Going Forward in Many Ways Pt. 1

The past two weekends were actually a very good one if I do say so myself. Which was a surprise to me considering how my Russian was acting a few weeks back. Two Fridays ago during the day the Russian asked me what I wanted to do that night. I took it as maybe he wanted to do something different so I suggested a date night. Well he was accepting but then with certain time limitations we decided a date night would have to wait but we could just cook at my place and hang out. I had just finished getting myself put together when he got to my house. He then informed me we had been invited to Fred’s house to drink and just hang out. I had to change since my inside clothes would not have allowed me to survive in the coldness outside.

We picked up our own drinks and headed to Fred’s house. We were there for just a few hours, we had already agreed to just stay for a little while. Neither one of us wanted to run the risk of drinking too much and driving even though I had already been nominated for DD if we stayed late. When we left we picked up some food and went back to my house. That night we drank, watched movies and just had a pretty fun time together. He was talkative about different things and as it got later we both decided it was time for bed. He’s starting to cuddle with me more at night now which is really nice. That night he actually cuddled me and stayed more on my side than his. He was pretty playful with me before bed. Before I took my pants off he proceeded to smack my ass and then he took his belt off. He playfully spanked me with it and I responded with, “Don’t tease a girl with a good time.” Well he really started to spank me with it, then after I had taken my jeans off he actually spanked me with it. Uh, ouch but hot.

The next morning he woke up very early and then woke me up by placing my hand on his dick. Needless to say he got a BJ and then we went back to sleep. At some point he switched ends of the bed but was still lying next to me, I woke up and start scratching his legs and feet to fall back asleep. Well, he was still completely naked under the covers and he let me know it. I started giving him another BJ and then he asked me to get us a condom. We had sex, of course I was on top again, but he was more involved and attentive. I managed to actually have a few orgasms before he came. Afterwards we both showered and got dressed. I was expecting him to leave since he had his guys’ night later. Surprisingly he wanted to stay. So I made us lunch and he stayed till almost 7 p.m., we watched Hulu the entire time and cuddled on the couch. We didn’t even do anything sexual, just laid on the couch holding each other and talking.

The next day was the BBQ and so I got up Sunday morning to start making brownies. I was a little nervous I guess that the Russian would cancel on me, especially the last time he drank with this friend he had a very long hangover. But surprisingly he texted me to make sure I was up and then he came over. We got everything together and went to the BBQ. It actually was really fun, the man my Russian is friends with is actually a genuinely really nice guy. He made me feel really welcomed and was a great host. His family that was there were all nice and we had a pretty fun afternoon. We left after a few hours and went to the Russians. I helped him rearrange his furniture, clean and other things. I had offered earlier in the week to upload my Hulu account on his Xbox if he wanted me to (he already has my Netflix) so he asked if I would do that while I was there. I did and we started a new show he’s been addicted to that I really like too. He fixed us some ice cream and we just vegged out for a few hours. We fooled around for a little bit, I honestly wasn’t in the mood to give him a BJ because I was just tired from moving things. I ended up giving one but I wouldn’t fully deep throat him like he loves. Well, I actually wanted him to beg for it because I was just feeling sassy.

He ended up literally begging for it and he knew that’s what I wanted. Afterwards we laid on the couch for a while and then I headed home. I actually brought up the lack of foreplay on my part during one of our hangouts this week. It benefited me later on actually, which was really nice.

Tuesday he came over and we actually cooked together for the first time. We talked the entire time and it was funny watching him cook since he has openly admitted to never cooking before. It was a good meal and afterwards he did the dishes while I picked up the kitchen. I was so surprised he actually offered to hand wash the dishes. When my ex and I cooked he would never help with the dishes. He’d halfway help me cook and then dump everything in the sink for me. Another great reason I’m glad I left that man-child.

We started watching our show again after eating and I guess the Russian thought something was wrong with me. I was just being quiet and to myself which I’m sure threw him off. He kept asking what was wrong and why I was quiet and not fidgeting with him. I tend to fidget with my hand a lot so I’m always either scratching him or massaging him to not pick on my hair or hands. So he basically put himself all over me so I would fidget with him and he was doing some pretty cute things to get me to fidget. He’d lean back against me and rub his face against mine like and cat then say, “Are you gonna make me beg just for you to fidget?!” I gave in and he seemed relieved. We actually had a rare singing night. Somehow we just started listening to music and he began to sing for me. I don’t really think I have a good voice, I can harmonize really well but it’s just not my thing. Well he was really getting into it but also trying to teach me to sing higher and louder. Surprisingly, he liked me voice and thought it was really good. After a few hours of this we finally went to bed.

After joking around with each other in my bathroom, meaning he peed while I was in there and then wouldn’t leave until I went to the bathroom. Which was weird for me because I’m just an oddball. He slept on my side of the bed that night and we cuddled together the entire night. The next morning I tried to get up for work but he pulled me down to him and held me for a while longer. Then things got frisky, and in the end he got an extremely long blow job. That day was my weekly girls’ night so we did talk during the day and then that night we stopped. I figured it was because of that, he did send me a funny video on FaceBook later that night.

The next day he asked how the night went and all that. He did actually manage to ask me early in the day if I wanted dinner with him. We had a nice meal and then watched a movie at my house. We’re actually starting to watch some old gangster movies, since he hasn’t ever really watched them and bought this giant collection. During the movie he actually was extremely affectionate with me and we didn’t even drink that night. At some point he rearranged himself and pushed me to sit up so he could massage my back. After he did that for a while he leaned me back against him and just held me like that for a long time. Then eventually he was lying across my lap so I could rub his back for him. He’d keep asking for me to kiss on him or just to touch him. It was definitely odd for me to have him act this way. He also asked how we would be able to watch our favorite show when it comes back on, Game of Thrones, then suggested one of us get HBO again and we just split the cost. I was a little surprised just because this is somewhat of future planning but I agreed to it. He had decided to leave after the movie had ended but it was still fairly early. I was a little annoyed and disappointed with him, but it made sense and I got over it later. He did actually remember to let me know he was home but he knew I was annoyed so we didn’t talk any further.

Onto this past weekend….

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Why Can’t I…You Know. Part Two

tumblr_n32298nlyv1rkbqbko1_500The next day after everyone left he asked me to come over to help him move the rest of his things. After we finished we went to his mom’s house to visit and eat with her. I know they have had a hard relationship in the past and she isn’t perfect but I do like his mom. He also was affectionate to me in front of her. During dinner we joked around and he was winking at me during stuff. We all sat on couches to relax a little before leaving and he had been sitting on the arm rest of the couch I was on. He slid down next to me and put my legs over his lap for us to sit like that together.

We eventually left and went back to his place for the last night. He’s going to be moving in with his mom for a while (long story but it’s understandable) so this was his last night there. The rest of the night we drank and watched movies. I gave him one BJ after the first movie had ended and we were starting the second. I was still slightly on my period so he was aware. During the second movie his phone went off at around midnight. He thought at first it was mine ringing and he actually reached forward to grab and check it. It took me back a little bit but I didn’t say anything. His phone was on the other side of the room so he walked over, checked it and told me it was a guy friend of his. He told me why he thought he was calling but it wasn’t 100% believable to me but I didn’t say anything else about it.

Well he resumed laying down with me on his couch and tried to start touching me. I wasn’t able to reach an orgasm…again and so I told him this. He stopped after a little while and noticed I was a little off. He asked what was wrong and I told him I was just frustrated I couldn’t have an orgasm. He immediately asked if it was because I wasn’t attracted to him anymore. I told him that definitely wasn’t why I just was having an issue and it bothered me. Well, he stood up and I laid back down to close my eyes for a little bit. He came back with his phone and made me look to see the guy who called was who he said it was. I told him while I appreciated that it wasn’t the reason. He said, “Well you’re probably just worried about making a mess and can’t relax.” So he laid on his back and grabbed me to put my laying on my back while in top of him. He immediately started going to town on my clit and rubbing more all over. Whatever he did that time started to work because I was able to have a few orgasms and actually had to tell him to stop because the pressure and feeling I was experiencing was getting to be too much. So he stopped and then laid down again. He was very aroused at this point so I gave him another BJ while the movie was still going. I was able to do something he had requested a few times and that basically drove him insane. Meaning going all the way down and then back up again, multiple times in a row. Afterwards it was time to either leave or go to sleep. Considering I was slightly intoxicated he suggested I just sleep there and he’d be sure I got up for work.

I finally convinced him to cuddle with me a little before going to sleep. I told him just to hold me and when he was ready to try and sleep nudge me a little so I can roll away. HE FINALLY DID THAT. After a few minutes he said “Alright little girl, good night and sweet dreams” then actually kissed me goodnight.

He woke me up the next morning and off to work I went. That afternoon we talked after my first day and all that. He had dinner with an older guy he use to work with but actually called me on the phone afterwards. We talked for about 30 minutes about how his dinner was and all that. He actually mentioned that his friend wants to meet me and invited us over for a BBQ this Sunday. I was really surprised but told him I would be up for it. We got off the phone when he was at his mom’s but we talked for a few minutes before he went in. He texted me for a while after we got off the phone.

The next day we basically talked the entire day. I initiated the conversation, which was first, but it went good. He asked to see me when I got off work, to help him finish up some things at his old place. We did some stuff for a little while but then decided to just relax and watch some Netflix. We ended up just doing shots of vodka for some reason. We’ve been doing one or two when we drink, on the weekends, to kind of help the process. Well somehow things got frisky and fast. I mention I’m starting to get really drunk, like, can’t feel my face or other limbs drunk. He starts to undo my jeans and make his way down my pants. He tells me to take my bra off while he does that. Then he pulls me into his lap and completely removes my jeans and panties.

He leads me to his bed and throws me down on it. He walks away to get a condom then comes back to the bed. We immediately start to make out and I remove his pants. I start to give him a BJ and deep throat him as he asks me to. He then puts his condom on and while I’m on top he slides into me. I’m going to stop there and just be honest with my readers. During the first round of sex I was not able to have an orgasm, didn’t even get that close to it. After he came he held me for a while then made a comment about me dripping on him. I then rolled off of him and to my side, he was like I ruined it didn’t i? And I just shrugged and said I was sorry, I was still turned on and couldn’t help it. Then he reached for me and started to finger me. I told him I wanted to have my orgasm while he was inside me so he asked if I wanted him to go rinse of and get a new condom. I told him yes and that’s what he did. Now, again when he came back I gave him a BJ for him to get hard and then I got back on top. Notice a pattern?

This girl is tired of being on top every. single. time. Well, sadly I was so close to orgasming during the second time but I went down while he went up and hurt his member a little bit. So we had to stop sex. He started to finger me more and it got intense with some dirty talk. I also was basically playing a little game with him. Resisting him and then telling him I couldn’t come but wanting him to keep going. He got frustrated I guess because I was holding his arm and he was using his other to hold me down so he stopped.

So he showered again and then came back. I had already gotten dressed again and was beyond frustrated to be totally honest. We spent a little more time together and then I helped him load his truck up before we left. I told him I was sorry for messing up the night and his response was, “Don’t worry about it. Those things happen.” Well we kissed goodbye and I left. I immediately called my best friend to discuss what happened and if I was overreacting.

I had decided not to text him when I got home. He knew we had done those shots and I was driving home inebriated so if he wanted to check on me he could on his own. I wasn’t expecting him to text honestly but he did. We talked for about an hour then both went to sleep.

I have a confession to make. A main reason for my orgasms is an emotional connection with the man I’m seeing. I need to know I have feelings for him and he does too. I’ve just always been that way. So after the conversation he had with me a month ago about not having deep feelings for me and not knowing why I think is a main factor for me. I’m sure it gets to him because I’m going from him giving me a minimum of 5 orgasms to over 15 once to now struggling for just one.

Plus, I’m so tired of always being on top. I am giving him BJs that last a while and being on top. To me it’s like is he just comfortable and knows I’m great at being on top. But sometimes a girl just wants to lay there and be fucked. Plus I love feeling the weight of a man on top of me. Eh, I’m not sure what to do besides ask him to freshen up his moves in other positions.

I just miss the days of multiple orgasms is that terrible of me? Feel free to share your thoughts, opinions or even experience with something like this.

Why Can’t I….You Know. Part One.

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I feel like discussing more on this feeling I have of being scared of being in love. Things haven’t taken a turn for the worst or anything dear readers, if anything, over this weekend things progressed and have gotten better. Well, except for my lack of reaching orgasms.

I started a new job yesterday and while I’m happy and excited for it, I’m still unsure of things. I have a house note I must pay so I need to work, just the work I’ll be doing is kind of stressful because if I don’t produce then I won’t be getting paid that well. Oh the joys of having the degree I have in this city.

Back to the Russian! He keeps on surprising me over these last few weeks. We had some very intense and serious talks last week in regards to his health and his worries with life. I really appreciate when he’s more open with my about these things, it helps me feel more stable with the relationship.

Last week we spent a fair amount of time together. His other Valentine’s gift came in on Tuesday and I happened to be off that day. So he came over to my house to watch it with me. He brought over a ton of food so we actually wouldn’t have to leave the house for dinner that night as well. It was a fun night together. We ate, talked, drank and cuddled together the entire afternoon and night. Also, apparently I had a little too much attitude that day because he literally spanked the hell out of me a few times. One of my ass cheeks is still a little bruised. I’m not complaining since I basically asked for it. He spent the night with me that night. We fell asleep on my couch but at around 2 am he woke me up and brought me to bed. We slept together and he got a morning surprise that was so good he was texting me on my way to work about it.

We talked a lot off and on that day. He had a family thing he tried to plan that night that completely fell through so we just talked that night. Thursday he asked me over for lunch and also for, well, a BJ. I took a long lunch that day and we spent some time together beforehand, then during I’d say it lasted at least 45 minutes. I’m definitely getting better at deep throating him and it’s driving him nuts. The only time my gag reflex even shows up is when I’ve gone all the way down, go back to the top and try to go back down again. Sometimes I can do it successfully with no issue and other times I have issues with it. After about the third time it causes me to gag. Of course, he enjoys when I do gag since it reminds him of his size.

The Russian actually got me my very own king size bed for my house. I have been really wanting one but haven’t gone through with it, well the opportunity came up and he gave me one. Thursday after work I met him and we loaded it up to bring over to my house. He was a little down on himself when I got there to help because his back was really bothering him. After we talked a little bit he seemed to be in a better, more playful mood. We got the bed unloaded and set up at my house. He helped me move my old bed into one of my spare rooms too which was nice. After all those chores he fixed us a drink and we finally sat on my couch to relax and watch the last of the Harry Potter movies. We actually didn’t do much that night out of the ordinary. At about midnight I asked him if we could go to bed and so he basically carried me to bed. Now that I have such a large bed he can’t complain about sleepovers anymore!

Over the weekend he actually had a “guy’s weekend” with some local friends since a few of his best friends would be coming from out of town. Since Friday was my last day of work and I was a little upset about a few things he asked if I’d come over after I left to help him do some things at his place. I left on my last day fairly early so I went over to his place, we went and had a late lunch then ran a few errands in order to get things he needed. We probably spent five or more hour just organizing, packing, cleaning and moving things at his place. A surprise BJ did happen at one point but that isn’t a shocker.

We weren’t really keeping track of time because then one of his guy friends showed up and it surprised us. I gathered my stuff to leave but the Russian told me I could stay and visit. Well a second guy showed up and I hung out with them for another hour or so. They already knew things about me which I take as a good thing. It shows the Russian has been talking about me. I went ahead and got food the Russian and I since we hadn’t eaten yet. I ate with them and then shortly after that I told him I needed to go. I hadn’t been home all day and my poor dog was lonely. Plus, I wanted to shower and get out of my work clothes. This was close to 10 p.m. and guy night was basically starting. He walked me to my vehicle, kissed and hugged me goodbye and thanked me for all my help that day.

That night he sent me a little text about something I forgot and we joked a little but then I passed out. The next day I woke up a little late but then I got surprised. He asked me what I was doing that afternoon:

Him: “We’re gonna eat at 1 at Dave’s then go to the exhibit show if you feel like going”

(My city had a weekend show/exhibit)

Me: “Sure, do you want me to meet you at Dave’s or at the exhibit?”

Him: “Whichever you feel like. I know Dave’s is short notice. But _____’s wife is going btw”

Me: “Okay, I can probably make Dave’s”

Him: “Okay cool, the one in _____.”

Me: “That’s what I thought.”

So I basically rushed myself into finishing getting ready and then driving over to that area for lunch. Plus, this was my moment to meet his actual best friend. Lunch was fun, Dave’s is a fairly laid back place. We took our time eating and just talking for at least an hour or so. After, the other guy’s wife left and we all rode in one vehicle to the exhibit. That was a lot of fun. We ran into some of his family there and chatted with them for a bit. Going in and out of different exhibits was when we had the most fun. His friends and I joked the whole time together and the Russian was loving it. He got a little “handsy” a few times but I didn’t mind.

Afterwards they brought me back to my vehicle and the Russian kissed me goodbye. His friends told me bye and that it was nice meeting me. That night I didn’t plan on hearing from him, it was a man weekend after all, but he did surprise me.

Him: “Had fun?”

Me: “I really did, thank you for inviting me 🙂 did you have fun?”

Him: “Yep it was a good time”

Him: “I wanted to throw you in a bathroom (sly emoji face)”

Me: “Oh really?”

Him: “One of those would be fun to have”

Me: “Oh they definitely would be. Everyone would know what was going on if you threw me in a bathroom btw…it did cross my mind a few times though”

Him: “Yeah it would be obvious”

Him: “Could get a few strokes in if you had on short shorts or a dress”

Me: “Very true, if I had those on we’d have really been in trouble”

The conversation went a little further but you get the gist. He texted me off and on much later that night. Quoting movies to me and wanting to know what I did that night.

To be continued….

Well, That Was Awkward

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Monthly visitor be damned, I finally got my orgasms.

After our get together the other night I was unsure if I would see him again this week. Mainly because we are both busy and I was still on my period.

I had a meeting that ran a little late last night so by the time I got home I was a little tired and looking forward to showering and curling up in bed with a glass of wine. But after I showered I saw my Russian had sent me a text. We were talking back and forth like this:

Him: “Whatcha doing?”

Me: “Just got out of the shower, you?”

Him: “Just got a massage. Talking with my buddy right now.”

Me: “Well that must be nice!”

Him: “Feel like watching one of those movies tonight?”

(He recently bought a few new movies)

Me: “Hmmm I would say so”

Him: “Put on some jeans and get over here”

Me: “Lol I’ll get dressed now. And jeans? It’s hot!”

(I always forget he likes me in jeans)

Him: “Not in my house”

Me: “Fine, but only because you asked :)”

 

Well I finished getting dressed and made my way over to his house. I’m not sure where my ex was but I really just wanted to see the Russian. I get there and see him standing there in just jeans and no shirt on brushing his teeth. Holy shit, I almost jumped him right there. He puts a shirt on (to my disappointment) and makes us drinks. I look through the movies he bought and picked one out for us to watch.

As he’s fixing us drinks he mentions to me that the guy he was visiting with runs a local business that I go to fairly regularly for lunch and he tried to suggest setting my Russian up with me. The Russian said, “Yeah he told me about you and asked if I knew you. He said you’re really pretty, seem super sweet and have a great job. And that he didn’t see a ring on your finger. So he was trying to think who he could set you up with and then he realized we worked together so he thought of me.” He jokingly said he told him hell no, and then told me, “I gave him shit at first because I’m single and one of his best friends but I wasn’t his first thought to set up with you. Then I told him you were the one I had been spending time with. He couldn’t believe you were the one I had been talking about.”

Well, there’s another person who knows about us now. To what extent, I’m not sure but the Russian is becoming more comfortable with telling people about us it seems. I also tell him about what happened to my lip and that I’ve never had that happen before. It finally went away but I made him laugh when I said, “How would I even explain that if someone noticed? Oh yeah, I just was sucking some serious dick and he bruised my lip??!” He literally almost fell over laughing. He said that’s one thing he can scratch off his bucket list. I smacked him for that.

Once he makes us drinks we start the movie, it was decent but we talked a lot throughout it. We also really played with each other a lot. I think I’m becoming more comfortable with him again so it allows me to be silly and joke with him more. I also opened up about some of my own personal weird tendencies and he seemed okay with it. He actually told me stuff about himself so it made me feel better about my own weirdness. We really just had fun with each other during this movie, talking and joking with each other. He would be a smart ass with me and then he would be sweet on me. Which is something I really like and I do that too.

Once the movie officially ended we just turned the TV to regular satellite and put it on a random channel. At some point he asks me if I have a problem with his bathroom. Now, I just have an issue with using the bathroom at a guy’s house in general. I don’t really feel comfortable with it, plus I can normally hold it for a long time if necessary. Well he goes on to tell me he wishes I would be comfortable enough to use his bathroom and he always makes sure it’s clean when I come over. And I will say he has an immaculately clean bathroom so that always impresses me.

After we talk for a little bit more I start to kiss on him and rub his dick. I love when he dirty talks too, it is super sexy. After we do this for a little while he asks if I will put him to bed. I laugh and tell him yes.

We walk to his bed and he lays down with me on top of him. We start to kiss deeply and I continue to rub his dick. Doing so immensely turned me on. At one point I just say “Fuck” out loud and he asks me what’s wrong. I tell him that I just want him so bad, he asks if it’s still a bad time and I say yes. He reminds me that he doesn’t care about that and we can just use a towel. Now, I’m still not comfortable with that and I tell him I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to relax enough. Well after some coaxing on his part I grab a condom from his drawer, lean back and go to the bathroom.

When I come back he tells me to grab a towel and he puts it underneath him. I pull his pants off and start to suck on his dick. He then start to undo my pants and slides them off of me. I reach for the lube he keeps and he pours some in my hand. I rub it onto his cock and then he opens the condom packet and slides it onto himself. I position myself on top of him and slowly slide him inside me. It has felt like weeks since we’ve had sex so I had to take it slow at first, but we fell into a rhythm rather quickly. He made me cum several times and managed to take control a few times while I was on top. He still holds onto my throat and pulls my hair when I’m on top which drives me crazy.

Probably my proudest moment was the fact that I did make him come while I was not only on top but also that it didn’t take me a long time to do so. It probably had to do with the fact I made him come a day and a half ago. I pulled out my best girl on top move and I guess he couldn’t resist it. I try not to bring that one out because I know it will cause a guy to come fairly quickly. He came inside me, with a condom on mind you, and I rode him the entire time. Afterwards, I almost passed out with him inside me. He pulled me to one side of him and laid me on his chest. We passed out like that and I loved it. He normally gets up right afterwards and doesn’t do the post-sex cuddle. He has lately though.

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After a few hours I start to try to see what time it is and he does his usual squeeze me tighter and not let me move thing. So I just lay there with him for a little while. I can’t wait till we can really spend the night with each other and not worry about time.

Eventually he gets up to go to the bathroom and start to get dressed. He’s just in his t-shirt and nothing else which is super sexy. We kiss and hug goodbye then I leave.

Now this part is somewhat embarrassing and if you can relate, let me know so I can feel better.

As I’m driving back I get a text:

Him: “Where did the condom go? I got up and tossed it?”

Me: “Yeah you did…or I thought so??”

Him: “Shit…I remember cumming but not tossing. Apparently I did lol”

Me: “You can’t find it? Lol I thought you did toss it at some point”

Oh but he didn’t. I get to my house and realize why I was feeling weird. Yes, that’s right, the condom was still inside of me. That has never happened before so I was slightly freaked out and didn’t know if I should tell him. I didn’t really want to but decided it would be best.

Me: “Ummm I found it.”

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I sent that and passed out. Then bright and early this morning he sent me a text back.

Him: “No way. That crossed my mind”

Me: “Yeah well that had never happened before but it crossed my mind so I thought I’d check”

Him: “Kinda defeated the purpose! Unless the end was out”

Me: “Lol! I just was not expecting that at all”

Him: “I’m guessing that means it wasn’t….”

Me: “No it was!”

Him: “Oh lol that’s a plus”

Him: “So you were just carrying around a little baggy of…good thing you didn’t get a full cavity search!”

Me: “Why would I get a full cavity search?! And yep, I knew I felt…kinda weird but I just thought well it had just been a little while lol but that’s what that feeling was apparently”

Him: “You would get one if I pulled you over. Wow lol.

Me: “Hmmm that would be fun lol”

Him: “Perve ;)”

Me: “You know you like it ;)”

Him: “Yes I do”

Me: “:)”

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I will say that made me feel a lot better that he wasn’t acting weird or grossed out by it. But still!! I did not know what to do or think about that. But I guess it’s all progress. He’s more open with me now and I really appreciate it. Let’s just see how it all goes this weekend.

What about you? Ever have a condom left behind inside you or someone else? Was it awkward explaining it? Or even finding it?! I’m up to hearing your embarrassing stories as well!

Just Be Sweet

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Spending time with him just makes me happy. The way we play and joke with each other is so natural, it just doesn’t seem real to me. It’s so strange for these feelings to happen to me. I literally look forward to just spending time with him, even if it is just eating at his house and watching movies.

Last night was so much fun for me and it is starting to get harder and harder to stay away from him. I’ve learned ways he likes to be touched and kissed. It’s odd for me knowing I can do small things to him that causes him to catch his breath. We ate, watched a some episodes of his favorite show and cuddled during the time we were together. He played with my hair and hands like he always does. A few times he kissed the top of my head and would hold me closer to him.

It’s strange to me when he compliments me too. I just don’t know how to take them sometimes, I guess I just don’t feel that way about myself. But he can be so affectionate and funny with me I almost want to believe him.

Of course at one point he mentioned that my bra must be really uncomfortable and that he was implementing a “no bra” policy for me at his house. I laughed it off and said whatever. Eventually we were kissing and one thing led to another and he pulled me into his lap. He starts to massage my back, shoulders and neck until he slowly makes his way to my breasts and he starts massaging them. He then, very seductively I will say, slowly removed my bra and then said, “That’s much better.” Then he of course starting rubbing on me and made his way down to my clit. He continues to maneuver his hands until I have my first of several orgasms that night.

I’ve learned over the past few months with him that he has some dominate tendencies in him that are extreme turn-ons for me. I’m always the one men choose to treat like a delicate flower and I get tired of that. But with him he has no problem taking a handful of my hair and pulling it if I smart off to him or grabbing my face and putting it on his shoulder or make me kiss on his face. He asked me last night if I was okay with him doing that and I told him I liked it. Oh and the skills he has for smacking my ass are amazing, he does it in such a way that while it stings for a second it still feels good.

Of course I did ensure he came a few times too. Twice actually. There is something about him and his dick that I can’t get enough of, and even though I have always enjoyed BJs, with him it’s like I just want to do that all night. I was tempted to do it a third time but there wasn’t enough time. I have to actually work on my gag reflex though because I have never actually had one but he has such a large member that I actually gagged for the first time.

I will say, I told him a while back that I love when he will ask me to suck his dick. The way he says it makes it even sexier to me and I like knowing he wants it that much. Well, last night he told me he wanted me to ask him. And it was the sexiest thing, when I asked him, “Please, may I suck your cock sir?” his eyes rolled back and I felt his dick pulse. It was amazing. During the second round for him I positioned myself in a few different ways as to try and better deep throat him. Which it drives him crazy when I do that and it leads him to getting more forceful with me. He’s always pulling my hair back and holding it for me while I’m…servicing him.

After the second time I was laying next to him and I said something along the lines of I’m glad you enjoyed yourself. He then tells me that me doing that is his favorite thing…ever. I tell him he doesn’t have to lie to me, but he grabs my face and tells me I need to just believe him. Then he kisses me. I swear, I could easily have an orgasm just from kissing him.

I always feel like I talk about the sexual side of things with us and I’m sure that’s true, but the conversations we have are always amazing. And then when we are lying together and he just touches me with these sweet caresses and will kiss my hair or squeeze me a little tighter. These moments really make me think he actually cares for me. But I really think he’s afraid to admit that to both himself and me, because once feelings are legitimately involved I think that’s when things get more confusing.

He already shows some signs of jealousy in certain aspects, and I do the same thing. I never admit or reveal mine but I know they are there. We haven’t talked today but I expected that, I’m sure I will hear from him soon. I don’t know why he doesn’t seem to grasp that I don’t like to just message him first but oh well.

Is it bad that I already am longing to kiss him? Or even just be next to him? It’s like an ache I feel sometimes, maybe it’s just because we had just seen each other and that emotion is still there.

God, I have to get things figured out and fast.