Just Don’t Know What to Do.

Why does it seem things always have to become so damn hard?


When the Russian wanted me back, he made all these huge gestures and made big statements about love and us. Then it seemed around February it changed. I’m not sure if he got too comfortable, we moved too fast too soon, he is unsure or if I’m overthinking everything. After the holidays and my birthday things were just amazing. He told me he loved me on a regular basis, complimented me, talked to me and was always reassuring if I ever had questions or worries.

He finally had surgery for his back, that recovery time was hard because he basically lived with me for a month. I am so use to having my space at some point so we would bicker every now and then. I will say some of that could be blamed on me. He was always around and I was always having to cater to him, which in turn got to be exhausting because in my mind he should still be catering to me. Especially since I never did anything wrong.

When his house was finally finished he moved in and I became a little sad. In a sick way, as much as I wanted my own space I still wanted to see him and talk to him very day. So I became paranoid he’d go back to how he was before, and I’d never really see him. Then he’d just forget about me.

It just seems like lately we have been arguing so much more. I’m trying to change certain things or fix things, but it sometimes seems like it is not enough. He hasn’t told me he loves me in a month. Which I had finally brought up to him in an argument. Part of me wonders if I’m trying to push him away, or maybe he is trying to push me away. He doesn’t include me in as much anymore. He will say things like, “We don’t have to be so formal anymore.” Or, if he’s doing work at his business or home, instead of asking me to help he basically implies I should be a better girlfriend and just offer. But I never know what he’s doing. And previously, even when we weren’t officially dating, he would ask me to help and I always did.

He’s also starting to become controlling again. And mean. Very, very mean. He nitpicks on me for almost any and everything. The way I ask questions, give my opinion, drive, take care of my contacts, or whatever else he can think of he will tell me how I’m doing it wrong. What bothers me the most about that is he will now tell me, if I ask if he’s sure he wants this or me, is he tells me I’m being either insecure, needy or need to much reassurance and by me being that way pushes him away.

I just don’t know what to do at this point. Do I leave him and this relationship? Do I take a break? Do I give up all hope? I can’t stay in this weird limbo anymore and I certainly cannot bring it up to again or else I’ll get “in trouble” like a child.

We had a decent weekend together. Spent more time together from Thursday to last night than we have in almost two weeks. I’ll have to talk about that more later. I’m just so frustrated and confused. I have no one else I can really talk to about this anymore. My mom wants me to just leave him as she can’t stand him or the way he’s been treating me anymore. I’m somewhat mad at my best friend since she won’t be supportive or anything anymore even though I was there for her relationship problems. And we all know I can’t talk to him.


So what now?

4 responses to “Just Don’t Know What to Do.

  1. Let him go. Just from you last 3 or 4 posts, it’s not healthy. Let him go. He’s not emotionally healthy. Be strong.

  2. If he’s being cruel, and you’ve told him that he’s hurting your feelings and he continues to do it, that is abuse and you need to just leave him and move on. However, sometimes it’s a situation where a man has no idea that he’s being “mean” or saying something to hurt you, because sometimes men are just oblivious to that kind of thing, they have that kind of personality. If you think THAT is the case, then you need to have a sit-down talk with him and tell him that what he’s doing is hurting you, and if he’s not willing to stop how he’s treating you, then you’re going to move on. Like you said in your other post about wanting to be happy in your career… life is too short to be unhappy! If you’re truly unhappy about your situation with the Russian, don’t drag it out for years. Make a clean break, and get out there and start dating again. You will find someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated.

    • The issue with it is, I don’t know if he is fully aware that what he says/does is hurtful. When I try to tell him, he almost dismisses it or tells me I’m being too sensitive. He is getting into some of his old patterns and I hate to see that, because it worries me that is the real him.

      I don’t get that he can change so much within a month or so. I understand being stressed out or busy, but somethings aren’t excusable. I have to take time to really think things out. I don’t want to leave him, because of the love I have for him, but my mind and self-esteem can’t quite take it anymore.

      • Waving off your feelings is not a good thing. It means he knows that you are bothered by something he does or says, and he doesn’t care and will continue to do it. I know it’s hard to leave someone when you love them, but you have to think about how you feel when you’re around them and they’re not treating you nice and without respect. You deserve better, hun.

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