheeky” ones that the portion that covers your ass is all lace. As I’m standing over him he touches my ass and starts talking to me. He gives me all these compliments on my ass and that he wishes he could photograph this moment. I laugh and tell him to keep wishing cause that won’t happen. (I was horny, not stupid at that moment) As it continues, I finally turn around and straddle him. He moves to try and take my panties off so I jump off the couch and take a few steps away. He sits up and gives me a look then tells me to come back over there. I tell him to come catch me and I walk to the bed. He grabs me real quick and carries me to his bed. As I sit on the bed he grabs a condom and a bottle of lube then he sets them on the bed.


He lays down and I sit on top of him. After he takes my shirt off I’m only in my panties. This is when things got intense. He’s rubbing on my ass and makes a remark about ripping my panties off me. I tell him I’ve never had someone do that and I wish he would. He tells me it might hurt me and I said, “Just fucking rip them!” And that is exactly what he did, in literally two seconds he ripped my pretty lace panties right off of me.Image

At that point things progressed quickly. He puts some lube on my hand that I then rub on his dick while he reached for the condom. When he had that on he rolled me onto my back and asked if I wanted him, I said, “Yes Sir” and he pushed himself inside of me. He had to go slow at first like he normally does and then things really started going. We had sex with him on top with my legs in the air and wrapped around him, I was on top in about four different positions, then he was behind me as I laid on the bed and then before he came he had me leaning over the bed while he was behind me. This was well over an hour by the time he came.

It still is crazy to me that he can last that long. He got up so we could find our clothes and go back to the couch. I found my shirt and he threw me my shorts after finding my panties ripped. He made a comment about them and wanting to keep them. I laughed and told him no. For some reason we couldn’t find his shorts anywhere so he just put on the cutest pair of boxers. He said they were his favorite cause of how soft they were. I liked them because I could easily see the bulge of his member. That statement made him laugh a lot.

We resumed watching the show together and were talking about random stuff again. At some point he got frisky and started touching me again. He tried to get hard again but considering we just had sex and had been drinking it didn’t happen at that moment, so he asked if I’d take a nap with him. We both were laying on the couch in just our shirts. He held me to where he had me wrapped in his arms and my head was laying on his chest. Any time I moved just a little he would hold onto me tighter and wouldn’t let me move. So I let him sleep for a little bit. I wasn’t tired but it was nice just laying like that with him.


Eventually he woke up and so did his member. We resumed where we left off before the nap. I was sitting on top of him and straddled him. One thing he does that I really like is when he can take control while he’s underneath me. He will hold my hips still and, well, just really fuck me. At some point he lifts me up and carries me to the large chair in his living room and bends me over it. He really starts to go when he’s behind me. It’s almost too much for me because I was still a little sore. Then he starts to get more into slapping my ass. Which he had done before but I think in that position he was able to really do it. He favors his right hand so he slaps my left ass cheek the most. For the first time I had to tell him to go easier because it was starting to border on actually hurting. He was surprised by that but he switched hands and ass cheeks. I lean myself up so my back is against his chest and he lifts me up while he continues to fuck me.


I don’t know how but he then turns me around and lays me on the armrest. He asks if I want him to cum and I tell him “Yes Sir” and he keeps going, I had so many orgasms at this point I can’t even guess. Whenever he comes he pulls me against him and holds me. As I walk around to get dressed he’s standing there completely naked and I couldn’t help but just stare at him. Maybe it was the added alcohol or the fact I was like a horny teenager but I know my look was one of those hungry and greedy looks. He made a comment that if I didn’t stop staring like that we’d have a problem. I told him to either put some underwear on or another condom.

Once I’m dressed he just wraps a towel around himself and after a playful game of him trying to take my panties we walk to my car. We talk a little more and then he kisses me goodbye, tries to take my panties again and then I finally leave.

As usual, we didn’t talk the next day but I was busy with family stuff and he knew that. The day after that he sent me a text with his usual “Yo” and I responded but he never sent anything back. So we didn’t talk over the weekend. But Monday afternoon he was parking his truck behind my car while I was leaving to run an errand.

Him: “Did you even notice that was me speed demon?”

Me: “I had a feeling it was you lol and I wasn’t even driving that fast”

Well we didn’t talk yesterday but then today he’s been texting me more. As usual he was critiquing my driving and telling me I need to drive slower, I tell him I will drive slower and I can almost tell it’s the dominate personality in him trying to come out.

Ahhh this man drives me insane with these “extended quietnesses” as he liked to put it. I don’t know if it’s because he wants me to text him or if he’s just being weird because of this entire situation.

Oh well, we will see what happens. So that was my last week and a half, how was yours?

But Timing’s a Bitch


Where do I even begin this post? A lot has happened in the last few days…last night especially.

**Forewarning, there is definitely some graphic sex in this post so if you’re offended or not interested in sex you have been warned!

After talking to the Russian somewhat over the weekend I didn’t hear anything from him from Sunday until Thursday after work. I had literally just left the office and was driving home when I got his text.

Him: “Yo _____”

Me: “Hola _____”

Him: “What are you doing this evening?”

Me: “I don’t know, I haven’t made any plans”

Me: “And yourself?”

Him: “Wondering if you would like to watch the new Hobbit?”

Me: “Hmmm possibly”

Him: “Hmmm”

Me: “I can probably swing that, maybe this one won’t put me to sleep”

Him: “I can give you something to do while we watch if you need help staying awake”

Me: “Haha! I’m sure you can lol”

Him: “It’s long though”

Me: “What’s a good time for me to come over?”

Him: “The movie”

Me: “I know that perve”

Him: “Sorrrrry…it couldn’t have meant something else apparently. I’m offended!”

Me: “Oh whatever! Lol you know it sounded perverted!”

Him: “I have an appointment at 5 so 7-7:30?”

Me: “That works for me”


If you could have seen my face and felt the emotions going through me when I saw he wanted to see me. So as I prepared myself to go over there I had a lot on my mind. It was mainly what should I say to him  and how should I act around him.

As I drove to his house my heart is just racing and I had a million thoughts racing in my mind. I get to his place and he opens the garage for me and I park.

I walk in and he’s fixing himself some dinner. I joke about what he’s making as I walk towards him. He grabs me in a hug and kisses my cheek. He’s a little weird about me watching him eat if I’m not eating so I sat on the couch and he was behind me at the kitchen table. While he’s eating he tells me about how busy he’s been with work for the past two weeks. He tells me a super long story about some stuff with work and I ask him a lot of questions but like most people, he has no problem telling me stuff. It must be that my face screams, “TELL ME EVERYTHINGYOU WANT TOO!” I should have become a shrink.


I should mention that he looked so handsome. Just in a tshirt and some jeans, it just screamed masculine. Plus he has amazing arms and I kept catching myself staring at them.

We talk about that for well about an hour, then when he finishes eating he starts to fix us drinks. I mention to him that I’ve found a house and I’ll be making an offer on it within the next few days. This, I could tell, really surprised him. We talk about that for a little while and then he puts the movie in and we start watching.

So he’s sitting on the couch and I’m next to him with my feet tucked underneath me but my legs are angled away from him. He grabs my legs and leans them so they are touching him and he can put his arms around them. He then asks me if it’s okay that he did that and I just laugh and say yes.

tumblr_n3tirwyMsl1rh1wv4o1_500So we talk a lot during this movie, about the acting, scenery and a few different characters. At one point I made a smart ass remark and he grabbed my chin and pulled me towards him so I would kiss on his face. As I’ve said in previous posts, he apparently really likes that. So I gave him a few kisses and pulled away. I lean against him and we continue to watch the movie and drink.

As he’s playing with my hair and rubbing my back, he finishes his drink and asks me if I’m done with mine so he could finish it and make us more. I drink the rest of it and he gets up to make us more drinks. As he is doing that he asks me more about the house. I start talking about looking at different loans and how we plan on presenting the offer.

We talk about that for a good 20 minutes, if not more. At one point he tells me that he was starting to think I was just lying to him about looking for a house. I tell him it’s just been hard trying to find what I want and be able to afford it on my own. He asks me if it’ll just be me there and I tell him yes. He asks how I think that’s going to go over with the boyfriend and I tell him it’s something that’s already been discussed. He drops that topic there because he could tell I didn’t really want to continue talking about it. We had been facing each other while talking about all this. Eventually he tells me I need to put my “tough exterior” down and relax.

I make another smart ass remark and he tells me that’s what he’s talking about. I laugh and lean in to kiss his cheek again, I slowly start to move my lips towards his as I kiss his face. We start to kiss each other and it’s very…..intense. He’s running his hands through my hair and touching my throat. I either touch his face or put my hands on his chest.



We eventually stop and start the movie again. He positions himself so his back is against the armrest and I’m leaning my back on his chest while sitting between his legs.

He plays with my hair and starts to massage on my arms. I make the comment that I’m pretty sore from working out with my new trainer the past few weeks. He tells me he notices my arms are different and more toned. As a typical man he starts to touch my breasts a little and then goes back to rubbing my neck and shoulders. He eventually leans me up to take my bra off.


I turn and look at him then he touches on my face. I squirm and tell him to stop because he knows I don’t like that, he tells me, “I know you have a thing about that but…you need to just get over it. There’s nothing wrong with your face.” I tell him I just don’t get why he always wants to touch my cheeks, he replies, “I’m not sure why but I just really like your cheeks. I just want to touch them.”

I laugh and roll my eyes, as I lean back again he rubs my neck and then starts massaging my face. As we continue watching the movie, we finished our drinks so he makes one more for us just to share. He comes back and we are sitting up together talking, he then turns me to face him while he is playing with my hair. He has both of his hands in my hair, just massaging my head and playful pulling my hair. I laugh and sigh because it feels good. He pulls me close to him and we start kissing again. This time it really escalates. As we are kissing he pulls back and asks if he can touch me, I look away and give a little shrug. He asks me again and makes me look at him, I nod my head yes.

He slowly puts his hand down my pants. I had gotten my wax last week so I was still very smooth. (Much to my relief!) Once he reaches my pussy he immediately closes his eyes and lets out a small moan. He begins by just playing with my clit because he knows how sensitive mine is and he easily brings me to an orgasm. Then he starts to slide a finger inside me and that really gets me excited. I start to moan louder and I’m clinging to his arm. I have a hard time letting myself go and lose control enough to really enjoy that moment. He knows this so he will hold my hand away from his so I can’t stop him. I reach over to touch him and he’s hard as a rock. I mean, hard. At some point he pulls me onto his lap and then stands up with me wrapped around him. He carries me like that to his bed.

As he sits me on the bed he grabs me, lays down and then he set me on top of him. He pulls me down to him and kisses me so hard. Then I sit up and he takes my shirt off. As he plays with my breasts and I start to instinctively grind on him he asks me if I want to suck his dick. I nod my head yes but I don’t move down there immediately, I continue to kiss on his neck. He asks me again, knowing I can’t resist and then I make my way down. I unbutton and unzip his pants then I start to suck on his dick. I eventually have his pants pulled all the way down and he positions me so I’m sideways and he can still touch me.


As he’s fingering me and talking to me I start to have a hard time concentrating on sucking his dick. I finally say something like, “If you don’t stop I’m going to want to fuck you.” He then puts a second finger inside me which causes me to cry out, I’m pretty tight, and he says, “Are you sure? That’s only two fingers. Do you think you can take what’s in your mouth.”tumblr_myreqfNNfI1soljxao1_250

I nod my head yes and straddle him. He leans over and grabs a condom and some lube. I take his shirt off and then I take my pants off. He puts some lube in my hand and I rub it on his dick. Going either slow or fast while I rub the lube on. He then puts the condom on and flips me over. I start to put myself on my stomach but he flips me over on my back and then he’s inside me.

Oh. My. God. It was the best feeling in the world. He had to go slow a little at first, as I’ve said before, he is a well endowed man. But once he starts going he changes between me having my legs wrapped around him to putting my legs over his shoulders. It hurts a little when he has them over his shoulders because he’s really deep inside me. He kisses me then leans into my neck and tells me how good I feel and how tight I am. I remind him that he’s huge but feels amazing. Then he lifts my hips and leans back so I’m on top. I ride him for a long time, and one thing I really like is he’s good at still having some control even when he’s on the bottom. He will grab my hips and change my pace or direction. Or he’d make me get still while he moved underneath me. I turn sideways and he fucks me hard like that. He then turns me around to reverse cowgirl but I lean back on his chest some while he holds my hips. I can’t even count the orgasms at this point. Eventually he turns me around again. I tell him I want him behind me. He doesn’t even come out from inside me when he’s turning me around. He then starts to really fuck me. He’s pulling my hair and starts to really slap my ass. I start to get really loud at this point, which is typical of me. I tell him I want him to come for me and he moans. He continues to fuck me then asks if I’m ready for him to come or if I want more. I tell him I need him to come. He then fucks me hard, slips out from inside me, whips the condom off and comes on my back. He did ask if he could, by the way, he has done that before.

Once he cleans me off I roll to my side, I literally couldn’t move because this had taken an hour at the very least and I am not use to that at all. He goes to clean himself off and I put my pants and shirt back on. He makes a comment about “round one” and goes to the bathroom. I sit on the couch and check my phone. I had a text from the boyfriend telling me what bar he was at. I didn’t respond at that point.

He makes a joke that I didn’t really get to watch the movie but I tell him it’s not my fault he was distracting me. He laughs and puts his clothes back on.


The Russian and I then sit on the couch and start talking about, well, anything and everything. Work, friends, what we’ve been doing lately and then tv. It wasn’t weird or awkward after we had sex it felt pretty normal. We were talking about people going out to find somebody to just find somebody to bring home and he tells me he isn’t like that. I instantly roll my eyes and say “Yeah right” and laugh. He tells me he isn’t and doesn’t want me to think that.

We kiss more and just sit together while watching a funny movie. Eventually we realize what time it really is and both decide I need to go. He walks me to my car and tells me to be careful. We hug and then start to kiss again, it gets a little heated and he tells me I need to stop starting stuff. I told him he’s the tease which causes him to kiss me again. I get into my car and head back to the house.

He texts me once I’m almost there, he quotes a movie and I ask him about it because I couldn’t remember where it was from off the top of my head. I make fun of his “old age” and then that was it.


I haven’t heard from him yet today but since I know he’s actually busy with some serious work projects I’m not too worried about it. Plus, we all know how he acts after we’ve seen each other. I take it as a plus he actually texted me that night.

I’m not getting my hopes up about him again, I realize that he probably isn’t going to take any real intiative with me until I’ve finally moved out and I’m on my own again. I can’t say I blame him but at the same time he’s running the risk that while he’s busy doing that I could meet someone else. Most people have told him I won’t be single long…I don’t really believe that but it’s really whatever.

Is it weird I’m also happy to have finally had sex again? Not just sex but amazing, multiple orgasms sex? It probably sounds super slutty but it’s true. Now if I could stop picturing it in my head and getting me all excited.

Until next time fair readers…..


If you have any thoughts or advice please feel free to share them with me. I would definitely appreciate it!


Wake Up




I think the saddest thing about wanting to hear from someone is when you do…and then you don’t.

The Russian has appeared in my message box again it seems, like I knew he would. Late Friday morning I was leaving the office to go run errands and take lunch when my phone vibrated. I had been texting back and forth with one of my friends so I assumed it was them so I opened my messages. To my surprise it was him. Telling me to slow down in the parking lot….again. We exchanged a few texts back and forth about my driving and that was it.tumblr_n3d605ksNB1s019tvo1_500

I had that feeling he was going to text me later so I left my phone’s ringer on and what do you know. He texted me.

Him: “Wake uuuuuup!”

Me: “What you hollering for?!”

Him: “To wake you up son”

Me: “I am up son”

Him: “Why? Out?”

Him: “Grinding on some other old man?”

Me: “Negative, I was up doing nerd activities lol”

Him: “Reeeeeading?”

Me: “Yep lol reeeeeading”

Me: “Why are you up?”

(This is when I realize he was drinking)

Him: “Ooooo no”

Him: “Absolutely nuuuuhhhhthing”

Him: “What is it good for”

Him: “Hm hm hm hm hmmm hm”

Me: “Hahahaha is someone slightly intoxicated?”

Him: “I knew you’d reply with that question”

Me: “What are ya, psychic or something?”

Him: “Duh”

Him: “Feed your lawn…feed it”

Me: “Lol where did that come from?”


This all happened after 2 am, I tend to be a night owl and have problems sleeping. He is aware of this and has some of the same problems. I’m not sure what to think about his “grinding on some other old man” comment. To me, he shouldn’t even care if he is just playing games with me. Well he apparently passed out and I didn’t hear anything from him Saturday at all. Which I expected, I feel like I’m starting to understand him and his moves.

Come Sunday he texted me about a show and we talked a little back and forth. I sent him a funny meme and he responded with a “Lol” and I didn’t send anything back. I messaged him after the show and asked how it was. We talked a little back and forth. He asked if I watched it and I replied I hadn’t because I was watching some other shows. We spoke a little more and then that was it.

photo 2

I don’t understand this man at all. I literally want to shake the shit out of him until he tells me the truth. I have no doubt he will text me more and then want to see me. That will be my one opportunity to ask him about what is going and what exactly this is between us. I should be able to see his reaction and know if he’s being honest or just bullshitting me. I can’t ask over the phone because it is too easy to deceive someone that way.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.


The pathetic part? I was so happy he was texting me again. Why??? I should be pissed and tell him off, but I can’t find the urge to be mean to him. Why? He’s treated me so wrong and I have a right to be pissed. I mean, since he pulled this shit the first time I’ve had that right. And hell, he knows it too. I look forward to being able to have an honest talk with him one day, as I’ve said, I’m sure he will want to see me again.


What do you think? Is this all just a player’s game that he’s starting all over again or is there something lying underneath the surface? 

Feeling Weird This Friday


I have been having the weirdest dreams lately. I have always been able to remember my dreams in extreme detail. It sometimes frightens me what my mind will think of when I’m asleep. I can wake up and recall my entire dream, sometimes that’s really cool and other times it just scares me.

I’ve often wanted to have someone interpret my dreams for me just to help me figure out what’s going on.

I occasionally suffer from night terrors, not often, but at least once a month or so I get a bad one. This is what I think causes me to have problems sleeping, because I’m just afraid to sleep.


What’s even weirder is that some dreams can give me a…sixth sense for how my day may go. I had a dream not too long ago that gave me that feeling I shouldn’t do something. I did it anyways and it ended up going how I expected it to, badly.

I have got to get a new dream catcher.


Last night’s dream has me really freaked out, almost like I’m just anxious and that feeling won’t go away. I don’t see this day going well at all. Maybe I’m just being extra jumpy because I know April is going to be a rough month for me, since I’m one of the zodiac signs that will have it harder this month compared to others.

I just can’t shake this feeling of dread for anything. I’ll just keep listening to fun music and hope that lightens my mood. I shouldn’t have had that coffee either.


Keeping Score


Ten days. 240 hours. 14400 minutes.

That’s how long it has been since I last heard from the Russian. And I wouldn’t even consider that a conversation, just an “Ok” and that was it.

I spent the night with this “man” last Saturday. From about 9 pm to 10:30 am I was with him. Not only was I with him but he was sweet on me, touching me and all that stupid touchy feely shit. Gave him how many blowjobs? Oh that’s right, FOUR.


Do I sound pissed? Because I am.

I’m not hurt or sad, I’m pissed. Pissed I once again let a guy just use me for his own needs. Instead of being honest and telling me what he wanted he lied and made me believe there was something there.

This is why I fear being single. All these ridiculous games one plays for no other reason but to get what they want. What’s sad is I use to be able to play these games and I didn’t even like doing it.

I’m sick of men and their stupid fucking games, because we all know they continue to get away with it and probably always will. Why? I believe if a woman confronted a man about it he would turn it completely around on her and make her feel like shit. WHY? Because they know we tend to be emotional creatures and if we feel we have hurt someone or something stupid like that we will cave.


The funny part? Not all women are emotional creatures. I may have moments when I feel emotional or get sad. Those are few and far between. The majority of the time I get annoyed and aggravated when people try to play on me emotions.

Like when the Russian told me, “That’s my face” one night we were together. Was him playing my emotions, because I never knew he felt that way about me. Oh wait, he didn’t. I just believed he did which caused me to really think about things with him.


Fucking asshole.

I put my relationship and future at a serious risk for HIM. And for what?? Nothing. Another notch in his headboard and another number in his count. Not only did I do that but I have such serious thoughts and regrets that I honestly have to separate from my boyfriend. Because I have seen what real passion can be like, what it should be like to feel wanted and desired.

Even if the asshole that did it is obviously just playing me.

And what’s even worse? I miss him. I miss the way he could make me laugh, I miss joking with him and just spending time with him.


Even though it is apparent that was all a game.


Disillusioned Young One – 0

Let the games continue.