Thoughts: Break Ups, Bad Job and Dating?

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Every day sometimes feels like such a struggle for me. I’m three days away from exactly one month of not seeing the Russian, four days since I sent the letter. While I am focusing on bettering myself in different ways and trying to stay busy, I have moments that I let creep in and then I think of him. His voice, his touch, all the time spent with him and I get sad. How long until that goes away? I always have dreams that he pops into, almost every single night. I just want peace. And a part of me wants him to reach out to me. It’s been almost three weeks since we last spoke. I know I need to get over him and it, but it’s so hard. I do continue to workout five to six times a week, spend time with my pup and keep somewhat busy. But I have no fulfillment in anything.

I do not like my current job and am actively looking for a new one. Maybe if I actually liked my job it would be different and I’d be excited for each day. But when you get hired being told one thing and then everything is changed, you can’t stand your coworkers and even fake sick just so you don’t have to go in cannot be good signs. I want a job like I had when I was with the Russian, it had its moments but I loved that job. I was around so many people and made great friends. I miss the corporate world. This small business shit with less than 15 coworkers isn’t for me. Especially when I’m the youngest one here. And I also have no privacy or drive here, the work is way too slow and not challenging enough. But I needed to start having some money flowing in. Which is why I’m here but looking elsewhere.

I know I’m in a funk and I know I am also majorly sexually frustrated. I know I’m not ready to date but when I am, what are the best ways to date in a new city? Dating apps? Going for drinks? Do I go alone or with friends? I need some help.

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This Adult Thing, Not Fun.

This is something that is pretty unrelated to the Russian. And more about me venting about some current life situations. Mainly, my job.

I had a job, when I first started this blog (same job I met the Russian at) and I LOVED IT. I love working in environments where I can meet a lot of people, make friends, do thought provoking work and make money. Do to the economy and the field of work I was in the position I held was cut due to budgetary issues. I literally jumped from job to job that summer trying to find something that actually paid my bills (house note, credit cards and slight shopping addiction) while keeping my attention.

The two jobs I had did none of those. I never think of myself as high and mighty or above others, but those jobs felt so beneath me I never wanted to talk about what I did with anyone. Hell, I never even changed my job on Facebook. My current job, I’m proud to have (the pay could be a lot better) and don’t mind discussing it with other people. However, it is a male dominated field and the men (except for one) are not good guys. Very chauvinistic, controlling, micromanagers and well, mean.

I’m already getting the urge to find another job. I’ve been here for about six months and it just isn’t doing it for me anymore. I’m still in my mid-twenties and I feel like life is too short to stay in one job I’m not enjoying. Many of the girls I work with I just adore. They crack me up and we have become friends. I’d hate to lose that but if I get screamed at because a boss couldn’t find something of his (I’m not his assistant, personal secretary or wife) I will lose my mind. I get fussed at enough by the man I’m dating.

I plan to update my resume and start slowly putting it out there just to see what I find. Is that horrible of me? I just know what it’s like to work in a great environment where I can learn things so I don’t want to settle. Also, the idea of keeping the same job I don’t thoroughly enjoy for the next 20 years terrifies me.