It Doesn’t Even Matter How Hard You Try

It has been such a long time and I’m so sorry for it! I can’t post at work and since I only have an iPad at home for now posting can be really time consuming or nearly impossible. If only IT would just allow WordPress life would be great! Well, what can I say about the past few months? Crazy, amazing, time consuming, full of emotions, happiness and really just a little bit of everything.

Up until I officially moved out the Russian and I carried on seeing each other about two to three times a week. Doing the usual things we had been doing. You know, eating, drinking, entertaining each other and having magnificent sex. Well once I officially moved out things started to shift and change, in a positive way. Unless one of us was going out of town we see each other almost every day. We also have more recently started going on “official” dates. Dinner and a movie, then maybe pick up something from Redbox and go back to one of our houses to spend the night with each other.

More recently we had what I call a “weekend date” with each other. Saturday morning he asked me what I was doing for the day and when I said nothing he asked me this:

Him: “Gonna shower, go work out, pick up some paint and finish everything up. You’re invited to join if you would like :)”
Me: “That might be fun lol what time?”
Him: “Later, I’d like to shop a little bit, eat and go see a movie. Meet here in an hour?”
Me: “I think I can handle that”
Him: “Ok cool, want to bring your stuff for tonight and get ready here or go back home?”

I had told him I’d get ready there but I would need to let my dog out before dinner for the night and he brought me to take her out like I asked. We worked out together for the first time which was interesting because this was one of the first things we’ve done in broad daylight together. Afterwards we bought some paint stuff for his place and I helped him with a few of those things. I had to meet my mom and drop some things to here during my time there but I came back to his house after.

He was taking a break and lying on the couch when I got back.
He laid me on top of him to watch TV with him, but of course he had some ulterior motives.

He slid his hands down my shorts to play with my clit until I orgasmed. Then, he proceeded to undress me and undress himself. We were on the couch so of course I got on top (more on that later) and we proceeded to have some amazing sex. I recently discovered how much he loves when he slides out of me and I slowly put his dick back inside me without either of us using our hands. It feels great to me but I love watching his facial expressions when it happens. His mouth opens slightly and his eyes roll back while he lets out the sexiest moans. While we don’t use condoms as often we still will every now and then but at that moment we just didn’t.

After we recovered from the sex we continued finishing up the project we had been working on until we decided what to do for the night. This was the first time I had ever really showered and got ready at his house (or any other guy’s house for that matter!) so I was a little uncomfortable at first. I had my little overnight bag and was pretty conscious of leaving things on his counter top in the bathroom.

After I showered and started drying my hair, he jumped in the shower while I was getting ready and we just joked around with each other the whole time. I had brought a pretty dress and heels to wear (since our first movie date I wore jeans and a t shirt) so when I finished I felt pretty confident in how I looked.

But boy, when I saw him all dressed up I had to control myself from jumping him right then and there. He is so handsome it kills me sometimes. He complimented me and then we went to dinner and a movie. The movie wasn’t that impressive at all, sadly. Neither one of us was crazy about it and we both laughed it off. When we got back to his place we decided to fix drinks and watch another movie. It was much better even though we got heavily intoxicated.

I haven’t had the opportunity to mention this is a blog yet but there is something he does sometimes when I spend the night that bothers me some. I’ll stay over there a few nights a week since I can now and he doesn’t want me drinking and driving. Well, some nights he will sleep the entire night with me but there have been other times when he will sleep on the futon couch that is next to the bed.

I’d have to explain the layout of that room but he can see me in the bed and I can see him. Well, he does this because he claims he gets hot and doesn’t want to keep me up all night. Well, I’ve expressed this before to him and it still doesn’t always sink in but we will get to that later. That night he did sleep with me the entire night which was really nice and unexpected as well.

We had sex that morning, which was good sex but I think if he doesn’t initiate it in the mornings he isn’t fully awake or into by the time I’m ready when I initiate it. I had planned on leaving at about 11 that morning after we had gotten up but he asked me if I would stay and help him with some other errands he wanted to do. Which I did and it actually was a lot of fun. We ate lunch together afterwards while watching one of the many football games that were on that afternoon.

We started working on some of the projects he wanted to get done and got it all finished at a decent time. At some point, we had sex again and I will say this one was actually a little painful. Still completely enjoyable but I had to make him take it easier with me. The rest of our time together we spend just being lazy together and playing with his dog around the house. I ended up staying there until later that night but he didn’t seem to mind it at all.

Well, last night we spent time together at his friend’s house which was nice. We ate and drank for a little while until we both were ready to leave. We had discussed it earlier so I went with him back to his house to just hang out together. He upset me a little last night and I’m still trying to get over that.

At some point I mentioned to him I wanted to ask him something but was a little embarrassed to do so. I have an event coming up and asked if he wasn’t busy this weekend I’d like him to go with me. I knew from the moment it came out he wasn’t going to say yes. After I initially asked he asked a few questions about it and then said he had a wedding out of town and if his guy friend wasn’t going to go he wanted me to go with him. I kind of said okay to that and didn’t bring it up. We both kind of fell asleep (we had been drinking for a while at this point) and I was laying on top of him.

When we both woke up everything was good and we were playful like normal. We even had sex and it was amazing, I prefer when he is really into it and more vocal with me which he was that time. Afterwards, I laid beside him while we caught our breath and he complimented me for the first time on the sex itself and I jokingly said that. He played back with me and then got up to shower.

I got dressed and resumed lying on the couch waiting for him to come back. Well, he brings up me asking him to this event and I told him I figured it was a “No” considering he didn’t answer or seem enthused I had asked. He told me he was happy I asked and wants to go but with our current work situation and the fact we are coworkers (for the time being, as he may be leaving the company rather soon) makes him hesitant.

But that isn’t what bothered me. I can accept that even though this company doesn’t care if coworkers date or are married, especially if you are in different departments as we are. What bothered me is he brought up the other girl he had been seeing previously. He mentioned that since their history and the fact his office is next to hers he didn’t want to cause any problems. That I have an issue with, because to me he is being too considerate to another person’s feelings than my own. And he told me he wants to bring me to an event their career field hosts every year but if he is still with the company at the time and she is there it might be weird.

My thought process is who fucking cares? Eventually this other girl will see him and I together either in public or on Facebook and if there is nothing there it shouldn’t be that big of a deal. In my mind, it comes off as he doesn’t want her to know he’s seeing me because he is still seeing her. Even though he has told me he isn’t I’m still concerned about that. Ask me if I said this to him? Nope. I was on a completely different level of mad at that point so I was aware it would be better for me to just hold off.

It didn’t help that he said, “I will come get you after it is over and bring you home when you’re drunk.” I looked at him and said no thanks, I’ll be fine. He then proceeded to tell me not to be that way and that he wants to pick me up. He then starts to become all lovey dovey on me telling me he doesn’t want me to be upset with him, that he really wants to go and is happy I asked him. He also says he doesn’t like the idea other men may try to dance with me.

I completely shut myself off from him at that point. I just couldn’t allow myself to get comfortable around him anymore that night. He made me lay down beside him so he could, I guess comfort me? I’ll try and bring it up the next time I see him just so I can get it off my chest. Considering I know I’m going to be distant with him for the time being. Once it was time to leave I just didn’t have it in me to be playful or sweet at that point but he proceeded to me. Kissing me a few times and hugging me while telling me to be careful and to text him when I got home.

As soon as I left and got on the road home I just started to cry a little. It’s like every time I think things are going good and we make progress something comes up. I just couldn’t hold it in at that point and had to let it out. He then sends me a text that is a screenshot of a movie he wants to see with me and I tell him that one looks good. When I got home I considered not telling him but didn’t want him to worry so I just said I was home. He then responded telling me to have sweet dreams and a cute nickname. Then today he’s been texting me.

I can see some of his reasoning but my god, I got out of an almost five and a half year relationship and my ex has already moved on to the point he doesn’t hide it from anyone, including me. I guess I don’t see the need to be considerate to someone he didn’t even officially date and even claims he saw no future with at all. Ugh. Thoughts?

I know this is a lot to take in and written in two parts pretty much, but when I ended it yesterday afternoon everything was going well and I was a little excited to ask him about this weekend.

I guess it’s just another reminder that he isn’t really mine yet, and it must mean I’m not his either.


Making Progress


So since my last update and the wonderful arrival of my monthly visitor the past week has been interesting to say the least. Let’s pick up from Thursday shall we?

Thursday. I decided to go out to a pretty popular hangout with a few of my friends, mainly to get out of the house and to get my mind off things. I hadn’t really heard from the Russian. I sent him a text the day before and he half-heartedly responded so I just left it alone. Then on Thursday he came by my office asking if I knew where another employee was. I was a little short with him because I was annoyed with him, and he did surprise me. Of course he did text me afterwards.

Him: “If you’re too short with me people may get suspicious ;)”

Me: “Well you normally don’t come to my office so I was surprised lol”

And that was it. So back to Thursday night. I hadn’t heard anything else from him and I was getting fairly drunk early on in the night. I ran into the ex while out, which made things a little awkward at first. Then later into the night the Russian texts me and asks where I am. I tell him and ask where he is. As it turns out he is at the same place. He asks me to come see him and drunk me happily obliged. When we found each other it was pretty instant that we could not keep our hands to ourselves. He introduced me to the group he was with, they all seemed really nice and maybe a little impressed with me. He then asked if I wanted a drink and I told him so he walked me to the bar.


Now, do remember dear reader my ex was at this point still at the same place. Maybe. So we get to the bar and order drinks. We both then start to touch on each other in small ways. Then some members of his family walk up and he introduces them to me. A little later one of my friends got tired and asked if I’d bring her to her apartment right down the road. I told the Russian and he asked if I would come back, which I did.

I get back and then we really start to get frisky with each other. I slowly started to kiss on him and he did the same to me. We then also started to whisper back and forth to each other about what we wanted to do in regards to staying there or leaving. We decide to dance for a little bit then leave, and I will say, he can dance very, very well. After a few songs I asked him if we could leave. As we walk out with each other we are laughing and joking with each other the entire time. When we get to the elevators he starts to pick me up and kiss all over me. By the time we get into an elevator things have intensified. He tried to stop the elevator before it got to the floor but I wouldn’t let him. When we reach my vehicle he pushes me against it and we begin to forcefully kiss each other. Finally in my vehicle I start to drive to get us some late night food.

During the drive he is leaning over to suck on my breasts and pretty much finger me while I drive. I also have my hand in his lap playing with him. At some point, and I know this wasn’t safe, but I have his dick pulled out and he tells me to suck it while he steers. I’ve given road head before but never while I was driving. That was interesting to say the least!

I finally stop because it just is not safe for us to be doing. We get some food and go to his house. While we eat together we just joke around and play on the couch. After we eat he picks me up and carries me to his bed. He stands me up so he can lay down, then he looks at me and says, “Come here to me pretty girl.” I take my shoes off and climb into his bed. He’s on his back and holds me in his arms. He then tells me I need to get closer to him so he lays me on top of him and just holds me. I had my face buried in his neck and could just breathe his scent in. We then fell asleep with each other like this for probably two hours. I wake up and try to lift my head but he then squeezes me tighter and won’t let go. When I see the time I tell him I really need to go. I had work the next day and he didn’t. I also was still pretty drunk at this point. He holds me some more and then finally walks me to my car. We kiss and I drive to the house. We text a little when I get home but then I pass out instantly.

When I wake up he was already texting me. We continued to talk the majority of the day which was nice. I had the house to myself that weekend and I had told him but he mentioned to me he had plans Saturday. He didn’t really elaborate on it so I didn’t pester him for more information. Well later that night he let me know what his plans were and that he didn’t want me to think he was ignoring the fact I was alone all weekend. I thought this was really impressive of him to finally tell me if he wasn’t going to be able to talk and why. I was fine with it and was super busy the next two days. We did talk each day with one another so that was nice. Monday we were talking and he made a joke about BJs that night and I had a feeling he’d be asking to see me soon.

Well Tuesday came along and later that afternoon he asked if I had plans and I said no so we decided to see each other. This visit we had several deep conversations about this relationship and what was going on. I’m not quite sure how it started since I had been drinking so keep that in mind. We had been playing with each other and when we started the movie we both got fairly into it so we were discussing details about it. At some point we are talking and he reaches up to grab my breast and makes a comment about my bra, as usual, so I tell him to take it off. He does. Then at some point he reaches to touch my under my shorts and I squirm away, which he knows normally I let him touch, so he asks if it’s a bad week. I say yes and he pouts for a minute! He then asks me why I don’t take the medicine that gives me one every three months. I just look at him and laugh. I tell him that would be nice but porbably would not work for me. Well a little later he then does the same thing but tells me to trust him. He then proceeds to rub my clit until I have an orgasm. Well he continues to do so again and I tell him to go easy because it’s been awhile since he’s made me cum so I get sore easier. He then lifts me up and lays me across his lap, he then proceeds to continue to rub my clit. Again, I tell him to go easy and he asks me why, to which I give him the above explanation. He then tells me, “Well, I’ll give you three orgasms if you think you can handle that.” And he continues to do so until I have three orgasms. When he finished he brought me up to his chest and I laid like that in his lap for a little bit to calm down. After this he started the movie back. We actually finished this movie and proceeded to put another one in.


We did not watch any of the next movie we put in. When I put it in and he made us more drinks we just instantly started talking. We were discussing some people at work and how some of them have warned me against him or make comments about him. Now, I had never told him any of this because I wanted to judge him for myself and get to know him. Plus, I knew it would upset him to know some people had things to say about him. He’s big about trust with people in his life so I knew this would definitely make him mad.

I’m not sure if I ever wrote about this but there had been another girl in the office he previously had been seeing. They actually work in the same department and have offices close to each other. Since he’s more of a senior guy he had to mentor her. Now I’m not dumb so I knew they had something before he and I started seeing each other. He had stated that he wasn’t sure about if there were other guys I was spending time with and I told him not to be ridiculous. He then asked how many I was seeing and I said just one and thumped his nose.

Well I finally grew some balls and flat out asked him, “Am I the only one you are seeing currently?” I just needed to know either way. He tells me I am the only one he has seen or been with for the past few months. He was honest with me and told me he had been seeing the other girl but not that often. He said that he knew we were both smart, had a lot going for us and are both attractive but he claims he couldn’t see any relationship with the other girl. But with me he sees that and sees a lot in me he really likes. Well I told him if that’s true I really appreciate that because, well, I’m not dumb and I won’t just believe everything he says until he can prove to me I can trust him.

Well we were talking about his ex that cheated on him, the fact her father works for the company and has said stuff to me about him in the ways of a warning. He mentioned how his ex has been wanting to see him and sleep with him again and he claims he has been telling her he isn’t interested and to just stop. I did outright ask him if he thought he would ever get back together with his ex and he said pretty much hell no. He then told me a lot of stuff about how that relationship was and that it never felt right and he wouldn’t want to go back to that.

Well he made a comment that, while it was meant to make me feel better, was a little in poor taste. He mentioned confronting the guy and saying not only his exes name and how she was not a good person that he thought she was but then mentioning the other girl and then me saying we were really nice girls. Well I kind of made a face and turned back to the television. Because, honestly I was getting tired of hearing the other girl’s name and feeling compared to her and I told him that. I told him I have a tendency to get slightly jealous but I hide it well.

I did say I understand them having to work together and having to talk to each other about work, but in the other aspect I don’t want things thrown in my face. I blatantly said, “I am an only child so I view things differently. So the point is that what’s mine is mine, I don’t share with others.”  He told me he completely understood and felt the same way. He also apologized for the comment and that he was just worked up because he’s tired of people backstabbing him and going out of their way to possibly ruin things. He was genuinely worried he had ruined the night because he claimed my chemistry changed after that and he was extremely apologetic with it.


He made a comment that still is sticking with me though, “How do these guys not realize that they are making comments to you and how it could really affect the way you think and feel. They don’t realize them saying those things can do serious damage. Especially when you care for someone.”

Then we kind of discussed the same fear he has that if I could do this to my ex could I do it to him. I reminded him that this situation is not something I’ve ever done before and that when I told my closest friends about it and him they were completely shocked because this is not me.

He also reminded me that we had been seeing each other for almost a year now. That’s just crazy to me when I think about it. I even told him it didn’t feel like that long. I asked him if he would believe me more about my feelings when I’ve moved out and he said yes, that it’s hard for him to fully trust what I say since I’m still living with my ex. And I understand that, he even told me that while he doesn’t mean to be hesitant with me he just doesn’t want to get his hopes up and things between us fall through.

That could happen with even normal people I think but we will see. After we talked more about all this and I finally told him that even though people may tell me stuff about him I don’t believe it and I think he is a really good guy. I kissed his cheek like I had been doing just to make him relax a little. I also told him that’s why I decided to get to know him myself and see what I thought about things with him.

When we finally started the new movie we were both tired so he lay back on the couch and pulled me to lie on top of him. We fell asleep like that for a little while. It was so sweet too, anytime I would move he would squeeze me tighter and moan a little. Eventually he woke up and woke me up too. We started to kiss and things led from one thing to another with me eventually asking if I could suck his dick. His answer? Yes, please.

This probably lasted about 45 minutes and as I’ve said before, I love doing that to him because he gets involved in it. Take a note guys, the more you moan and talk, run your fingers through a girls hair or even hold her hair, touch her and just all around make her feel good…your BJ experience will even better and she may even enjoy it. I actually got extremely close to having an orgasm while I was doing it this time. After he came I laid on his chest and made a comment that my upper lip felt really swollen but just laughed it off. Well we just lay on the couch talking and cuddling for a little while. I started playing around with him and he was doing the same with me. He started telling me he had been having trouble sleeping again and was tired, I told him he needed to take his meds again so he could sleep better. He definitely seemed like he was ready to pass out. When I left he got dressed and walked me out, he looked so sweet all sleepy and pouty.

As soon as I drove off he sent me a text.

Him: “:)”

Me: “:))”

I passed out when I got home but first thing this morning he was texting me.

Him: “Sorry I went on about _____. Between that and _____, I was pretty disappointed even though I expected it.”

Me: “I know and that’s why I didn’t want to tell you about it. I really don’t believe you’re like that though if that helps any.”

Him: “I appreciate it. I’d rather know though even if it initially pisses me off.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll remember that but I still hate that I had to tell you and you got mad. I don’t like doing that especially when I  don’t believe what I’m told.”

Him: “What did ______ say bad about me…just that “an (his profession)” dated his daughter and it wasn’t fun? I got            ______’s gist….I’m a player and wreck homes for sports.

Me: “Just that I had to watch out for certain guys who worked there. Then he mentioned that one of the guys dated his       daughter and that he wasn’t a very good guy. He never mentioned you specifically but since you had already told me                 about it I knew he meant you.”

Him: “He indirectly said me…how many guys dated his daughter. And you’d have asked around if you didn’t already          know. I won’t say anything…wouldn’t want to give the satisfaction of thinking they matter.”

Me: “I know you wouldn’t, and you shouldn’t care what they say. Especially if you know it’s not true and can easily explain                what actually happened compared to what they try to say…I know it still is infuriating when people say stuff like that,   because a person without any sense could choose to believe what they heard instead of giving you the benefit of at least      proving them wrong.”

Him: “Yep”

Me: “I still don’t like that I told you something that made you mad :/”

Him: “Nah”

Him: “So what made you ask if I’d get back with me ex?”

Me: “You had mentioned she was texting you again wanting to see you so I just thought I’d ask”

And well that was it. Work had started so I’m guessing he got busy but I’m sure I will hear from him soon. So that was my past week, I definitely feel like I’m making some type of headway with my Russian and hopefully it will keep on going.

And by the way, the inside of my top lip has like a blood blister or something so it’s still swollen. Apparently I got too excited and forgot to give my top lip a break from covering my teeth!!

Any thoughts you’d like to share with me? What are your thoughts on dealing with people trying to start things about you when involved in your love life? What about exes trying to come back into the picture? I’d love to hear about it!



I’m Scared You’ll Forget About Me


I’m officially paranoid I may have messed things up with the Russian over the weekend. Maybe I didn’t and I’m making a bigger deal of things but I’m not sure.

Friday night we didn’t see each other but we talked most of the day and night. The next day I spent getting things arranged for my move and did stuff around my house all day and afternoon. While we were talking we decided to see each other that night for our usual thing. I picked up food and more alcohol since he was out. I got there and while we ate we watched the newest episodes of the show he got me hooked on until I was finally caught up. Admittedly, I was drinking faster than normal so I was slightly drunk early on.

We were flipping through the channels watching different things and joking around. To me he was acting a little distant and, thanks to dear alcohol, I voiced that he was acting weird and he said you always say that if I’m not all over you, I tell him it isn’t that but he needed to quit it. We joked around more and laughed it off. At some point, we were watching this thing that led us to have a discussion about politics and women. I’m all for talking about these things but not when I’m drinking. He was making me slightly annoyed and I kept saying I don’t want to have this argument right now but he kept on with it. I told him while I respect his opinions he was being slightly insulting in his comparisons and examples.


We finally stopped talking about that and decided to watch a movie. We were playing with each other in his kitchen so things went back to normal. We started the movie and I was leaning on him. After a while he kept putting his hands on my face and playing with my lips, I grabbed his finger between my teeth and he made the comment “Oh is that all you got?” Wellllll…in my mind I barely bit down but apparently it was harder than I intended. He made a comment I hurt him and he was kind of pouting about it. I apologized to him and all that jazz. I could tell he was annoyed so I leaned to the other side of the couch to keep watching the movie. He started to get more playful with me after a while so I felt better.

I started to notice he was getting tired, it was fairly late, so I just mentioned I can leave if he’s ready to go to bed. He told me he didn’t want me to leave he was just yawning. Well a little later he asked if I wouldn’t mind heating up my leftovers for him. I told him I didn’t mind so I heated the food up for him and brought it into the living room. After he ate he decided he wanted to try out his new mattress and asked me to come try it too. When he got in it he felt one side and then the other and said, “Yep this is my side of the bed” and pulled me close to him. As I’ve said before he prefers to be “little spoon” but would hold onto my arm and lace his legs over mine. Well after a little while we both fell asleep. I didn’t plan on it since I wasn’t tired but it is a comfy bed. I woke up after almost two hours and was, well, horny.

I reached my hand down and started to touch his member. He started to groan a little but didn’t wake up, I kept on with it until I had his pants undone. Eventually I rolled him over and started to suck on him. He woke up at that point. After a little while he pulled me up and said he had to go to the bathroom. When he came back he laid down again but just pulled me back against his back. He positioned me a certain way so I took that as he didn’t want to continue on since he was tired. I didn’t try anything else but I did roll over because I got hot. Probably two seconds after I rolled over he reached over and started rubbing his hand over my ass and then stuck his hand down the back of my shorts. He then pulled his hand out and rolled me over. He then put my arm a certain way around him and then put my legs around his. I wasn’t sure about what he wanted but I whispered that he was killing me with this.

He played all shy but then stood up and turned some music on so it wouldn’t be so quiet. He came back and resumed the same position he was in earlier but this time he put his hand down my shorts and proceeded to give me an orgasm and then another. At some point he rolled over and I started to suck his dick again. After doing so for a little while he pulled me up and asked me, “Do you want to keep sucking my dick or do you want me to fuck you?” I told him I always want to do both but it was up to him. He then grabbed onto my hair and said, “What do you want?” I then told him I wanted to fuck him. I reached into his drawer and pulled out a condom and the lube. I resumed sucking his dick until he put lube on my hand. I rubbed the lube on him while he got the condom ready, I stopped while he put it on.

I probably only have one thought, I can’t call it a complaint because I had way too many orgasms to complain. I’m always on top it feels like. Always. And it isn’t like he doesn’t do things while I am on top and I do enjoy being on top but sometimes a girl just wants to feel the weight of a man on top of her or even from behind. But I did get him to cum with me on top which I felt proud of doing. I have this one move I do that apparently drives him crazy and he kept asking me to do it the normal way I do and then at different angles.

We had sex for well over an hour, maybe almost two. Plenty of hair pulling, ass slapping and dirty talking all those things I love. Before he came he asked me that when he did cum if I would keep jacking him off till he was done. I almost was a smart ass and said, “If I let you cum on my face do think I’d say no to that?” I didn’t say that though. When he came he pulled himself out of me and I proceeded to do as he asked. We lay together for a little while after, I was laying on his chest trying to catch my breath and he held me like that.

When we got up I got dressed and got some water. It was almost 5 in the morning so I was starting to wonder if he’d ask me to stay or not. That was a no. He walked me out to my car and kissed me goodbye and told me to let him know that I made it back to the house.

I did but I knew I wouldn’t hear from him because it was so late and he’s even told me he always sees that I text him and he tries to text back but sometimes just falls asleep.

The next day I felt so stupid for my behavior. And maybe you don’t think it was that bad but I just feel like I messed up. We did talk Sunday night. He asked if I watched the newest episode, which I didn’t get to, and then we talked about my house. Monday he actually parked his truck right next to mine. Which was intentional because there were plenty of spots besides that one. Later that night after a stressful meeting I sent him a text:

Me: “These meetings make me want to shoot myself in the knee sometimes”

Him: “Not the face?”

Me: “The knee would be a better way to suffer…I don’t want to die lol”

But that was it. He didn’t ask about the meeting or anything. I haven’t heard anything from him I’m sure I will again but it causes me to think even more that I did something wrong and pissed him off. I don’t think he should be that mad over it, mainly because he does stuff to me I don’t like. Like touching my face or being drunk and saying dumb shit like he has before. Maybe I’m making a mountain out of a molehill but the fact we haven’t really talked doesn’t make me feel any better.

What are your thoughts? Ever do anything stupid like that and immediately regret doing it? How did you handle the situation afterward? 


Getting Chills


Well, last night was an interesting one to say the least. I hadn’t been expecting to hear from the Russian since we hadn’t talked during the day. After I got home and was doing a couple of things he had sent me a text asking if I had any plans for last night. I didn’t really have anything planned besides reading and relaxing. So he asked if I would want to come over for our usual “food, movie, alcohol” fest.

When I got over there, before we even started eating, he was telling me about the latest news on his work stuff. After he told me his updates we started eating and talking to each other. It was our normal conversation things, nothing crazy. After we ate he was fixing up his surround sound stuff and asked if I would pick out a few movies. I had noticed he had this super old cartoon movie in his collection so I pulled it out and asked why he had this movie. He went on to explain to me some stuff about his family that made me a little sad for him. He really had it rough as a kid growing up, especially being the oldest and the first son. I think he feels the need to control things in order to prevent bad things from happening.

I went ahead and picked out two movies then mentioned a comedy he had and we decided to watch that first. He made us some drinks and the movie started. At first I was sitting next to him with my legs tucked under me and then I got a little cramped so I stretched my legs across his lap, to which he began just massaging my legs.

He then was like I want to show you something, it’s kind of weird but it explains my family some. He then explained a back story on how his mom has always had some problems and since she started a second job she’s been doing a little better. Well her washing machine broke and she had to use another relative’s washer to wash her clothes and then she dried them back at her house. With her job she ended up getting a paid weekend off so she took the Russian’s sister and brother out of town. While they were gone he brought over his washer and dryer, hooked everything up for her and didn’t tell her he was doing it. He showed me the video of her reaction seeing what he had done and it was so funny but so sweet too.

After he showed me I had leaned over and kissed him on the cheek and told him that it was a really sweet gesture for him to do that. We continued watching the movie and at one point he reached over to see if I was wearing a bra and I was, he told me I was breaking the rules and I reminded him if he wanted it off he could take it off. A few minutes later I did take it off just to appease him, plus I knew he was expecting me to. Somehow we got on the topic of implants and what we thought about them. He’s not against them but he doesn’t think they are really necessary. I mentioned that I have thought about getting them but I do like mine even though they’re smallish they are pretty and perky. He made a comment that he loves mine and wouldn’t want to change them. Well he was doing something and I had leaned back on the couch laughing about something, this caused my shirt to pull tighter against me and show the outline of my breasts. He’s looking at me and says, “I want to take a picture of you just like that. You have no idea how sexy you are right now.” I roll my eyes and say no. We then get on the topic about him taking pictures of me without permission and he claims he deleted them but that he would like my permission one day for pictures like that.

Once this first movie ended we realized we were out of an ingredient for drinks. We decide to go get more and he makes the comment he wants me to go in there with no bra on and I look at him like he’s crazy. Because not only is it obvious I have no bra on but my nipples are hard. He notices this and says maybe he should go in but I can’t give him an erection because we both would be in trouble. Men. Once we get back he’s fixing our drinks and I’m walking around his living room area while we just talk with each other.

He tells me he bought a new mattress and got a great deal on it, so we started talking about furniture and eventually later we started having a conversation about rental properties.

So we have two movies picked out and I choose a certain one since the other was a comic book movie and he told me we would need to have a comic book movie lazy day so I could really catch everything. I tell him that would be fun and I’d like that, especially since it is possible to do so. Then he pauses the movie and tells me that he has really been wanting to take me out on dates but that he knows it probably isn’t the best time for us to try and do that. I tell him it’s okay and I understand but that I would like to go out to dinner and things like that with him eventually too. He then mentions that he will be out at a place with some of our mutual work friends and that if I wanted to “stop by” and hang out he would like that. He even mentioned that since I know multiple people that will be there it wouldn’t be weird or suspicious. I tell him I’ll think about it but I wouldn’t mind stopping by. Then of course he says that I could sit in his lap if I wanted. I laughed and said that would make things between us a little obvious. He then tells me that what happens outside of work is nothing we need to worry about and that he already talked to his boss about that issue.

Well we start the movie and about ten minutes in the main character is looking at diamonds and I make a comment when the actor says something about the quality. Well the Russian pauses the movie and we get into a discussion about diamonds and engagement rings. He then tells me he wants to show me this plan he has. He grabs his laptop and brings it over to us. He then starts talking to me and says that if for some reason things didn’t work out between us he would always want me to be successful. I laugh and agree with him, then he tells me he doesn’t see why things wouldn’t keep getting better with us. Unless I choose to end things, I remind him he could easily end things just as I could, he tells me that’s highly unlikely. I wanted to say something about not speaking to me but he was being sweet so I held off.

He then shows me this completely detailed plan he has on properties and the profit he could make off of them. I even told him I planned on renting my home out after a few years too since it will still be pretty brand new. After we talked through that and I asked some questions about it, I was pretty impressed. But I guess that’s how it is with older men, they already have their lives figured out and know what they want for the future. Which is definitely nice compared to what I am use to.

Then we got back on the topic of weddings and engagement rings. His view is that most rings cost between $10-15K (uh, my kind of estimate right there) and that weddings are about $15K. I stopped him right there and said that the wedding cost was fairly low for some people but that was my thoughts. We both agreed that some parents will offer the couple a lump sum of money in exchange for a wedding. He said, “Why don’t you start with a smaller ring, have a small wedding that will lead to the parents giving you some cash that can go to your future together?” I tell him that some women view the engagement ring as what their worth is to the man, he then asks me my thoughts on rings. I say, “Would I love a six carat engagement ring? Hell yes! But I would rather there be thought behind the moment and the ring. Then over years together maybe have upgrades of the center stone or ring all together.” That’s what my parents did any way and I loved it. I also tell him I would prefer a small wedding on a beach or somewhere far off and just include the closest people to me and the man I marry.

After we get off that subject he starts the movie and tells me he promises not to pause it anymore. I laugh because I know it isn’t true, he’s in a talking mood. He makes a comment that he feels like he is always the one talking and I just tell him I love to listen so it doesn’t bother me at all. We start the movie…again and get through more of it. At some point, we get on the subject about parts of the body. He makes a comment about an actress and if she has real boobs. He then tells me he’s an ass, boob and face man. I laugh and say well I don’t have much in the boob department and he grabs one of my breasts and tells me that he loves my boobs, ass and I have a beautiful face. I shove at him and tell him to stop it, he then runs his hand up my thigh and brushes his fingers under my shorts. “You know, my sexual experience isn’t as high as you would think but you have the tightest pussy.” I roll my eyes and tell him to shut up. “No, I’m serious. When I think about you I literally get chills. I saw you walking in the parking lot from a coworkers office and I got the chills and had to stop myself from saying anything.” I instantly lean my upper body, since my legs are across his, and kiss his cheek a few times. He then grabs my face and kisses my cheek, then my neck and then kisses me on the lips. We instantly start kissing passionately and I feel like I can’t even breathe because he doesn’t want to break the kiss and I don’t either. We finally stop and he leans me back down but putting my head on his shoulder.

He slowly works his hand down to my shorts and quickly puts his hand up them to touch me. He asks if he gives me an orgasm will I be able to focus better on the movie. I tell him probably not but he can try. Needless to say, he gave me an intense one.

We attempt to watch more of the movie but at this point I’ve already been lost during the movie several times and I just was majorly distracted. Well he tells me to stand up so he can lay down and then pulls me to lay in front of him. At some point I roll to face him and we start kissing very again and I lean into his ear and whisper, “May I suck your dick sir?” He tells me I can, but only if I try to put it all the way down my throat. Normally, I always had no issues with a gag reflex but with him and how big he is it makes it more difficult. I tell him I’ll try, I start to give him a BJ and it drives both of us a little crazy. While he has his hands in my hair he pulls my head up and tells me he wants to fuck me. We go to get a condom and some lube then come back to his couch. He then tells me to go slow and tease him with myself. Once he has the condom on I take him in my hands, straddle him and begin to rub him against my clit. He tells me to make myself cum like that….and I do. Once he is inside me I lean forward and begin to ride him. He sits up and starts to suck on my boob, I tell him he can leave marks on me now if he wants to. This makes him almost, growl, and he immediately reaches for my ass and spanks it.

I stay on top of him for the majority of this time but in a few different ways. Normal girl on top, the I turned sideways (which was fucking phenomenal) and then reverse cowgirl. I did each of these positions two or three times. With countless orgasms during each one. I think he enjoyed me being sideways a lot because of his face, he makes the sexiest faces and it turns me on even more.

At some point while I’m facing him he asks me if I’m ready for him to cum, I tell him I am and he asks me where I want him to cum. At first I just say wherever he wants to but he grabs my face and tells me I need to tell him where I want it. I tell him on my ass and my back. He stands me up and leans me over the same chair from last time and fucks me like that for a good little bit. Then when he comes he does so where I told him to. He cleaned me off and I then turned around, kneeled down in front of him and starting sucking his dick since it was still hard. He let me do this for a while and I was able to deep throat him a few times. He yanks me up and kisses on my neck. I laugh and tell him I just wanted to see if he was still hard. We get dressed and relax for a little bit then I realize I need to leave. He walks me to my car and reminds about Thursday and that I should come. I tell him I’ll think about it, then I leave.

I had sent him a text saying I made it home and that morning he tells me he had a response written out but fell asleep before sending it. We actually talked quite a bit yesterday too. That night after we talked during the day he messaged me about some stuff we saw online and we were talking from about 8:30 to almost midnight. We were talking about something and I sent him one of the pictures I took of him, then I sent him one I had taken of him bent over. He laughed at me and made a comment on how the pictures he had taken were much sexier than those. We kept talking for a while until we both got tired. Of course, I should have been tired after only have a few hours of sleep but I just like talking to him.

Right now I’m trying to decide if I want to ask him about tonight or if I should just show up randomly. I know it is a risk to be seen with him but if we can keep our hands to ourselves I don’t think it would be too much of a problem. Then again, if the roomie sees us he could easily get suspicious. I just don’t know, because I would want to go any way since the group playing is one I really like.

What do you think? Should I ask the Russian about tonight? Should I just show up with friends? Or, should I not go all together? 


When You’re a Good Girl


I have this (pretty rational) fear that even once I’ve moved into my own place that the Russian will continue to pull his random disappearing acts on me. This time he went seven days without speaking to me after we spent multiple days together, including me picking him up from a bar. I wasn’t all that surprised because I knew it was bound to happen soon, things were just going too well for a while.

Over the last weekend I got super annoyed with the roommate (ex). He tried to have sex with me again and I had once again realized that was the reason he had been being nicer to me lately. Well, one night over the weekend he decided to go out and not return back to the house till 10:30 the next morning. I know I shouldn’t feel mad or upset by that considering what my feelings consist of with the Russian, but he still really pissed me off. Mainly because I know if I did that he would have been SUPER mad and probably try to come find me.

Well yesterday as I was leaving work to go run some errands I saw that the Russian had sent me a text about my driving as he usually does. We talked a little back and forth about it, he threw out the “we” word a couple of times and then that was it. Or so I thought any way. After I had finished working out I picked up some food then went to the house. The roommate came in later but decided to leave and meet some friends. So I went to bed with Netflix and some cookies. At some point a little later the Russian texted me.

I wasn’t sure what to expect but the conversation was actually a somewhat serious one about some work stuff he has been dealing with. It was a deep talk about these issues he’s having and what steps he’s having to take to either fix them or look for another job. Well once things got a little less serious I made a joke about him messing a word up.

Me: “Btw it’s poll* not pole lol”

Him: “I put poll but it autofucked me”

Him: “Pole is what I give you”

Him: “When you’re a good girl”

Me: “You messed up multiple times though soooo operator error!”

Me: “And aren’t I always a good girl??”

Him: “No ma’am. I even thought about it. Thank you for pointing it out but I do understand the definitions”

Me: “Lol I’m just playing with you sir! It’s not often you make a mistake twice so I have to give you a little bit of a hard time ;)”

Him: “I know :)”

As usual, he had to get a dirty remark in there but there is one thing I’ve noticed about him. He can never just be wrong, he has to always be right. Which is how I can be sometimes but that’s another post. We continued to talk about the work stuff a little more but then I passed out.  I just don’t get it or him. At least he didn’t wait two weeks to talk to me like last time. But to me, we’ve already discussed these issues and he should realize he doesn’t have to keep distancing himself. I know this thing has been going on for about nine months now but I’m officially moving out and you’d think he would accept that and now put in a real effort with me.

Who knows though? I just had to get that out of my system. Sad thing is? I’ll text him later to see how his meeting went and let him talk to me about it again. WHY? Because since I have a vagina I get these emotions that make me care sometimes. Does anybody else hate that??


Will You Tell Me How’s It Going To Be?


So much happened from the day after my last post, it’s pretty insane.

The boyfriend and I have officially broken up, as in, I’m in a separate bedroom in the house and we’re both searching for our own places. Even though I do already have mine and will be in it next month.


How did this break up happen you wonder? In order to save room for the rest of what’s been going on I’ll give you the abridged version. He asked to look at my cell phone, specifically my text conversations. I couldn’t let him do that so I resisted, three hours later after revealing true feelings and thoughts we decided to end things and find our own places.

It was a little rough on me, I hate ending things and I did once love him more than anything. We’ve been together getting close to six years now and lived together for probably five of those six. Now comes the daunting task of going through who gets what and moving into a new place. It is a weird situation though, because I still have to break my habits of wanting a kiss hello or goodbye, but I’m working on it.


Things with the Russian are going really well, after Tuesday night we opened up a whole new barrier between us. But I’m getting ahead of myself already.


Two days after the boyfriend and I ended things I went to see the Russian. Grabbed some food for us like usual and headed to his house, this was on a Friday so I didn’t have any time restrictions. We did our usual thing and I finally got caught up on the show we had been watching together. We also had sex, twice. The second time was not expected at all but worth it. I don’t have a lot of details because that happened about two weeks ago! After that we talked some over the weekend as usual.


The next week we didn’t see each other but we talked almost every day. He’s been having issues with work and we spend a lot of time talking about that. He always asks for my opinion about what’s going on and how I think he handled something. I was a little sad I didn’t get to see him last week, especially since he knew that the boyfriend and I had broken up but I kept myself busy and didn’t stay at the house too much over that weekend. We did however talk to each other over the entire weekend. I had gone out with some of my friends Saturday night and I was talking with him that night, and Sunday we spoke all day and late into the night. He had asked if I could see him Monday but I had plans and couldn’t, but we continued to talk to each other the rest of that night.


Tuesday came and we talked, I initiated a conversation that led to him asking if I wanted to have dinner and watch a movie.

I, of course, did so I finished getting ready and went to his house. Monday night we had been talking about him updating his resume and he sent it to me just to look over via email and give him my first thoughts on it. Well when I got there he asked if I would mind looking over it again with him. I was glad he had asked me to help him with something like that, we probably spent two hours between going through his resume and just talking. He told me he liked that we could just spend time with each other like that, since normally we usually get right into the show. Once we had gotten through his resume and felt good about it, we got on the topic of my looks. We had the usual discussion on how he doesn’t believe I don’t find myself attractive and all that jazz.


Eventually we started a movie, or attempted to start one. We put the movie in put paused it as soon as it started. He had asked me why the boyfriend and I ended. I explained what all happened to him and this is when things got very real. We talked about what this could turn into, his explanation for our “extended quietnesses” and any reserves we have with each other.


He explained that he can see what we have now becoming more, but he doesn’t want me to jump from one relationship to another and at the same time he’s worried I might meet someone else once I moved out and that would cause me to just leave him. I told him I’m not looking for anyone else and I also don’t want to just jump into another relationship. He told me the reason we sometimes don’t speak, on his part, is because that is his way of not getting too attached to me given the situation we are in. He was worried he would and then I’d either just stay with my boyfriend or I had just been using him. I told him that’s the reason I never made a big deal out of it because it wouldn’t be fair of me to set expectations for him giving the situation and how complicated it is right now. He told me that he really liked that I was able to understand that and not get immediately mad at him, his exact words were, “I know you can lay the law down and I can see that in you, but I appreciate it that you understand why things have been this way.”


We didn’t sleep together that night, it was my time of the month, but other stuff did happen of course. He wanted me to set a goal for how many orgasms he could give me that night, just from touching me. I said eight, well he easily surpassed that goal. Things did get fairly dirty, he made a point to make me suck his finger and he’d put it down my throat to see if I’d gag…I didn’t of course. That drove him crazy. He also proceeded to rub his dick against me, without a condom on. I resisted at first but he said he just wanted to touch me and I couldn’t really resist him.


When I finally convinced him I needed to leave he started walking me to my car but stopped me against the door, and then my car. Teasing me. I had been bent over in some shorts and I told him I wanted him to fuck me while I wore these, he told me he planned on it.


The next day we started by talking about the night before and how things went. Then we joked with each and talked on and off during the day. That night we talked more about his work issues and what was currently going on with that. That night he mentioned he wanted to tell me specific stuff about work in person and that if I was in my own place he wouldn’t have minded coming by to talk to me. I told him it wouldn’t be much longer and he asked the date again. Then he offered to help me move, I wasn’t going to ask too many people to help me and I didn’t want to ask him. I told him that and he said I should have known he would offer and that he can lend me his trailer and help. That surprised me a lot but I told him thank you.


After talking that night I didn’t hear from him until Thursday afternoon, when he asked to see me again. I was a little surprised because we usually don’t see each other that quickly in one week but I agreed and went over there. Thursday night we ate and again had some more serious talks about things. He wanted me to be more honest with him about certain things so I finally asked him if he’s ever told anybody about us and me. He said besides the friend who we’ve hung out with? I told him yes. He mentioned he told two of his best friends that live further away. He said he didn’t want to tell too many people because 1. If things fell through he didn’t want to look like an idiot and 2. We both know the same people so word could get out fairly easy. He then wanted to know why I asked him that, at first I didn’t really want to tell him but I finally said I was just curious if he was embarrassed by me. He literally looked so shocked when I said that.


He couldn’t believe I would think that about myself. He then went on another longish rant about my looks and how beautiful I am and that I should never think like that. He asked if I thought I was good looking enough for him and I kind of shrugged my shoulders at him and he was literally telling me that I was too pretty for him. And then we started talking about numbering each other and all that again. I told him I feel average about myself and he told me he would rank me a nine on looks alone. This went on for a little while and we finally started watching a movie again.


We started fooling around with each other and while I was kissing him I said I wished he was inside of me, and he told me he wanted to be and that he didn’t mind it being that time of the month. So he got us a towel and I went to the bathroom. When I came back he had everything laid out and ready to go for us. He made a comment about the condoms and the fact he had to get the smaller ones because they were out of his normal size…magnum XL if anyone was wondering.


So we started on the couch with me on top for a while, and then eventually we moved to standing and him behind me. He leaned me over this big chair of his and pretty much went to town on me. Slapping my ass and all that jazz. Then we got into his bed and he put another condom on, I was starting to feel somewhat bad because I knew they were too small for him but he never complained. We stayed in his bed with him on top of me with my legs on his shoulders until he came. We eventually went back to the couch and watched the movie again till it ended.


We eventually picked another movie out but somehow we talked about singing so he turned on some music and we started singing with each other. He has a really good voice and he normally always refuses to sing to me. I can’t really sing but I went along with him. Two songs really stuck out to me that he picked to play and sing. The first was “All of Me” by John Legend and the other was “Let’s Get it On” by Marvin Gaye. I say these two because he really sang those and would squeeze me closer to him while he did it. He had me laying with my back against his chest this entire time. We probably laid there singing and talking for a good hour if not more.


As things normally do, we got frisky again for a round two. He made a comment about the “tiny” condoms and when I looked at them I realized how small they were compared to him. Well, needless to say we had sex without them for the second round. And he felt absolutely amazing to me. I know we shouldn’t have but it’s like I just couldn’t help myself. Of course, when he got closer to coming he asked where he should come, I asked where he wanted. Typical guy answer…on my face and in my mouth.


I did say no at first, it’s more of a control thing for me to not let that happen but he eventually broke my barriers down and he stood me up to fuck me from behind, and then when he was about to come he spun me around, put me on my knees and came in my mouth and on my face. I was a little shocked it actually happened and he could tell by my facial expression. But he got me a wet towel and helped me clean my face off. This was around almost 4 am by this point when we finished, and as usual I had to leave. He didn’t want me to go but knew I had to. The next morning he started talking to me again, making fun of me for keeping him up all night. Of course, he brought up the fact I didn’t make him use a condom. He then asked what times are usually the ones you need to wear protection, I thought to myself well all the time but I told him when I’m ovulating you have to be more careful.


We talked some that afternoon but I was busy driving back from a business meeting and running off two hours of sleep so after I ate dinner I all but passed out. He sent me his usual text at about midnight that night:


Him: “Whaaaaaaaaaat”

Me: “Hello sir”

Him: “JJs, dance floor”

Me: “Lol getting your groove on?”

Him: “McMinnville, C’mon. Fucking word smith lmao”

(I know, that made no sense to me either but he was wasted)

Me: “Lol! Having fun?”

Him: “Bout to…wish we could be in public”

Me: “I know, me too…it won’t be much longer and we can”

Him: “What you doing?”

Me: “Just laying in bed all alone”

Him: “I’m talking to (my ex boyfriend’s name) right now. No shit.”

Me: “Lol that’s weird

Him: “Yes”

Him: “Can you come get me? I’ll walk down the road”

Me: “You need a ride home?”

Him: “Yes, the guy I’m with is palling around with your roommate”


Well I decided I would go get him and bring him home, he called me and stayed on the phone with me while I drove downtown to pick him up. He’s pretty adorable when he’s drunk so I didn’t mind. I was more worried the ex would see me picking him up since he was at the same bar, but the Russian walked about 3 blocks down from the bar. When he got in my car he noticed I needed gas so as we drove he told to find a gas station and he’d put gas in my car. He jokingly kept touching my face talking about the last time I brought his drunk self home. When I found a gas station I reached for my purse but he grabbed my hand and gave me his card…right before he tried to playfully hit me with his wallet but actually hurt my nose a little. He felt super bad so he kept kissing me and rubbing my nose. After I finally got my car filled up we continued driving to get him food since he was hungry. His drunk ass also kept honking my horn and driving me crazy with that.


When we got to his house we went inside and he ate while we watched tv and talked. He actually wanted me to stay the night but I just didn’t think it was a good idea, mainly because I’m trying to avoid getting kicked out for any reason before I move. But I stayed with him for a little, he held me while he slept for about an hour. When he walked me to my car, I got frisky and gave him a blowjob in his garage. Mainly because I knew he wasn’t expecting it and I felt like doing it. Well once he finished he finally let me go and I returned home. The….roommate was asleep and didn’t wake up when I got back. He didn’t ask me anything the next day nor did he mention seeing the Russian.


That day I spent with my friends out by the pool and we talked some but not as much. It was later in the day so I asked him what he was up to and this was his response:

Him: “I’m at my buddy’s. We cooked and will probably go see a movie…man date lol

(I had typed a response back but forgot to send it)

Him: I’d offer for you to come if it was 4 months from now lol

Him: “Or 2”

Me: “Lol it’s okay, I just saw I had a text written out but didn’t even send it”

Him: “What’d it say?”

Me: “Something about a bromance lol”

We chatted off and on that night, while he was in the movie we didn’t obviously. The next day I was out with some friends and we talked for a while. He asked me what I was doing that night and of course I didn’t have plans. So he asked if I wanted to come over again. Now, that’s three planned times we saw each other and one unplanned in one week. I’ve never seen him that much in one week.


I was a little tired when I got over there at first but we ate and talked like normal. At some point he asked me to help him with his back since it was bothering him. So I massaged it for him and then put ice packs on it then laid on top to help. After I did that for a little while we resumed sitting on the couch like normal. The movie wasn’t too interesting to me or him because he started getting frisky with me. One thing led to another and we went to his bed and fooled around for a little bit. Then of course we had sex. He had his normal condoms so we used one that time. Once we finished we both took a shower just to rinse off afterward. I put my clothes back on and we started another movie.


He had me pause it so he could go get more vodka for us. He came back and fixed a drink since mine was still okay. When I was ready for a second he told me I needed to learn how to make the drinks too. So I got up and started to make one, that’s when I noticed he had his phone pointed at me. I asked him what he was doing and he told me just taking pictures and I shouldn’t worry about it. I started laughing and told him to quit it. Well he continued until I was done fixing my drink.


Some point later I started to get turned on again so I began to suck his dick again. Only this time I realized he was taking pictures of me doing this. I started to get a little annoyed with him because he didn’t ask if he could and I’m not comfortable with that. I told him to put his phone down or else I’d have to bite him. He showed me some of the pictures he took while I’m still sucking on him, and he tells me, “Look how beautiful you are when you do that. And look at how hot you are in front of my fridge.” I just shake my head and continue what I’m doing. I tell him I want him to fuck me and at first he says he wants to come in my mouth and then fuck me. I was good with that so I kept on, then he asked if he could do both. I said of course.


So he picked me up and brought me to his bed. Now I was in my jean shorts from the other night so I started off on my knees in front of him. Then he yanked me up, bent me over the bed, pulled my thong and shorts to the side and proceeded to rub his dick against me until I was wetter. He then asked me if he could be inside me without a condom. I told him that was up to him and he proceeded to enter me without one. I must say, it was super hot to be fucked with my shorts still on. At some point I asked if he liked the way I felt and he then grabbed my hair to fuck me harder and he asked me what I thought.


He then pulled out of me and pushed me on my knees to suck his dick again. I did for a little bit then he laid me on my back, threw my legs up, shorts are still on and then he was inside me again. I could not get enough of that at all. After that he spun me around on the bed and had my head hanging off the bed and suck him again. Then, he made me stand up and he tried to fuck me standing up with my shorts on but they are too tight for that so he took them off me and kept me standing while he fucked me. Then he laid me back on the bed with my legs on his shoulders. I kept begging for him to fuck me and each time he would put his dick all the way in it would cause me to scream and pull back a little. Well, he eventually held me down so I could feel him all the way inside of me. And my god, did that feel good.


When he was ready to come I did ask him not to but I’m pretty greedy and couldn’t get enough orgasms that night. When he came he came on my boobs and stomach.


When we got dressed we resumed watching the movie, I thought he seemed a little distant at first but I leaned against him and he seemed fine. When it ended he said we would have to rewatch it one night since he distracted me this time. We joked around for a little bit and then I left close to 4 am. The ex woke up when I got home and questioned me some but not that much. I sent the Russian a text letting him know I made it back as I normally do:

Me: “I made it to the house old man lol”

Him: “Alright sucka”

Me: “Yeah yeah”

I haven’t heard from him since then, and that was a day ago so who knows. I think he’s always going back and forth in his mind with his feelings for me. Even after our serious discussions and the others we’ve had inbetween you would think he would be more open with me. I thought maybe we’d gotten past that but apparently we won’t for a while.

Sorry for the huge post! As you can tell so much has happened in the past few weeks, now that the company’s IT department will let me post again I will be able to keep up more.

Any thoughts or advice about this? Do you think the Russian is being more honest with me now? Or, could he just be continuing with his usual antics?


Reactions, Issues and Juggling


It sometimes blows my mind with how the Russian acts and how he wants me to be. Not in a bad way just in a shocking way. After we had spent the last time together I decided to check on how his meeting about work had gone and we talked normal about that. Then over that weekend we didn’t really talk, I was super busy and didn’t text him. Then on Monday I sent him a funny picture relating to a movie we had attempted to watch together and he never responded. I was completely thrown off and a little hurt.

Well I remembered his phone had been acting up after he updated and I had saved his email to his phone number in my contacts list. So I sent another picture on Wednesday to his actual phone number and he responded back immediately. I brought up him not responding to me in the conversation like this:

Me: “I sent you a hilarious meme Monday but SOMEONE was apparently too good to respond”

Him: “Never got it?”

I gave him a little bit of a hard time about it and then sent the picture to him again. He stated that he loved that movie and I made another comment to him.

Me: “I’ve only seen like 30 minutes of that movie thanks to someone”

Him: “That someone is you lol and I mayyy have slightly contributed”

Me: “Oh bullshit! You got those roles reversed old man lol”

Him: “Wtfe lol”

Him: “Whatever tastes better going down…pun intended”

Me: “Dirty, dirty old man!! But that was a nice one lol”

As the conversation progresses between us he mentions my boyfriend and says a statement that he knows aggravates me. I asked him why he said that and he said specifically, “To aggravate you.”

Me: “Would it kill you to ever just be nice to me once in a while?! Lol”

Him: “Ditto! And no it wouldn’t”

Me: “I am nice to you!!”

Him: “I’ll always be a smartass though”

Me: “And so will I lol I’m just saying!”

Then he went to dinner with his family at one of my favorite places in our city. He had mentioned it to me earlier so I was pretty jealous already. Well he sent me a text telling me what he ate:

Me: “I’m so jealous and hating you right now”

Him: “I’m ok with this.”

Me: “Oh well as long as you’re okay with me hating you!”

Him: “If it’s because I had ____ lol”

Me: “That’s a good point but I’m still mad at you so hmmm!”

Him: (He sent me a sleeping emoji)

Me: “Keep it up fucker and I’ll knock your happy ass out”

Him: “I’m sorry what? I dozed off.”

Him: “Lol damn I’m funny”

Me: (I sent him three emojis)

Him: “Don’t strain that pretty face”

Me: “That’s my mad/pout face and I’ll do what I want!”

Him: “Elevating your ratchetness will get nowhere.”

Me: “How was that even remotely ratchet sir?”

Him: “You raised your voice”

Me: “One exclamation is not me raising my voice sweetheart lol”

Him: “It is if I say so.”

Me: “Oh is that you using your big man voice on me?”

Him: “Yes it was”

Me: “You know how much I like it when you do”

Him: “Yes perve lol”

Me: “You call me a perve like it is a bad thing lol”

Him: “No I didn’t”

Me: “Uh huh if you say so”


We stopped talking after that point but it was already pretty late. The next day I hadn’t heard from him but I figured I would since Thursdays have become our nights to see each other. Well when I did hear from him it was later than usual so I was worried about me being able to get away. I actually would be by myself the entire weekend so I told him that but he was going out of town as it had turned out. Well I didn’t want to not see him for a while and I could tell he was the same way. He seemed a little upset when I mentioned I might not be able to but then luckily I was good to get away.

He asked me to pick up our usual food and made a comment about paying me for it. I haven’t taken his money only because it isn’t expensive, plus I don’t want him to think I need him to…right now any ways. When I got there we started the show and ate while watching it as usual. We talked about the episode we left off on and started joking with each other. After we ate he put the food up and sat back down with me. He waited a little while to make drinks but he eventually did. He asked me if I wanted one and I just said yes, knowing he was expecting a “yes sir” from me. And he pulled me to him and said “Yes what?” and I just smiled and said yes. He laughed and said I was asking for trouble behaving that way.

As the night progressed we talked more about my house and other things going on. When we discussed my house he brings up again that he didn’t think I was really going to move. I get frustrated and tell him if he’d like to see the signed contract then I can pull it up to show him. He tells me he believes me now because most people wouldn’t lie about something like that. I remind him I haven’t been lying it just hasn’t been a good market lately for houses. He makes us each a second drink when my phone goes off. One of my old school friends had sent me a text asking about a particular class and teacher. The Russian actually said, “Who you texting little girl?!” I knew he was being funny so I explained the text and what was going on. This led to a further discussion of “juggling” people.

He made a joke to me about other guys and I said, “Unlike some people, I don’t juggle multiple people in my life.” He asks me if I was directing that somewhere and I just said, “Nope, I’m just saying I don’t do that like other people can do.” He grabs my face and tells me I have my facts wrong and to not think like that. I laugh it off and give him a kiss on the cheek. I did ask him about why he would send me one text and then nothing else; he claims he was testing me. Which is something I hate but I tell him again he can easily text me.

At some point he takes my bra off but does it a little different than normal. I had been leaning on his side with his right arm around me and my legs over his. Well he sits me up and undoes my bra strap then moves his hand up to take my bra strap down. I usually take it off so I lift my hand to do that and he grabs it and pushes it onto my lap. He then removes my bra completely for me. He sits me back like I had been and we continue watching our show. He had been rubbing my legs and I made a comment about being a little sore so he puts me in his lap and starts to massage my shoulders and back. All while slightly teasing me of course.

As things progress we start kissing each other and then he’s lying on the couch while I’m on top of him. I tell him I want him and he asks me kind of a weird question, to me anyways. “Do you want me to fuck you while you watch this show or do you just want me to fuck you?” I kind of raise an eyebrow at him and I tell him I just want him to fuck me, he grabs my throat and tells me “Good answer.” While we continue to kiss I unbutton his pants and then he pushes me off of him. I kind of look at him and he grabs me and tells me to go to the bed. He had to go to the bathroom so I walked to his bed and lay down. When he came back he rolled me onto my stomach and slowly takes my shorts and panties off and then throws them over the bedside table. He makes me lay like that while he plays with my ass, going from smacking it to gently playing with it. He turns me over and then he’s the one on his stomach. I sit him up and take his shirt off then move down to take his pants off. Once those are off then things went on as normal. I sucked on his dick for a little bit, going easy on him just to tease him more than anything. Then he puts lube on my hand that I rub on him while he gets a condom ready. Once he’s ready I straddle him and slowly take him inside me. I don’t think I’ll ever get use to that feeling. He’s almost too big but it always feels amazing. Once he’s inside me it takes a moment for me to get comfortable enough to start riding him. He makes a comment about me being super tight and arches his back up which pushed him deeper in me, causing me to yell out a little.

I stay on top for the majority of the time, from reverse cowgirl, being sideways and normal girl on top. I tell him that I want him behind me and he quickly flips me around like that. As he’s starting to really fuck me he pulls my hair which makes me lift my face right next to his. I turn my face a little and kiss him deeply like he likes. He tells me he’s about to cum and wants to cum on my back. I don’t think I’ll ever understand men’s fascination with that. I tell him he can but he tells me I have to have one more orgasm first. So hey, I’m not going to tell me no! I have my millionth orgasm and then right when he came he pulled out, threw the condom off and came on my back.

He cleans my back off and we lay in bed together for a little while longer. Since he’s on his back and still hard I kiss his chest and stomach then make my way down to his member. I give him a little BJ, it’s easier for me to deep throat him right after he came. He definitely makes the sexiest noises when we are enjoying each other; I think I’m addicted to that the most. Just his reactions to me doing things to him.

He hands me my shorts and kind of stands there, I jokingly ask if he was going to watch me get dressed and he said he wanted to but he’d be a gentleman and wait. We resume sitting on the couch for a little bit and start watching a game on TV. We discuss it some and have a semi-serious discussion about teams and players. He gave me crap for my teams I liked and why I liked them. Eventually I leave and he walks me out as usual. We talk more and he kisses me a few times before I go.

Over the weekend I didn’t talk to him but I knew he was with his friends out of our area so I just let it go. He saw me at work yesterday, I’m not sure how or where, but I know I looked good. Pencil skirts are always a sure way to flatter this girl’s body.

Him: “Looking sharp”

Me: “Thanks, I do what I can”

Him: “Don’t get big headed!”

Me: “Lol! I’m not, just being honest fool!”

Yesterday afternoon I went and checked out the progress on my home and the status of some of the things being done. I went to another house this man had done and saw what the kitchen will look like almost exactly. Well I photographed it and sent it to the Russian later that night. He really liked it and we talked about the house some and what I’ll be doing to it. I make a comment about the floors and they will be like his but I said something about some that were too shiny and he thought I was saying I didn’t like his. I jokingly called him a “grouchy ass” and he told me he thought we were being nice and I said we were till he gave me attitude and he kind of pouted a little.

Me: “Oh don’t frown at me! You know I’m playing with you.”

Him: “Wish you were”

Me: “Mmm is that right?”

Him: “Yep”

Me: “The feeling is mutual”

Then we get on the topic of my relationship and how that was going. He asked basically if we had officially broken up, I tell him no but it’s obvious between the two of us that it will happen. To be honest with my readers the boyfriend and I have talked maybe 30 minutes with each other the past two weeks. Only if it’s about the dogs or house do we speak to each other, otherwise it’s nothing. I told the Russian that we rarely go places together anymore and we literally talk to each other like roommates.

I honestly get the feeling the Russian is going to want to eventually make things more between once I’m moved out on my own. I worry about the trust aspect with that but I’ll just have to really show him he can trust me. Of course, like one of my readers mentioned I will have to ask him what it is he wants too. I do and I don’t look forward to that. Oh well! Closing date is getting closer and closer, wish me luck as I end one relationship, move out and start life all over again. I’m absolutely terrified but excited too, oh the joys of being an almost grown up! 

Am I the Only One?


After my last post I had another night with the Russian. This one was different than the others for sure.

For the first time he asked to see me and I wasn’t able to go see him. He had been texting me some last Wednesday and I guess that should have been my hint he wanted to see me but I was just busy and didn’t notice. Then he sent me a texting asking about watching our show that night. This is how that conversation went:

Me: “Tonight?”

Him: “Yea, just got off sorry”

Me: “Lol it’s okay, I want to but it’s my gym night”

Him: “So come at 7:30”

Me: “I go at 7, pay attention!”

Him: “And go again…not all people do all 3 hours in one night lol”

Me: “I don’ do three hours I go MWF lol”

Me: “I might be able to tomorrow night”

Him: “Ok, loser”

Me: “Oh don’t sound so thrilled about it ass”

Him: “I’m not lol”

Me: “Oh so you’re not even the tiniest bit thrilled to see me? Thaaaaankkkksss ass lol”

Me: (Insert our glare emoji)

Him: “Not thrilled about waiting a day drama queen”

Me: “Yea yea, it’s just a day! I gotta stay in shape so you don’t trade me in lol

Him: “True true”

Me: “Keep on cruisin old man”


Then we had a normal conversation and he was asking about anything new about my house. Well the next day I was fairly busy so I didn’t text him till about 3:30 that afternoon asking if I should still plan on coming over. I didn’t hear back from him for about an hour so I figured he just didn’t want to see me so I went about my business at the house. Well I got a text from an email address that I realized was him and he was asking me about that night. I informed him I had texted earlier but it must not have gone through. So I told him I’d be there between 6:30 and 7. He asked if I would pick up food and I didn’t mind so I did.

When I got there he was on the phone and stayed on it for a little bit. It was obvious it was about work so I just started eating and waited for him to finish. When he got off the phone he was really upset and it was obvious. As we were eating he went on to tell me about some work issues he had been having and how they were making him feel. We talked about that for a good hour and a half, I could tell he needed to vent so I let him. Once he got it out and we talked about what he should do next he relaxed more and made us drinks. When we picked up the show where we left off we kind of talked about other random things and just played with each other.

About halfway through the first episode his phone rings and he goes into the other room to talk. Well this call lasted like 20 minutes and I was trying to not let it aggravate me, it did a little bit but I got over it. When he came back in the living room he apologized again and paused the movie to talk to me about the call. It was someone he works with that he really respects and looks up to who was giving him some advice. It was something I had suggested earlier and he said he was definitely going to do that now.

We both started watching the show again and he realized I needed another drink so he went to fix some. I was joking with him and giving him a hard time and he was joking right back. He kept telling me I didn’t to put my tough exterior away and just relax. I told him I wasn’t doing that, I honestly didn’t think I was but I think subconsciously I just do that. Well I started being sweeter to him and kissing on him more. Then I started to tickle him. I’m not sure if I ever posted this but the Russian is super ticklish and I use it to my advantage  a lot. Well eventually we got into a tickle fight and he had me pinned on the couch tickling me, I was pretty much yelling and laughing while he did it. He wouldn’t stop until I said “sorry” twice to him.


I finally relented and he pulled me up next to him. As I was leaned against him we started talking about each other’s bodies. He made a comment about not understanding why he just didn’t have a six pack already. I told him I thought he looks great and I can tell he’s been working on it. He then tells me he can notice a difference in me too, not that I needed it but that I’ve become more toned.

We talk a little bit about it and then, as usual, he starts touching my face and grabs my cheeks. I pull back, make a face and tell him to stop. He reaches out and grabs my face super quick and questions me about why I don’t like him touching my face.

“Did someone do this to you that you didn’t like or do you think you just not like your cheeks?” I tell him it’s just because I think I have big cheeks. Which is true, I have always thought my cheeks were just big. We start talking again and he makes a funny statement about my bra. He tells me to take my bra off, I tell him if he wants it off he can remove it. He takes a handful of my hair and pulls my face towards him, “You heard me, take your bra off. Don’t make me ask twice.” Well, I can feel my rebellious side come out and I get excited he might…chose to discipline me so I tell him again, if he wants it off he can take it off. He lets go of my hair and laughs that I don’t listen very well. He stands up to go to the bathroom and says, “It better be off when I get back in here.” So I listen that time and take it off, but I don’t say anything when he gets back.

When he’s back on the couch I kiss his cheeks that I normally do. I start by doing that real slow, spacing out the kisses by a few seconds and make my way to his lips as usual. He reaches up and puts his hands on both sides of my face and kisses me back. He eventually slide one hand down and grabs my breast. He leans back and says, “Oh, so you did take this off.” And he smiles at me, he continues to rub on my breasts and then he wants to know if he can ask me something. I nod my head and moan a little cause he hasn’t stopped touching me, “What size are you?” I tell him I’m a small C, and he says he was going to guess that or a bigger B. I make a remark about not having big breasts and he says, “Just  because someone has Ds doesn’t make them pretty. And yours are so pretty.”

I laugh and say thanks; he grabs my face again to continue kissing me. I eventually slide my hand down to touch him. I had bumped his member with my elbow when we were kissing and wanted to see if he was hard like I thought. And he sure was. So I give him a tug and moan while we kiss. He leans me forward and nudges my head down, this causes me to look at him and lift an eyebrow. He tells me just to give it a little bite; he was wearing basketball shorts so I do as he asks through his shorts. I lean myself back up and lean against him. He has his arms around me and I’m still groping his member. He tilts my head up and asks me a question I wasn’t expecting.

“Am I the only one?” I was surprised he asked me this, since he never really has before. And to be honest, since he and I had picked things up again since February he has been the only one. So I look at him and I say, “Yes, you’re the only one.” He grabs my face and tells me to be honest, I can tell he’s really studying my eyes so I hold them open and repeat what I said. I also add, “I’m not going to lie to you, there’s no point.” He kisses me and says, “I always believe you when you look at me like that with those big eyes.”


He reaches towards my pants to touch me and I kind of push his hand away. He looks at me and smiles, “Bad time this week?” I nod my head and yet he still reaches inside my pants. I smack his hand and ask if he didn’t understand what my nod meant. He tells me he just wants to feel the top and I tell him I’m not smoothly waxed anymore I’m in between. He tells me he doesn’t care, which freaks me out. I’m not crazy hairy but I don’t like having hair period, but as he touches he asks how long it has been and I tell him maybe four weeks. He tells me that it’s still pretty smooth for that long. Then he takes his hand away and tells me that I need to trust him more when he does that.

He sees some light reflect from my yoga pants and he grabs the top of them and I kind of push his hand away. He tells me he just wants to see my underwear. I laugh and say too bad because I didn’t have any on. He looks at me and asks that even on my period I don’t wear them. I tell him I just don’t wear panties with yoga pants. I make the remark that I’ve always been more comfortable with less clothing on. I tell him how I hate wearing pants and I prefer shorts, dresses or skirts. He tells me I’m just saying what he wants to hear. I informed him I haven’t told anyone that fact, but my mom knows because I’ve always been that way. He shakes his head and tells me I’m so sexy and I don’t even realize it. I roll my eyes and kiss him some more.

Things progress further and I ask if I could suck his dick. Needless to say, he gave me permission. 🙂

I hadn’t really given him a blowjob since his birthday (the night of four BJs) and I’ll admit I was pretty excited to do that again. Once he came for me he pulled me up to him and I told him he shouldn’t deprive me from doing them. He laughs and says he hasn’t but he just loves being inside me. I tell him I like that too but I love doing this. We finally get back to watching the show and talking. I was feeling pretty bold at this moment and I ask him about why he sent me a text over the weekend and never said anything back. He claims he was testing me. I say, “Russian (full name), I have told you that makes me feel weird. If you want to talk to me then talk to me!” He looks at me and says, “The same can be said for you, little girl.” I laugh and tell him alright but it still makes me feel weird to text him.

Eventually as the night gets later we decide I need to leave soon, now I’m not sure how this happened exactly but he pulls me across his lap and gives me three hard ass slaps. My god, can the man spank some ass. When he finishes doing that he tells me that’s a reminded to behave. I laugh a little and tell him, “Yes sir” while we stand up. We start kissing and he proceeds to touch me through my pants, I resist a little at first but then I relax and let an orgasm just happen. He then lifts me like that and bends me over the front of the couch, while he grabs onto my ass I reach between my legs and touch his dick. He moans when I slide it out of his shorts and rub him against my clit, through my yoga pants. Eventually I turn around and kneel down in front of him. I give him a second BJ, and this was the first one with all the lights in his house on. It was weird for me because I hadn’t seen his dick like that yet but it was also super exciting. After he came I stood up and he leaned his body against mine and said I was going to kill him with those. I remind him he needs to stop depriving me. This could have been the alcohol talking but as I was walking behind him I leaned forward and told him I really want to give him another one already. He groans at me and says we’d be up all night if we didn’t have work (and if I didn’t need to get to the house). What can I say, I really enjoy giving him blowjobs.

As I was getting in my car he told me to let him know when I made it back in as usual. He texted me some while I was driving and then when I made it home I let him know. Friday I asked him how his meetings went and we talked for a long time. Nothing since, I did run into him at the office though. I had parked and was walking to the door when I saw two men standing by it. I could tell it was him just by his back and the way he was standing. He turns around and tells me “Hey” I smile and say “Hello” and keep walking.

I realize now he probably wants me to text him more but that’s so weird for me and when I did it before it always seemed I was bothering him with it. But we will see what unfolds from here.

What are your views on being the first to text the other person? Any advice on how to handle that or if you would even do that with a man you were seeing? 

Just Fucking Rip Them!


I’m not sure how to really even begin this post. As usual a lot has happened since my last post and even since last week.

I officially have found a house that I love, I made an official offer on it and it was accepted. Closing is expected to be early this summer so keep your fingers crossed for me! The only problem is I haven’t shared this information with the boyfriend yet. My family and I agree that I should wait till it’s closer to the date otherwise living together for another two months would be quite awkward. Also, he could get angry and just completely kick me out which wouldn’t be good either.

Well the Russian and I are in our usual weird limbo. Last week we saw each other on Thursday night and let me say, that was one to remember.

**Kind reminder, there will be sex discussed in this post so turn back now if you don’t want to read about it!**

We were both off that Friday so after a drawn out conversation that dealt with us playing cat and mouse we decided to see each other on Thursday. At some point in the conversation I will say he mentioned our “extended quietnesses” (his own words). I didn’t get a real answer on it as I had passed out after it was brought up in a playful way. The days before that we spoke a lot with each other. A lot about my new house, a major project he’s been working on and then a few other things too.

That Thursday we talked pretty much the entire day since he was off. So when it got closer to the time we decided to meet he asked if I wanted to pick up some food for us and I did.

When I got to his house we sat down to eat and start the show. We were just talking a lot with each other and joking around. After we ate and watched about half of an episode he asked if I wanted a drink and I said yes so he fixed us drinks. I think this was one of the times when we just talked a lot with each other. We joked around so much and had some random conversations. When it came time for a second drink I was surprised at how early it was so I asked for another. By that second drink I was definitely feeling it and I could tell he was too.


He gets to be so silly around me once he’s comfortable, we kept making jokes about the show we were watching and he would crack me up about that all night. Or we would say the same thing at the same time and he would be sure to point it out to me when it happened. Sometimes I feel so comfortable around him I can’t help but wonder what will happen when I’m officially on my own. I guess that’s something we will see later.

Back to the story. So we had been sitting on the couch during this time and I was wearing shorts. So he was rubbing on my legs and holding my hand. I had been really picking on him, mainly calling him the usual nicknames I do and he was pretending to pout about it so I kissed on his face like I know he likes. I kissed his cheek and slowly made my way to his lips, I kissed the corner of his mouth and then he turned to face me and he starts to touch my cheeks. I make a face a pull back a little and he tells me to stop that and says, “You need to get over this face thing because I like to touch your face.” So I let him touch my cheeks and then we started to kiss very deep. He’s running his hands through my hair and touching my face and throat like he normally likes to do.


When we finally came up for air we resumed watching the show but this time he had me pulled right up against him. My memory gets a little hazy here so just hang on.

We started to kiss again and he slipped his hand between my legs and started gripping my thighs. After more kissing he slid his hand up and started to touch me through my shorts. At some point he had his hand down the front of my shorts. He made a comment about my waxing and how long it usually lasts. He then starts to touch me until he slides a finger inside me. I keep my eyes open and on his facial reactions, he closes his eyes, arches his back a little and moans. He becomes aware I was staring at him so he starts moving his finger faster and deeper into me. Causing me to close my eyes and really enjoy myself.

After he does this for a little bit he turns so his back is against the arm rest and I turn to face him. He stands me up and I take my shorts off, he then asks me to stand over him while I’m just in my shirt and panties. These are those that are the “cheeky” ones that the portion that covers your ass is all lace. As I’m standing over him he touches my ass and starts talking to me. He gives me all these compliments on my ass and that he wishes he could photograph this moment. I laugh and tell him to keep wishing cause that won’t happen. (I was horny, not stupid at that moment) As it continues, I finally turn around and straddle him. He moves to try and take my panties off so I jump off the couch and take a few steps away. He sits up and gives me a look then tells me to come back over there. I tell him to come catch me and I walk to the bed. He grabs me real quick and carries me to his bed. As I sit on the bed he grabs a condom and a bottle of lube then he sets them on the bed.


He lays down and I sit on top of him. After he takes my shirt off I’m only in my panties. This is when things got intense. He’s rubbing on my ass and makes a remark about ripping my panties off me. I tell him I’ve never had someone do that and I wish he would. He tells me it might hurt me and I said, “Just fucking rip them!” And that is exactly what he did, in literally two seconds he ripped my pretty lace panties right off of me.Image

At that point things progressed quickly. He puts some lube on my hand that I then rub on his dick while he reached for the condom. When he had that on he rolled me onto my back and asked if I wanted him, I said, “Yes Sir” and he pushed himself inside of me. He had to go slow at first like he normally does and then things really started going. We had sex with him on top with my legs in the air and wrapped around him, I was on top in about four different positions, then he was behind me as I laid on the bed and then before he came he had me leaning over the bed while he was behind me. This was well over an hour by the time he came.

It still is crazy to me that he can last that long. He got up so we could find our clothes and go back to the couch. I found my shirt and he threw me my shorts after finding my panties ripped. He made a comment about them and wanting to keep them. I laughed and told him no. For some reason we couldn’t find his shorts anywhere so he just put on the cutest pair of boxers. He said they were his favorite cause of how soft they were. I liked them because I could easily see the bulge of his member. That statement made him laugh a lot.

We resumed watching the show together and were talking about random stuff again. At some point he got frisky and started touching me again. He tried to get hard again but considering we just had sex and had been drinking it didn’t happen at that moment, so he asked if I’d take a nap with him. We both were laying on the couch in just our shirts. He held me to where he had me wrapped in his arms and my head was laying on his chest. Any time I moved just a little he would hold onto me tighter and wouldn’t let me move. So I let him sleep for a little bit. I wasn’t tired but it was nice just laying like that with him.


Eventually he woke up and so did his member. We resumed where we left off before the nap. I was sitting on top of him and straddled him. One thing he does that I really like is when he can take control while he’s underneath me. He will hold my hips still and, well, just really fuck me. At some point he lifts me up and carries me to the large chair in his living room and bends me over it. He really starts to go when he’s behind me. It’s almost too much for me because I was still a little sore. Then he starts to get more into slapping my ass. Which he had done before but I think in that position he was able to really do it. He favors his right hand so he slaps my left ass cheek the most. For the first time I had to tell him to go easier because it was starting to border on actually hurting. He was surprised by that but he switched hands and ass cheeks. I lean myself up so my back is against his chest and he lifts me up while he continues to fuck me.


I don’t know how but he then turns me around and lays me on the armrest. He asks if I want him to cum and I tell him “Yes Sir” and he keeps going, I had so many orgasms at this point I can’t even guess. Whenever he comes he pulls me against him and holds me. As I walk around to get dressed he’s standing there completely naked and I couldn’t help but just stare at him. Maybe it was the added alcohol or the fact I was like a horny teenager but I know my look was one of those hungry and greedy looks. He made a comment that if I didn’t stop staring like that we’d have a problem. I told him to either put some underwear on or another condom.

Once I’m dressed he just wraps a towel around himself and after a playful game of him trying to take my panties we walk to my car. We talk a little more and then he kisses me goodbye, tries to take my panties again and then I finally leave.

As usual, we didn’t talk the next day but I was busy with family stuff and he knew that. The day after that he sent me a text with his usual “Yo” and I responded but he never sent anything back. So we didn’t talk over the weekend. But Monday afternoon he was parking his truck behind my car while I was leaving to run an errand.

Him: “Did you even notice that was me speed demon?”

Me: “I had a feeling it was you lol and I wasn’t even driving that fast”

Well we didn’t talk yesterday but then today he’s been texting me more. As usual he was critiquing my driving and telling me I need to drive slower, I tell him I will drive slower and I can almost tell it’s the dominate personality in him trying to come out.

Ahhh this man drives me insane with these “extended quietnesses” as he liked to put it. I don’t know if it’s because he wants me to text him or if he’s just being weird because of this entire situation.

Oh well, we will see what happens. So that was my last week and a half, how was yours?

But Timing’s a Bitch


Where do I even begin this post? A lot has happened in the last few days…last night especially.

**Forewarning, there is definitely some graphic sex in this post so if you’re offended or not interested in sex you have been warned!

After talking to the Russian somewhat over the weekend I didn’t hear anything from him from Sunday until Thursday after work. I had literally just left the office and was driving home when I got his text.

Him: “Yo _____”

Me: “Hola _____”

Him: “What are you doing this evening?”

Me: “I don’t know, I haven’t made any plans”

Me: “And yourself?”

Him: “Wondering if you would like to watch the new Hobbit?”

Me: “Hmmm possibly”

Him: “Hmmm”

Me: “I can probably swing that, maybe this one won’t put me to sleep”

Him: “I can give you something to do while we watch if you need help staying awake”

Me: “Haha! I’m sure you can lol”

Him: “It’s long though”

Me: “What’s a good time for me to come over?”

Him: “The movie”

Me: “I know that perve”

Him: “Sorrrrry…it couldn’t have meant something else apparently. I’m offended!”

Me: “Oh whatever! Lol you know it sounded perverted!”

Him: “I have an appointment at 5 so 7-7:30?”

Me: “That works for me”


If you could have seen my face and felt the emotions going through me when I saw he wanted to see me. So as I prepared myself to go over there I had a lot on my mind. It was mainly what should I say to him  and how should I act around him.

As I drove to his house my heart is just racing and I had a million thoughts racing in my mind. I get to his place and he opens the garage for me and I park.

I walk in and he’s fixing himself some dinner. I joke about what he’s making as I walk towards him. He grabs me in a hug and kisses my cheek. He’s a little weird about me watching him eat if I’m not eating so I sat on the couch and he was behind me at the kitchen table. While he’s eating he tells me about how busy he’s been with work for the past two weeks. He tells me a super long story about some stuff with work and I ask him a lot of questions but like most people, he has no problem telling me stuff. It must be that my face screams, “TELL ME EVERYTHINGYOU WANT TOO!” I should have become a shrink.


I should mention that he looked so handsome. Just in a tshirt and some jeans, it just screamed masculine. Plus he has amazing arms and I kept catching myself staring at them.

We talk about that for well about an hour, then when he finishes eating he starts to fix us drinks. I mention to him that I’ve found a house and I’ll be making an offer on it within the next few days. This, I could tell, really surprised him. We talk about that for a little while and then he puts the movie in and we start watching.

So he’s sitting on the couch and I’m next to him with my feet tucked underneath me but my legs are angled away from him. He grabs my legs and leans them so they are touching him and he can put his arms around them. He then asks me if it’s okay that he did that and I just laugh and say yes.

tumblr_n3tirwyMsl1rh1wv4o1_500So we talk a lot during this movie, about the acting, scenery and a few different characters. At one point I made a smart ass remark and he grabbed my chin and pulled me towards him so I would kiss on his face. As I’ve said in previous posts, he apparently really likes that. So I gave him a few kisses and pulled away. I lean against him and we continue to watch the movie and drink.

As he’s playing with my hair and rubbing my back, he finishes his drink and asks me if I’m done with mine so he could finish it and make us more. I drink the rest of it and he gets up to make us more drinks. As he is doing that he asks me more about the house. I start talking about looking at different loans and how we plan on presenting the offer.

We talk about that for a good 20 minutes, if not more. At one point he tells me that he was starting to think I was just lying to him about looking for a house. I tell him it’s just been hard trying to find what I want and be able to afford it on my own. He asks me if it’ll just be me there and I tell him yes. He asks how I think that’s going to go over with the boyfriend and I tell him it’s something that’s already been discussed. He drops that topic there because he could tell I didn’t really want to continue talking about it. We had been facing each other while talking about all this. Eventually he tells me I need to put my “tough exterior” down and relax.

I make another smart ass remark and he tells me that’s what he’s talking about. I laugh and lean in to kiss his cheek again, I slowly start to move my lips towards his as I kiss his face. We start to kiss each other and it’s very…..intense. He’s running his hands through my hair and touching my throat. I either touch his face or put my hands on his chest.



We eventually stop and start the movie again. He positions himself so his back is against the armrest and I’m leaning my back on his chest while sitting between his legs.

He plays with my hair and starts to massage on my arms. I make the comment that I’m pretty sore from working out with my new trainer the past few weeks. He tells me he notices my arms are different and more toned. As a typical man he starts to touch my breasts a little and then goes back to rubbing my neck and shoulders. He eventually leans me up to take my bra off.


I turn and look at him then he touches on my face. I squirm and tell him to stop because he knows I don’t like that, he tells me, “I know you have a thing about that but…you need to just get over it. There’s nothing wrong with your face.” I tell him I just don’t get why he always wants to touch my cheeks, he replies, “I’m not sure why but I just really like your cheeks. I just want to touch them.”

I laugh and roll my eyes, as I lean back again he rubs my neck and then starts massaging my face. As we continue watching the movie, we finished our drinks so he makes one more for us just to share. He comes back and we are sitting up together talking, he then turns me to face him while he is playing with my hair. He has both of his hands in my hair, just massaging my head and playful pulling my hair. I laugh and sigh because it feels good. He pulls me close to him and we start kissing again. This time it really escalates. As we are kissing he pulls back and asks if he can touch me, I look away and give a little shrug. He asks me again and makes me look at him, I nod my head yes.

He slowly puts his hand down my pants. I had gotten my wax last week so I was still very smooth. (Much to my relief!) Once he reaches my pussy he immediately closes his eyes and lets out a small moan. He begins by just playing with my clit because he knows how sensitive mine is and he easily brings me to an orgasm. Then he starts to slide a finger inside me and that really gets me excited. I start to moan louder and I’m clinging to his arm. I have a hard time letting myself go and lose control enough to really enjoy that moment. He knows this so he will hold my hand away from his so I can’t stop him. I reach over to touch him and he’s hard as a rock. I mean, hard. At some point he pulls me onto his lap and then stands up with me wrapped around him. He carries me like that to his bed.

As he sits me on the bed he grabs me, lays down and then he set me on top of him. He pulls me down to him and kisses me so hard. Then I sit up and he takes my shirt off. As he plays with my breasts and I start to instinctively grind on him he asks me if I want to suck his dick. I nod my head yes but I don’t move down there immediately, I continue to kiss on his neck. He asks me again, knowing I can’t resist and then I make my way down. I unbutton and unzip his pants then I start to suck on his dick. I eventually have his pants pulled all the way down and he positions me so I’m sideways and he can still touch me.


As he’s fingering me and talking to me I start to have a hard time concentrating on sucking his dick. I finally say something like, “If you don’t stop I’m going to want to fuck you.” He then puts a second finger inside me which causes me to cry out, I’m pretty tight, and he says, “Are you sure? That’s only two fingers. Do you think you can take what’s in your mouth.”tumblr_myreqfNNfI1soljxao1_250

I nod my head yes and straddle him. He leans over and grabs a condom and some lube. I take his shirt off and then I take my pants off. He puts some lube in my hand and I rub it on his dick. Going either slow or fast while I rub the lube on. He then puts the condom on and flips me over. I start to put myself on my stomach but he flips me over on my back and then he’s inside me.

Oh. My. God. It was the best feeling in the world. He had to go slow a little at first, as I’ve said before, he is a well endowed man. But once he starts going he changes between me having my legs wrapped around him to putting my legs over his shoulders. It hurts a little when he has them over his shoulders because he’s really deep inside me. He kisses me then leans into my neck and tells me how good I feel and how tight I am. I remind him that he’s huge but feels amazing. Then he lifts my hips and leans back so I’m on top. I ride him for a long time, and one thing I really like is he’s good at still having some control even when he’s on the bottom. He will grab my hips and change my pace or direction. Or he’d make me get still while he moved underneath me. I turn sideways and he fucks me hard like that. He then turns me around to reverse cowgirl but I lean back on his chest some while he holds my hips. I can’t even count the orgasms at this point. Eventually he turns me around again. I tell him I want him behind me. He doesn’t even come out from inside me when he’s turning me around. He then starts to really fuck me. He’s pulling my hair and starts to really slap my ass. I start to get really loud at this point, which is typical of me. I tell him I want him to come for me and he moans. He continues to fuck me then asks if I’m ready for him to come or if I want more. I tell him I need him to come. He then fucks me hard, slips out from inside me, whips the condom off and comes on my back. He did ask if he could, by the way, he has done that before.

Once he cleans me off I roll to my side, I literally couldn’t move because this had taken an hour at the very least and I am not use to that at all. He goes to clean himself off and I put my pants and shirt back on. He makes a comment about “round one” and goes to the bathroom. I sit on the couch and check my phone. I had a text from the boyfriend telling me what bar he was at. I didn’t respond at that point.

He makes a joke that I didn’t really get to watch the movie but I tell him it’s not my fault he was distracting me. He laughs and puts his clothes back on.


The Russian and I then sit on the couch and start talking about, well, anything and everything. Work, friends, what we’ve been doing lately and then tv. It wasn’t weird or awkward after we had sex it felt pretty normal. We were talking about people going out to find somebody to just find somebody to bring home and he tells me he isn’t like that. I instantly roll my eyes and say “Yeah right” and laugh. He tells me he isn’t and doesn’t want me to think that.

We kiss more and just sit together while watching a funny movie. Eventually we realize what time it really is and both decide I need to go. He walks me to my car and tells me to be careful. We hug and then start to kiss again, it gets a little heated and he tells me I need to stop starting stuff. I told him he’s the tease which causes him to kiss me again. I get into my car and head back to the house.

He texts me once I’m almost there, he quotes a movie and I ask him about it because I couldn’t remember where it was from off the top of my head. I make fun of his “old age” and then that was it.


I haven’t heard from him yet today but since I know he’s actually busy with some serious work projects I’m not too worried about it. Plus, we all know how he acts after we’ve seen each other. I take it as a plus he actually texted me that night.

I’m not getting my hopes up about him again, I realize that he probably isn’t going to take any real intiative with me until I’ve finally moved out and I’m on my own again. I can’t say I blame him but at the same time he’s running the risk that while he’s busy doing that I could meet someone else. Most people have told him I won’t be single long…I don’t really believe that but it’s really whatever.

Is it weird I’m also happy to have finally had sex again? Not just sex but amazing, multiple orgasms sex? It probably sounds super slutty but it’s true. Now if I could stop picturing it in my head and getting me all excited.

Until next time fair readers…..


If you have any thoughts or advice please feel free to share them with me. I would definitely appreciate it!