Going Forward in Many Ways Pt. 1

The past two weekends were actually a very good one if I do say so myself. Which was a surprise to me considering how my Russian was acting a few weeks back. Two Fridays ago during the day the Russian asked me what I wanted to do that night. I took it as maybe he wanted to do something different so I suggested a date night. Well he was accepting but then with certain time limitations we decided a date night would have to wait but we could just cook at my place and hang out. I had just finished getting myself put together when he got to my house. He then informed me we had been invited to Fred’s house to drink and just hang out. I had to change since my inside clothes would not have allowed me to survive in the coldness outside.

We picked up our own drinks and headed to Fred’s house. We were there for just a few hours, we had already agreed to just stay for a little while. Neither one of us wanted to run the risk of drinking too much and driving even though I had already been nominated for DD if we stayed late. When we left we picked up some food and went back to my house. That night we drank, watched movies and just had a pretty fun time together. He was talkative about different things and as it got later we both decided it was time for bed. He’s starting to cuddle with me more at night now which is really nice. That night he actually cuddled me and stayed more on my side than his. He was pretty playful with me before bed. Before I took my pants off he proceeded to smack my ass and then he took his belt off. He playfully spanked me with it and I responded with, “Don’t tease a girl with a good time.” Well he really started to spank me with it, then after I had taken my jeans off he actually spanked me with it. Uh, ouch but hot.

The next morning he woke up very early and then woke me up by placing my hand on his dick. Needless to say he got a BJ and then we went back to sleep. At some point he switched ends of the bed but was still lying next to me, I woke up and start scratching his legs and feet to fall back asleep. Well, he was still completely naked under the covers and he let me know it. I started giving him another BJ and then he asked me to get us a condom. We had sex, of course I was on top again, but he was more involved and attentive. I managed to actually have a few orgasms before he came. Afterwards we both showered and got dressed. I was expecting him to leave since he had his guys’ night later. Surprisingly he wanted to stay. So I made us lunch and he stayed till almost 7 p.m., we watched Hulu the entire time and cuddled on the couch. We didn’t even do anything sexual, just laid on the couch holding each other and talking.

The next day was the BBQ and so I got up Sunday morning to start making brownies. I was a little nervous I guess that the Russian would cancel on me, especially the last time he drank with this friend he had a very long hangover. But surprisingly he texted me to make sure I was up and then he came over. We got everything together and went to the BBQ. It actually was really fun, the man my Russian is friends with is actually a genuinely really nice guy. He made me feel really welcomed and was a great host. His family that was there were all nice and we had a pretty fun afternoon. We left after a few hours and went to the Russians. I helped him rearrange his furniture, clean and other things. I had offered earlier in the week to upload my Hulu account on his Xbox if he wanted me to (he already has my Netflix) so he asked if I would do that while I was there. I did and we started a new show he’s been addicted to that I really like too. He fixed us some ice cream and we just vegged out for a few hours. We fooled around for a little bit, I honestly wasn’t in the mood to give him a BJ because I was just tired from moving things. I ended up giving one but I wouldn’t fully deep throat him like he loves. Well, I actually wanted him to beg for it because I was just feeling sassy.

He ended up literally begging for it and he knew that’s what I wanted. Afterwards we laid on the couch for a while and then I headed home. I actually brought up the lack of foreplay on my part during one of our hangouts this week. It benefited me later on actually, which was really nice.

Tuesday he came over and we actually cooked together for the first time. We talked the entire time and it was funny watching him cook since he has openly admitted to never cooking before. It was a good meal and afterwards he did the dishes while I picked up the kitchen. I was so surprised he actually offered to hand wash the dishes. When my ex and I cooked he would never help with the dishes. He’d halfway help me cook and then dump everything in the sink for me. Another great reason I’m glad I left that man-child.

We started watching our show again after eating and I guess the Russian thought something was wrong with me. I was just being quiet and to myself which I’m sure threw him off. He kept asking what was wrong and why I was quiet and not fidgeting with him. I tend to fidget with my hand a lot so I’m always either scratching him or massaging him to not pick on my hair or hands. So he basically put himself all over me so I would fidget with him and he was doing some pretty cute things to get me to fidget. He’d lean back against me and rub his face against mine like and cat then say, “Are you gonna make me beg just for you to fidget?!” I gave in and he seemed relieved. We actually had a rare singing night. Somehow we just started listening to music and he began to sing for me. I don’t really think I have a good voice, I can harmonize really well but it’s just not my thing. Well he was really getting into it but also trying to teach me to sing higher and louder. Surprisingly, he liked me voice and thought it was really good. After a few hours of this we finally went to bed.

After joking around with each other in my bathroom, meaning he peed while I was in there and then wouldn’t leave until I went to the bathroom. Which was weird for me because I’m just an oddball. He slept on my side of the bed that night and we cuddled together the entire night. The next morning I tried to get up for work but he pulled me down to him and held me for a while longer. Then things got frisky, and in the end he got an extremely long blow job. That day was my weekly girls’ night so we did talk during the day and then that night we stopped. I figured it was because of that, he did send me a funny video on FaceBook later that night.

The next day he asked how the night went and all that. He did actually manage to ask me early in the day if I wanted dinner with him. We had a nice meal and then watched a movie at my house. We’re actually starting to watch some old gangster movies, since he hasn’t ever really watched them and bought this giant collection. During the movie he actually was extremely affectionate with me and we didn’t even drink that night. At some point he rearranged himself and pushed me to sit up so he could massage my back. After he did that for a while he leaned me back against him and just held me like that for a long time. Then eventually he was lying across my lap so I could rub his back for him. He’d keep asking for me to kiss on him or just to touch him. It was definitely odd for me to have him act this way. He also asked how we would be able to watch our favorite show when it comes back on, Game of Thrones, then suggested one of us get HBO again and we just split the cost. I was a little surprised just because this is somewhat of future planning but I agreed to it. He had decided to leave after the movie had ended but it was still fairly early. I was a little annoyed and disappointed with him, but it made sense and I got over it later. He did actually remember to let me know he was home but he knew I was annoyed so we didn’t talk any further.

Onto this past weekend….

Am I the Only One?


After my last post I had another night with the Russian. This one was different than the others for sure.

For the first time he asked to see me and I wasn’t able to go see him. He had been texting me some last Wednesday and I guess that should have been my hint he wanted to see me but I was just busy and didn’t notice. Then he sent me a texting asking about watching our show that night. This is how that conversation went:

Me: “Tonight?”

Him: “Yea, just got off sorry”

Me: “Lol it’s okay, I want to but it’s my gym night”

Him: “So come at 7:30”

Me: “I go at 7, pay attention!”

Him: “And go again…not all people do all 3 hours in one night lol”

Me: “I don’ do three hours I go MWF lol”

Me: “I might be able to tomorrow night”

Him: “Ok, loser”

Me: “Oh don’t sound so thrilled about it ass”

Him: “I’m not lol”

Me: “Oh so you’re not even the tiniest bit thrilled to see me? Thaaaaankkkksss ass lol”

Me: (Insert our glare emoji)

Him: “Not thrilled about waiting a day drama queen”

Me: “Yea yea, it’s just a day! I gotta stay in shape so you don’t trade me in lol

Him: “True true”

Me: “Keep on cruisin old man”


Then we had a normal conversation and he was asking about anything new about my house. Well the next day I was fairly busy so I didn’t text him till about 3:30 that afternoon asking if I should still plan on coming over. I didn’t hear back from him for about an hour so I figured he just didn’t want to see me so I went about my business at the house. Well I got a text from an email address that I realized was him and he was asking me about that night. I informed him I had texted earlier but it must not have gone through. So I told him I’d be there between 6:30 and 7. He asked if I would pick up food and I didn’t mind so I did.

When I got there he was on the phone and stayed on it for a little bit. It was obvious it was about work so I just started eating and waited for him to finish. When he got off the phone he was really upset and it was obvious. As we were eating he went on to tell me about some work issues he had been having and how they were making him feel. We talked about that for a good hour and a half, I could tell he needed to vent so I let him. Once he got it out and we talked about what he should do next he relaxed more and made us drinks. When we picked up the show where we left off we kind of talked about other random things and just played with each other.

About halfway through the first episode his phone rings and he goes into the other room to talk. Well this call lasted like 20 minutes and I was trying to not let it aggravate me, it did a little bit but I got over it. When he came back in the living room he apologized again and paused the movie to talk to me about the call. It was someone he works with that he really respects and looks up to who was giving him some advice. It was something I had suggested earlier and he said he was definitely going to do that now.

We both started watching the show again and he realized I needed another drink so he went to fix some. I was joking with him and giving him a hard time and he was joking right back. He kept telling me I didn’t to put my tough exterior away and just relax. I told him I wasn’t doing that, I honestly didn’t think I was but I think subconsciously I just do that. Well I started being sweeter to him and kissing on him more. Then I started to tickle him. I’m not sure if I ever posted this but the Russian is super ticklish and I use it to my advantage  a lot. Well eventually we got into a tickle fight and he had me pinned on the couch tickling me, I was pretty much yelling and laughing while he did it. He wouldn’t stop until I said “sorry” twice to him.


I finally relented and he pulled me up next to him. As I was leaned against him we started talking about each other’s bodies. He made a comment about not understanding why he just didn’t have a six pack already. I told him I thought he looks great and I can tell he’s been working on it. He then tells me he can notice a difference in me too, not that I needed it but that I’ve become more toned.

We talk a little bit about it and then, as usual, he starts touching my face and grabs my cheeks. I pull back, make a face and tell him to stop. He reaches out and grabs my face super quick and questions me about why I don’t like him touching my face.

“Did someone do this to you that you didn’t like or do you think you just not like your cheeks?” I tell him it’s just because I think I have big cheeks. Which is true, I have always thought my cheeks were just big. We start talking again and he makes a funny statement about my bra. He tells me to take my bra off, I tell him if he wants it off he can remove it. He takes a handful of my hair and pulls my face towards him, “You heard me, take your bra off. Don’t make me ask twice.” Well, I can feel my rebellious side come out and I get excited he might…chose to discipline me so I tell him again, if he wants it off he can take it off. He lets go of my hair and laughs that I don’t listen very well. He stands up to go to the bathroom and says, “It better be off when I get back in here.” So I listen that time and take it off, but I don’t say anything when he gets back.

When he’s back on the couch I kiss his cheeks that I normally do. I start by doing that real slow, spacing out the kisses by a few seconds and make my way to his lips as usual. He reaches up and puts his hands on both sides of my face and kisses me back. He eventually slide one hand down and grabs my breast. He leans back and says, “Oh, so you did take this off.” And he smiles at me, he continues to rub on my breasts and then he wants to know if he can ask me something. I nod my head and moan a little cause he hasn’t stopped touching me, “What size are you?” I tell him I’m a small C, and he says he was going to guess that or a bigger B. I make a remark about not having big breasts and he says, “Just  because someone has Ds doesn’t make them pretty. And yours are so pretty.”

I laugh and say thanks; he grabs my face again to continue kissing me. I eventually slide my hand down to touch him. I had bumped his member with my elbow when we were kissing and wanted to see if he was hard like I thought. And he sure was. So I give him a tug and moan while we kiss. He leans me forward and nudges my head down, this causes me to look at him and lift an eyebrow. He tells me just to give it a little bite; he was wearing basketball shorts so I do as he asks through his shorts. I lean myself back up and lean against him. He has his arms around me and I’m still groping his member. He tilts my head up and asks me a question I wasn’t expecting.

“Am I the only one?” I was surprised he asked me this, since he never really has before. And to be honest, since he and I had picked things up again since February he has been the only one. So I look at him and I say, “Yes, you’re the only one.” He grabs my face and tells me to be honest, I can tell he’s really studying my eyes so I hold them open and repeat what I said. I also add, “I’m not going to lie to you, there’s no point.” He kisses me and says, “I always believe you when you look at me like that with those big eyes.”


He reaches towards my pants to touch me and I kind of push his hand away. He looks at me and smiles, “Bad time this week?” I nod my head and yet he still reaches inside my pants. I smack his hand and ask if he didn’t understand what my nod meant. He tells me he just wants to feel the top and I tell him I’m not smoothly waxed anymore I’m in between. He tells me he doesn’t care, which freaks me out. I’m not crazy hairy but I don’t like having hair period, but as he touches he asks how long it has been and I tell him maybe four weeks. He tells me that it’s still pretty smooth for that long. Then he takes his hand away and tells me that I need to trust him more when he does that.

He sees some light reflect from my yoga pants and he grabs the top of them and I kind of push his hand away. He tells me he just wants to see my underwear. I laugh and say too bad because I didn’t have any on. He looks at me and asks that even on my period I don’t wear them. I tell him I just don’t wear panties with yoga pants. I make the remark that I’ve always been more comfortable with less clothing on. I tell him how I hate wearing pants and I prefer shorts, dresses or skirts. He tells me I’m just saying what he wants to hear. I informed him I haven’t told anyone that fact, but my mom knows because I’ve always been that way. He shakes his head and tells me I’m so sexy and I don’t even realize it. I roll my eyes and kiss him some more.

Things progress further and I ask if I could suck his dick. Needless to say, he gave me permission. 🙂

I hadn’t really given him a blowjob since his birthday (the night of four BJs) and I’ll admit I was pretty excited to do that again. Once he came for me he pulled me up to him and I told him he shouldn’t deprive me from doing them. He laughs and says he hasn’t but he just loves being inside me. I tell him I like that too but I love doing this. We finally get back to watching the show and talking. I was feeling pretty bold at this moment and I ask him about why he sent me a text over the weekend and never said anything back. He claims he was testing me. I say, “Russian (full name), I have told you that makes me feel weird. If you want to talk to me then talk to me!” He looks at me and says, “The same can be said for you, little girl.” I laugh and tell him alright but it still makes me feel weird to text him.

Eventually as the night gets later we decide I need to leave soon, now I’m not sure how this happened exactly but he pulls me across his lap and gives me three hard ass slaps. My god, can the man spank some ass. When he finishes doing that he tells me that’s a reminded to behave. I laugh a little and tell him, “Yes sir” while we stand up. We start kissing and he proceeds to touch me through my pants, I resist a little at first but then I relax and let an orgasm just happen. He then lifts me like that and bends me over the front of the couch, while he grabs onto my ass I reach between my legs and touch his dick. He moans when I slide it out of his shorts and rub him against my clit, through my yoga pants. Eventually I turn around and kneel down in front of him. I give him a second BJ, and this was the first one with all the lights in his house on. It was weird for me because I hadn’t seen his dick like that yet but it was also super exciting. After he came I stood up and he leaned his body against mine and said I was going to kill him with those. I remind him he needs to stop depriving me. This could have been the alcohol talking but as I was walking behind him I leaned forward and told him I really want to give him another one already. He groans at me and says we’d be up all night if we didn’t have work (and if I didn’t need to get to the house). What can I say, I really enjoy giving him blowjobs.

As I was getting in my car he told me to let him know when I made it back in as usual. He texted me some while I was driving and then when I made it home I let him know. Friday I asked him how his meetings went and we talked for a long time. Nothing since, I did run into him at the office though. I had parked and was walking to the door when I saw two men standing by it. I could tell it was him just by his back and the way he was standing. He turns around and tells me “Hey” I smile and say “Hello” and keep walking.

I realize now he probably wants me to text him more but that’s so weird for me and when I did it before it always seemed I was bothering him with it. But we will see what unfolds from here.

What are your views on being the first to text the other person? Any advice on how to handle that or if you would even do that with a man you were seeing? 

That’s My Face

Image“When I saw him put his hands on your face I wanted to yell at him not to touch you, because that’s my face. But I couldn’t because that wouldn’t have ended well.”

That one sentence the Russian told me Wednesday night made me catch my breath. It was the first time in a while he voiced his feelings for me. The reason he said that was because he had been in the same place as the boyfriend and I had been Saturday night.

After the Thursday we had spent together last week I didn’t really hear from him until the Sunday after we saw each other. It was kind of awkward starting the conversation. We hadn’t actually seen each other out like that since we started this…whatever this is. But once we got past the awkward parts it got to how it always has been, just talking to each other and asking questions.

Seeing him Wednesday I feel made him reveal more of his feelings towards me. Once I picked up some food, he had been craving steak, I went to his house as usual. Us eating together is such a normal thing, we joke and laugh together. He has no problem giving me shit or taking my sarcasm and jokes. He paid me back for the food, I told him he didn’t have to but he insisted since it wasn’t like burgers or pasta.


We continued where we left off on the show and cuddled on the couch with our drinks. (That’s how we usually look on the couch)

I really and truthfully don’t know how to think of him. I feel myself falling for him every time I think about that night. During our time together of course we kissed and did some of the usual things we do together. But at one point he pauses the show to ask me some questions. I’m sure I’ve said before that he has some dominant tendencies and one of the things he likes to do is touch and grab my throat.

I know there are some people who are thinking, “What the fuck?!” It isn’t something I’ve ever done before but the way he does it is such a turn on that it’s crazy to me. Well, he wanted to know why I liked it when he did that. I quietly explained that I wasn’t sure why but it just felt good. He says, “There’s no way you haven’t been grabbed like that before. I mean, who wouldn’t want to wrap you up like that and kiss you?” I just shrug and say well it has never been done before. He asked me why, I just tell him everyone has always acted like I was some delicate flower that would just break.the-notebook-face

He then mentions that he saw my boyfriend touch my face Saturday night and then said the above comment. He then added, “I shouldn’t feel that way but I can’t help it.” I honestly was shocked and didn’t know how to respond. I couldn’t tell him the thought of that broke my heart, because I want to be his. All of me.

I just laid my head against his chest and closed my eyes for a minute. He then just wrapped his arms around me and held me closer. He pressed play and the show continued on.

After we were watching it for a while, he did his usual thing where he touches my face and then squeezes my cheeks. I kind of fidget and tell him to stop because I don’t like that. He tells me I have no reason to do that, I need to stop worrying about what people think, especially him. He kind of whispers that into my ear. So I try and relax so he can touch on my face, then he starts to massage on my jaw and then my neck. I instinctively start to make little noises, not trying to sound sexy but just because it felt good.

He tells me, “If you don’t stop making those noises we’re going to have a problem.” I laugh and say, “I’m sorry but I can’t help it. It just feels nice.”

He pauses the show again, “Do you have any idea how pretty you are?” He always asks me this question, mainly because I don’t think I’m that pretty. He starts brushing my hair back and tells me to keep my eyes closed and not to move unless he moves me. He then proceeds to touch my face, running his fingers down my face to my jaw line. He then touches my neck and tilts my head to the right. He proceeds to do the same thing on the other side of my face. It’s so intense and personal for me, I’ve never just let a man stare and touch me like that.

When he’s done he says quietly, “You’re face is so symmetrical, you’re so beautiful.” I whisper thanks to him and open my eyes. “Come on, you have to know you are so far above average looking. Why else would you take those model pictures?” He’s always asked about my portfolio pictures. I just say that lots of girls take those kinds of pictures it isn’t a rare thing. He says, “But they don’t look like you.”

I tell him thank you again and just look at him. I go to lay back down on him and my phone goes off. I pick it up and see it’s from the boyfriend asking what I was doing. I said watching TV with the girls. The Russian takes my phone and looks at it. I set it back down and he says I kind of feel bad. I nod my head and get quiet. He looks at me and says “The only reason I don’t want either of us to get in trouble is so he doesn’t find out what is going on and gets hurt. Because I’ve been there before and I don’t want to make someone hurt like I did.” I kind of blatantly say if you want me to leave I will. He grabs me and says, “Don’t say that shit. I just don’t want him finding out and everything getting out of hand.” I nod my head and say I agree. He pulls me close to him and tells me I need to get my own place. I tell him I’m trying and he smiles.

The Russian has told me his last serious girlfriend cheated on him once, but it wasn’t like what we are doing he says. The rest of the night continues on. We play with each other and kiss more. When it gets later I tell him I probably should leave once the episode we are watching ends. I say I don’t want to but I should.

He asks me if we should just pause the show for a little bit. I look at him and say if you want to we can. He pauses it and sits me on top of him. We start to kiss and it’s so passionate. We kiss in the way he showed me earlier and I can tell that’s what he really likes. He grabs a handful of my hair and pulls me back from him. I look at him and he pulls my ear to his mouth. He whispers those words he knows I love hearing. I slowly make my way down and start giving him a blow job.

Not to blow my own horn but I know I rock his world every time I do this for him. He gets so into it that it makes it more fun for me. He will play with my hair and talk to me during. When we finally reached the climax and I sat up to look at him he had his eyes closed and was smiling. When he looked at me he groaned and said, “You’re going to drive me crazy with that.” I laugh and lay down next to him. When I finally stand up to get dressed he does the same. I’m not sure what or how it happened but next thing I know he picks me up and I wrap my legs around him. We kiss like that for a while and he slowly put his hand down my pants. I whisper how badly I want him and he quietly says, “You aren’t ready yet.” He sets me down and I walk to my car.

This is probably one of my favorite parts. He kept pulling me back against him and kisses my lips, neck, face and just laughs with me. I tell him he needs to quit teasing me. He then pins me against my car and kisses me hard. “Don’t call me a tease.” He tells me as he quickly puts his hand down my pants and quickly slides a finger inside me. I was in such a shock he did that I didn’t even stop him. He eventually brings his hand out and wraps his arms around me.

I’m getting ready to go out of town on a little vacation for four days and tells me I better behave myself. I say yes sir and laugh. He opens my car door and puts me in my car. He continues to kiss me so deeply. Then he wants to make sure I’m okay to drive home, I tell him I’m fine. Then, “Do you have your phone?” I nod, and smile. “Show me you have it.” I pull it out of my pocket, “See sir, I have my phone!” He does this adorable little drunk dance and tells me to text him that I made it home okay. I tell him I will. He does this dance again and says, “I’ll beat that ass if you don’t let me know you’re home safe!!” I laugh out loud and say I will and not to worry. He then leans into my car again and gives me such a deep kiss. He holds me like that for a little while and then says, “Alright little girl hit the road.”

I get home safely (obviously) I texted him and told him I was home. I thanked him for inviting me over (a little inside joke between us) the next morning he said he was glad I came and that he was more drunk than he thought. I laughed and asked if he remembered the dance he did. He didn’t and was surprised at himself.

We talked some that next day, just back and forth kind of stuff. That night I thought he seemed a little grumpy and he told me he was tired. Then he joked with me about something and that was it.

Considering today is Valentine’s Day I didn’t really expect to hear from him. It is a “love” holiday. Is it bad that I wish it would be him sending me flowers or taking me to eat somewhere? Considering the boyfriend hasn’t and probably isn’t doing anything for me it makes me sad.

I’m going to use the time I’ll be away to really figure out what it is I really want. I won’t be around either of them for a few days. But I already know what I want don’t I? I want my Russian and I want to be his.

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone, I hope it started and will end better than mine.

In Case You Ever Foolishly Forget, I’m Never Not Thinking of You


Well the Russian and I had yet another rendezvous last night. It wasn’t a well planned one as we decided to hang out a few hours in advance. When I got there I guess I was a little awkward…but then I should back up and explain why.

During the earlier part in the week we were talking about whatever, I think about an injury he is dealing with, and I was showing sympathy towards him about it. He then made a comment implying he’s got a girl a day that can baby him if he needs it. I thinking he was joking so I said “Oh congratulations” and he said “You were the last one to come” and to this I glared at him (emoji) which led to this conversation:

Him: “What?”

Me: “Oh don’t what me”

Him: “One…I’m being truthful. Two…you live with a guy…Three so don’t squint at me!”

I think I said “What the fuck?!” out loud at that point. I mean, I’m not an idiot; he is a single guy and can do whatever the hell he wants but just to so blatantly say that shocked me. I just played it off as whatever and didn’t really respond to him. So he goes on to try and joke with me that I’m late for my appointment to “tata” him since he’s hurt. We joke about this and move on.

As the night wears on he starts to actually ask me questions about myself that are kind of in depth. The first one being if I felt bad about seeing him. Now, I should explain that at first I felt like shit. Literal shit. I had problems sleeping, eating and just relaxing. I’m still a gigantic ball of anxiety because of what is happening. Add in the fact I have never cheated before and don’t even know how to keep a secret like this to myself. Well I explained to the Russian that it weighs a lot on my conscience and that I don’t feel bad anymore which is weird for me since I didn’t think it would ever go away.

He then asked me if I was being completely honest about never cheating before, to which I told him yes. I tell him that I’m not good at hiding stuff, which is very true. I’m the one who (before this) had no problem letting anyone go through my phone, social media sites or anything. I don’t hide stuff. He then brought up the fact I seem calm when he has called while we were together. I told him that after years of practice with my mom I can control my tone of voice over the phone, but in face to face situations I just can’t lie. I physically make it obvious. But, back to the phone, I told him if I didn’t watch my tone my voice would get shaky and weird.

I was curious about these questions because I’ve often wondered how a relationship with him would progress (if it even did) considering the circumstances. I would be afraid he’d have trust issues with me, which would be expected I mean, look at this situation. I feel I’d have to reassure him for a long time I wasn’t “messing around” with anyone. My nature is to only have eyes for the person I’m with, I literally don’t see other men when I’m with someone else. But somehow, I saw him.

Well the discussion continues with him asking me questions about my past and things like that. Somehow the conversation got to yelling in arguments and I told him I don’t do yelling. If you yell at me I literally just shut down and leave. I explained this to him and he agreed with me that he doesn’t like yelling or tolerate it. That’s all cool and fine. So now I can fast forward to last night.

I guess I was giving off a weird body language to him. I did have a wall up when I first got there, after how the conversation went Monday I just felt the need to be that way. Not in a mean way, just not be super sweet. He apparently caught on to this quickly. He asked if I was mad at him or something, I laughed and said “No, if I was mad you would know” and he said he thought I didn’t yell, to which I replied there are more ways to show you’re mad than yelling.

Well we put the movie in and cuddle on his couch. The movie was okay, I wasn’t super impressed with it. Well we were drinking and talking during it which was really nice. Then he starts playing with my hands and hair. We get slightly frisky and have a fairly steamy kissing session. At that point he gets up to fix us more drinks and we adjust our seating arrangements. This time, I am like I was the last time, my back laying against his chest and he’s kind of seated up. Well he then sits me up to remove my bra, because, “It’s getting in the way.” So I lay back and he continues to play with my hair and hands. I instinctively reach up with my left arm and wrap my arm around his head. I play with his hair, massage his neck and touch on his face. I didn’t realize what I was doing till I could feel him hugging me tighter at certain times and then I slowed down with that. But he would kiss my head and just rub me. Well the movie started getting a little slow and we got friskier.

I seductively started sucking on his finger and slowly I started doing it more. This lead to him groping my breasts more, which caused him to realize how sensitive they are and he kept on with that. He did a few times try to sneak his hand down my pants. And he knows I usually resist that, only because that to me is personal and since I had finally let him not only touch me there before but also fuck me, I’m much more cautious now.

So he, for lack of a better word, rubbed my clit through my pants. Which ended with me coming and having an extremely hard time keeping my resistance up. Well we calm down a little after that to watch the movie some more. It was getting closer to the end and we were mainly cracking jokes about it and not paying much attention. Well we started kissing again, I know I’ve said it before but the Russian is an amazing kisser.

Well things progressed further to the point I’m on top on him and unbuttoning his pants. He knows how much I like to be asked to suck his dick and he proceeds to ask. And that begins. I’ve always enjoyed performing this activity with my previous boyfriends and I find myself enjoying it even more with him. He plays with my hair and tells me how he’s feeling and is very responsive to what I’m doing. Well this continues on till he finishes, after which he pulls me up to him and kisses me. Then he lays me beside him while he rubs my back. Well he end up just laying there talking to each other, me topless and him with no bottoms. I then go back and forth between playing with his member and touching his face with my other hand. We get friskier and I teased him with another blow job but stopped. We talk dirty to each other and he tells me how much of a turn on I am. Well once we finally come to terms that I need to leave I stand to get dressed and he bends me over the couch to play with my ass and pretty much tease himself and me. Once we finally get dressed and I’m walking to leave he’s hugging me harder and kissing me more, saying he wished I didn’t have to go. And I agreed with him. I then drive home much later than I should have been. I get to my house and let the boyfriend know I’m home. I text the Russian and tell him I’m home. I passed out but this morning I saw he sent, “Thanks for letting me know, sweet dreams :)”

So that was my night, and all I can think of is I can’t wait to see him again. I had tried Sunday to talk with the boyfriend about how I had been feeling and what I wanted. It did not go as expected. I’m pretty terrible at expressing my real feelings and what I want. The discussion gets to the living situation and he states that if we lived separately than he wouldn’t want us to continue seeing each other. And I can understand that but at the same time, I’m afraid to let the relationship go because of my fear of being alone. So now I’m just torn on what to do. The Russian I know isn’t going to wait forever, even if he is actually wanting to be with me. But what happens if I leave my boyfriend and just feel immediate regret? I’m on the verge of calling a medium or psychic who will charge me for advice.

Oh well. Until next time dear readers!