Will You Tell Me How’s It Going To Be?


So much happened from the day after my last post, it’s pretty insane.

The boyfriend and I have officially broken up, as in, I’m in a separate bedroom in the house and we’re both searching for our own places. Even though I do already have mine and will be in it next month.


How did this break up happen you wonder? In order to save room for the rest of what’s been going on I’ll give you the abridged version. He asked to look at my cell phone, specifically my text conversations. I couldn’t let him do that so I resisted, three hours later after revealing true feelings and thoughts we decided to end things and find our own places.

It was a little rough on me, I hate ending things and I did once love him more than anything. We’ve been together getting close to six years now and lived together for probably five of those six. Now comes the daunting task of going through who gets what and moving into a new place. It is a weird situation though, because I still have to break my habits of wanting a kiss hello or goodbye, but I’m working on it.


Things with the Russian are going really well, after Tuesday night we opened up a whole new barrier between us. But I’m getting ahead of myself already.


Two days after the boyfriend and I ended things I went to see the Russian. Grabbed some food for us like usual and headed to his house, this was on a Friday so I didn’t have any time restrictions. We did our usual thing and I finally got caught up on the show we had been watching together. We also had sex, twice. The second time was not expected at all but worth it. I don’t have a lot of details because that happened about two weeks ago! After that we talked some over the weekend as usual.


The next week we didn’t see each other but we talked almost every day. He’s been having issues with work and we spend a lot of time talking about that. He always asks for my opinion about what’s going on and how I think he handled something. I was a little sad I didn’t get to see him last week, especially since he knew that the boyfriend and I had broken up but I kept myself busy and didn’t stay at the house too much over that weekend. We did however talk to each other over the entire weekend. I had gone out with some of my friends Saturday night and I was talking with him that night, and Sunday we spoke all day and late into the night. He had asked if I could see him Monday but I had plans and couldn’t, but we continued to talk to each other the rest of that night.


Tuesday came and we talked, I initiated a conversation that led to him asking if I wanted to have dinner and watch a movie.

I, of course, did so I finished getting ready and went to his house. Monday night we had been talking about him updating his resume and he sent it to me just to look over via email and give him my first thoughts on it. Well when I got there he asked if I would mind looking over it again with him. I was glad he had asked me to help him with something like that, we probably spent two hours between going through his resume and just talking. He told me he liked that we could just spend time with each other like that, since normally we usually get right into the show. Once we had gotten through his resume and felt good about it, we got on the topic of my looks. We had the usual discussion on how he doesn’t believe I don’t find myself attractive and all that jazz.


Eventually we started a movie, or attempted to start one. We put the movie in put paused it as soon as it started. He had asked me why the boyfriend and I ended. I explained what all happened to him and this is when things got very real. We talked about what this could turn into, his explanation for our “extended quietnesses” and any reserves we have with each other.


He explained that he can see what we have now becoming more, but he doesn’t want me to jump from one relationship to another and at the same time he’s worried I might meet someone else once I moved out and that would cause me to just leave him. I told him I’m not looking for anyone else and I also don’t want to just jump into another relationship. He told me the reason we sometimes don’t speak, on his part, is because that is his way of not getting too attached to me given the situation we are in. He was worried he would and then I’d either just stay with my boyfriend or I had just been using him. I told him that’s the reason I never made a big deal out of it because it wouldn’t be fair of me to set expectations for him giving the situation and how complicated it is right now. He told me that he really liked that I was able to understand that and not get immediately mad at him, his exact words were, “I know you can lay the law down and I can see that in you, but I appreciate it that you understand why things have been this way.”


We didn’t sleep together that night, it was my time of the month, but other stuff did happen of course. He wanted me to set a goal for how many orgasms he could give me that night, just from touching me. I said eight, well he easily surpassed that goal. Things did get fairly dirty, he made a point to make me suck his finger and he’d put it down my throat to see if I’d gag…I didn’t of course. That drove him crazy. He also proceeded to rub his dick against me, without a condom on. I resisted at first but he said he just wanted to touch me and I couldn’t really resist him.


When I finally convinced him I needed to leave he started walking me to my car but stopped me against the door, and then my car. Teasing me. I had been bent over in some shorts and I told him I wanted him to fuck me while I wore these, he told me he planned on it.


The next day we started by talking about the night before and how things went. Then we joked with each and talked on and off during the day. That night we talked more about his work issues and what was currently going on with that. That night he mentioned he wanted to tell me specific stuff about work in person and that if I was in my own place he wouldn’t have minded coming by to talk to me. I told him it wouldn’t be much longer and he asked the date again. Then he offered to help me move, I wasn’t going to ask too many people to help me and I didn’t want to ask him. I told him that and he said I should have known he would offer and that he can lend me his trailer and help. That surprised me a lot but I told him thank you.


After talking that night I didn’t hear from him until Thursday afternoon, when he asked to see me again. I was a little surprised because we usually don’t see each other that quickly in one week but I agreed and went over there. Thursday night we ate and again had some more serious talks about things. He wanted me to be more honest with him about certain things so I finally asked him if he’s ever told anybody about us and me. He said besides the friend who we’ve hung out with? I told him yes. He mentioned he told two of his best friends that live further away. He said he didn’t want to tell too many people because 1. If things fell through he didn’t want to look like an idiot and 2. We both know the same people so word could get out fairly easy. He then wanted to know why I asked him that, at first I didn’t really want to tell him but I finally said I was just curious if he was embarrassed by me. He literally looked so shocked when I said that.


He couldn’t believe I would think that about myself. He then went on another longish rant about my looks and how beautiful I am and that I should never think like that. He asked if I thought I was good looking enough for him and I kind of shrugged my shoulders at him and he was literally telling me that I was too pretty for him. And then we started talking about numbering each other and all that again. I told him I feel average about myself and he told me he would rank me a nine on looks alone. This went on for a little while and we finally started watching a movie again.


We started fooling around with each other and while I was kissing him I said I wished he was inside of me, and he told me he wanted to be and that he didn’t mind it being that time of the month. So he got us a towel and I went to the bathroom. When I came back he had everything laid out and ready to go for us. He made a comment about the condoms and the fact he had to get the smaller ones because they were out of his normal size…magnum XL if anyone was wondering.


So we started on the couch with me on top for a while, and then eventually we moved to standing and him behind me. He leaned me over this big chair of his and pretty much went to town on me. Slapping my ass and all that jazz. Then we got into his bed and he put another condom on, I was starting to feel somewhat bad because I knew they were too small for him but he never complained. We stayed in his bed with him on top of me with my legs on his shoulders until he came. We eventually went back to the couch and watched the movie again till it ended.


We eventually picked another movie out but somehow we talked about singing so he turned on some music and we started singing with each other. He has a really good voice and he normally always refuses to sing to me. I can’t really sing but I went along with him. Two songs really stuck out to me that he picked to play and sing. The first was “All of Me” by John Legend and the other was “Let’s Get it On” by Marvin Gaye. I say these two because he really sang those and would squeeze me closer to him while he did it. He had me laying with my back against his chest this entire time. We probably laid there singing and talking for a good hour if not more.


As things normally do, we got frisky again for a round two. He made a comment about the “tiny” condoms and when I looked at them I realized how small they were compared to him. Well, needless to say we had sex without them for the second round. And he felt absolutely amazing to me. I know we shouldn’t have but it’s like I just couldn’t help myself. Of course, when he got closer to coming he asked where he should come, I asked where he wanted. Typical guy answer…on my face and in my mouth.


I did say no at first, it’s more of a control thing for me to not let that happen but he eventually broke my barriers down and he stood me up to fuck me from behind, and then when he was about to come he spun me around, put me on my knees and came in my mouth and on my face. I was a little shocked it actually happened and he could tell by my facial expression. But he got me a wet towel and helped me clean my face off. This was around almost 4 am by this point when we finished, and as usual I had to leave. He didn’t want me to go but knew I had to. The next morning he started talking to me again, making fun of me for keeping him up all night. Of course, he brought up the fact I didn’t make him use a condom. He then asked what times are usually the ones you need to wear protection, I thought to myself well all the time but I told him when I’m ovulating you have to be more careful.


We talked some that afternoon but I was busy driving back from a business meeting and running off two hours of sleep so after I ate dinner I all but passed out. He sent me his usual text at about midnight that night:


Him: “Whaaaaaaaaaat”

Me: “Hello sir”

Him: “JJs, dance floor”

Me: “Lol getting your groove on?”

Him: “McMinnville, C’mon. Fucking word smith lmao”

(I know, that made no sense to me either but he was wasted)

Me: “Lol! Having fun?”

Him: “Bout to…wish we could be in public”

Me: “I know, me too…it won’t be much longer and we can”

Him: “What you doing?”

Me: “Just laying in bed all alone”

Him: “I’m talking to (my ex boyfriend’s name) right now. No shit.”

Me: “Lol that’s weird

Him: “Yes”

Him: “Can you come get me? I’ll walk down the road”

Me: “You need a ride home?”

Him: “Yes, the guy I’m with is palling around with your roommate”


Well I decided I would go get him and bring him home, he called me and stayed on the phone with me while I drove downtown to pick him up. He’s pretty adorable when he’s drunk so I didn’t mind. I was more worried the ex would see me picking him up since he was at the same bar, but the Russian walked about 3 blocks down from the bar. When he got in my car he noticed I needed gas so as we drove he told to find a gas station and he’d put gas in my car. He jokingly kept touching my face talking about the last time I brought his drunk self home. When I found a gas station I reached for my purse but he grabbed my hand and gave me his card…right before he tried to playfully hit me with his wallet but actually hurt my nose a little. He felt super bad so he kept kissing me and rubbing my nose. After I finally got my car filled up we continued driving to get him food since he was hungry. His drunk ass also kept honking my horn and driving me crazy with that.


When we got to his house we went inside and he ate while we watched tv and talked. He actually wanted me to stay the night but I just didn’t think it was a good idea, mainly because I’m trying to avoid getting kicked out for any reason before I move. But I stayed with him for a little, he held me while he slept for about an hour. When he walked me to my car, I got frisky and gave him a blowjob in his garage. Mainly because I knew he wasn’t expecting it and I felt like doing it. Well once he finished he finally let me go and I returned home. The….roommate was asleep and didn’t wake up when I got back. He didn’t ask me anything the next day nor did he mention seeing the Russian.


That day I spent with my friends out by the pool and we talked some but not as much. It was later in the day so I asked him what he was up to and this was his response:

Him: “I’m at my buddy’s. We cooked and will probably go see a movie…man date lol

(I had typed a response back but forgot to send it)

Him: I’d offer for you to come if it was 4 months from now lol

Him: “Or 2”

Me: “Lol it’s okay, I just saw I had a text written out but didn’t even send it”

Him: “What’d it say?”

Me: “Something about a bromance lol”

We chatted off and on that night, while he was in the movie we didn’t obviously. The next day I was out with some friends and we talked for a while. He asked me what I was doing that night and of course I didn’t have plans. So he asked if I wanted to come over again. Now, that’s three planned times we saw each other and one unplanned in one week. I’ve never seen him that much in one week.


I was a little tired when I got over there at first but we ate and talked like normal. At some point he asked me to help him with his back since it was bothering him. So I massaged it for him and then put ice packs on it then laid on top to help. After I did that for a little while we resumed sitting on the couch like normal. The movie wasn’t too interesting to me or him because he started getting frisky with me. One thing led to another and we went to his bed and fooled around for a little bit. Then of course we had sex. He had his normal condoms so we used one that time. Once we finished we both took a shower just to rinse off afterward. I put my clothes back on and we started another movie.


He had me pause it so he could go get more vodka for us. He came back and fixed a drink since mine was still okay. When I was ready for a second he told me I needed to learn how to make the drinks too. So I got up and started to make one, that’s when I noticed he had his phone pointed at me. I asked him what he was doing and he told me just taking pictures and I shouldn’t worry about it. I started laughing and told him to quit it. Well he continued until I was done fixing my drink.


Some point later I started to get turned on again so I began to suck his dick again. Only this time I realized he was taking pictures of me doing this. I started to get a little annoyed with him because he didn’t ask if he could and I’m not comfortable with that. I told him to put his phone down or else I’d have to bite him. He showed me some of the pictures he took while I’m still sucking on him, and he tells me, “Look how beautiful you are when you do that. And look at how hot you are in front of my fridge.” I just shake my head and continue what I’m doing. I tell him I want him to fuck me and at first he says he wants to come in my mouth and then fuck me. I was good with that so I kept on, then he asked if he could do both. I said of course.


So he picked me up and brought me to his bed. Now I was in my jean shorts from the other night so I started off on my knees in front of him. Then he yanked me up, bent me over the bed, pulled my thong and shorts to the side and proceeded to rub his dick against me until I was wetter. He then asked me if he could be inside me without a condom. I told him that was up to him and he proceeded to enter me without one. I must say, it was super hot to be fucked with my shorts still on. At some point I asked if he liked the way I felt and he then grabbed my hair to fuck me harder and he asked me what I thought.


He then pulled out of me and pushed me on my knees to suck his dick again. I did for a little bit then he laid me on my back, threw my legs up, shorts are still on and then he was inside me again. I could not get enough of that at all. After that he spun me around on the bed and had my head hanging off the bed and suck him again. Then, he made me stand up and he tried to fuck me standing up with my shorts on but they are too tight for that so he took them off me and kept me standing while he fucked me. Then he laid me back on the bed with my legs on his shoulders. I kept begging for him to fuck me and each time he would put his dick all the way in it would cause me to scream and pull back a little. Well, he eventually held me down so I could feel him all the way inside of me. And my god, did that feel good.


When he was ready to come I did ask him not to but I’m pretty greedy and couldn’t get enough orgasms that night. When he came he came on my boobs and stomach.


When we got dressed we resumed watching the movie, I thought he seemed a little distant at first but I leaned against him and he seemed fine. When it ended he said we would have to rewatch it one night since he distracted me this time. We joked around for a little bit and then I left close to 4 am. The ex woke up when I got home and questioned me some but not that much. I sent the Russian a text letting him know I made it back as I normally do:

Me: “I made it to the house old man lol”

Him: “Alright sucka”

Me: “Yeah yeah”

I haven’t heard from him since then, and that was a day ago so who knows. I think he’s always going back and forth in his mind with his feelings for me. Even after our serious discussions and the others we’ve had inbetween you would think he would be more open with me. I thought maybe we’d gotten past that but apparently we won’t for a while.

Sorry for the huge post! As you can tell so much has happened in the past few weeks, now that the company’s IT department will let me post again I will be able to keep up more.

Any thoughts or advice about this? Do you think the Russian is being more honest with me now? Or, could he just be continuing with his usual antics?



Reactions, Issues and Juggling


It sometimes blows my mind with how the Russian acts and how he wants me to be. Not in a bad way just in a shocking way. After we had spent the last time together I decided to check on how his meeting about work had gone and we talked normal about that. Then over that weekend we didn’t really talk, I was super busy and didn’t text him. Then on Monday I sent him a funny picture relating to a movie we had attempted to watch together and he never responded. I was completely thrown off and a little hurt.

Well I remembered his phone had been acting up after he updated and I had saved his email to his phone number in my contacts list. So I sent another picture on Wednesday to his actual phone number and he responded back immediately. I brought up him not responding to me in the conversation like this:

Me: “I sent you a hilarious meme Monday but SOMEONE was apparently too good to respond”

Him: “Never got it?”

I gave him a little bit of a hard time about it and then sent the picture to him again. He stated that he loved that movie and I made another comment to him.

Me: “I’ve only seen like 30 minutes of that movie thanks to someone”

Him: “That someone is you lol and I mayyy have slightly contributed”

Me: “Oh bullshit! You got those roles reversed old man lol”

Him: “Wtfe lol”

Him: “Whatever tastes better going down…pun intended”

Me: “Dirty, dirty old man!! But that was a nice one lol”

As the conversation progresses between us he mentions my boyfriend and says a statement that he knows aggravates me. I asked him why he said that and he said specifically, “To aggravate you.”

Me: “Would it kill you to ever just be nice to me once in a while?! Lol”

Him: “Ditto! And no it wouldn’t”

Me: “I am nice to you!!”

Him: “I’ll always be a smartass though”

Me: “And so will I lol I’m just saying!”

Then he went to dinner with his family at one of my favorite places in our city. He had mentioned it to me earlier so I was pretty jealous already. Well he sent me a text telling me what he ate:

Me: “I’m so jealous and hating you right now”

Him: “I’m ok with this.”

Me: “Oh well as long as you’re okay with me hating you!”

Him: “If it’s because I had ____ lol”

Me: “That’s a good point but I’m still mad at you so hmmm!”

Him: (He sent me a sleeping emoji)

Me: “Keep it up fucker and I’ll knock your happy ass out”

Him: “I’m sorry what? I dozed off.”

Him: “Lol damn I’m funny”

Me: (I sent him three emojis)

Him: “Don’t strain that pretty face”

Me: “That’s my mad/pout face and I’ll do what I want!”

Him: “Elevating your ratchetness will get nowhere.”

Me: “How was that even remotely ratchet sir?”

Him: “You raised your voice”

Me: “One exclamation is not me raising my voice sweetheart lol”

Him: “It is if I say so.”

Me: “Oh is that you using your big man voice on me?”

Him: “Yes it was”

Me: “You know how much I like it when you do”

Him: “Yes perve lol”

Me: “You call me a perve like it is a bad thing lol”

Him: “No I didn’t”

Me: “Uh huh if you say so”


We stopped talking after that point but it was already pretty late. The next day I hadn’t heard from him but I figured I would since Thursdays have become our nights to see each other. Well when I did hear from him it was later than usual so I was worried about me being able to get away. I actually would be by myself the entire weekend so I told him that but he was going out of town as it had turned out. Well I didn’t want to not see him for a while and I could tell he was the same way. He seemed a little upset when I mentioned I might not be able to but then luckily I was good to get away.

He asked me to pick up our usual food and made a comment about paying me for it. I haven’t taken his money only because it isn’t expensive, plus I don’t want him to think I need him to…right now any ways. When I got there we started the show and ate while watching it as usual. We talked about the episode we left off on and started joking with each other. After we ate he put the food up and sat back down with me. He waited a little while to make drinks but he eventually did. He asked me if I wanted one and I just said yes, knowing he was expecting a “yes sir” from me. And he pulled me to him and said “Yes what?” and I just smiled and said yes. He laughed and said I was asking for trouble behaving that way.

As the night progressed we talked more about my house and other things going on. When we discussed my house he brings up again that he didn’t think I was really going to move. I get frustrated and tell him if he’d like to see the signed contract then I can pull it up to show him. He tells me he believes me now because most people wouldn’t lie about something like that. I remind him I haven’t been lying it just hasn’t been a good market lately for houses. He makes us each a second drink when my phone goes off. One of my old school friends had sent me a text asking about a particular class and teacher. The Russian actually said, “Who you texting little girl?!” I knew he was being funny so I explained the text and what was going on. This led to a further discussion of “juggling” people.

He made a joke to me about other guys and I said, “Unlike some people, I don’t juggle multiple people in my life.” He asks me if I was directing that somewhere and I just said, “Nope, I’m just saying I don’t do that like other people can do.” He grabs my face and tells me I have my facts wrong and to not think like that. I laugh it off and give him a kiss on the cheek. I did ask him about why he would send me one text and then nothing else; he claims he was testing me. Which is something I hate but I tell him again he can easily text me.

At some point he takes my bra off but does it a little different than normal. I had been leaning on his side with his right arm around me and my legs over his. Well he sits me up and undoes my bra strap then moves his hand up to take my bra strap down. I usually take it off so I lift my hand to do that and he grabs it and pushes it onto my lap. He then removes my bra completely for me. He sits me back like I had been and we continue watching our show. He had been rubbing my legs and I made a comment about being a little sore so he puts me in his lap and starts to massage my shoulders and back. All while slightly teasing me of course.

As things progress we start kissing each other and then he’s lying on the couch while I’m on top of him. I tell him I want him and he asks me kind of a weird question, to me anyways. “Do you want me to fuck you while you watch this show or do you just want me to fuck you?” I kind of raise an eyebrow at him and I tell him I just want him to fuck me, he grabs my throat and tells me “Good answer.” While we continue to kiss I unbutton his pants and then he pushes me off of him. I kind of look at him and he grabs me and tells me to go to the bed. He had to go to the bathroom so I walked to his bed and lay down. When he came back he rolled me onto my stomach and slowly takes my shorts and panties off and then throws them over the bedside table. He makes me lay like that while he plays with my ass, going from smacking it to gently playing with it. He turns me over and then he’s the one on his stomach. I sit him up and take his shirt off then move down to take his pants off. Once those are off then things went on as normal. I sucked on his dick for a little bit, going easy on him just to tease him more than anything. Then he puts lube on my hand that I rub on him while he gets a condom ready. Once he’s ready I straddle him and slowly take him inside me. I don’t think I’ll ever get use to that feeling. He’s almost too big but it always feels amazing. Once he’s inside me it takes a moment for me to get comfortable enough to start riding him. He makes a comment about me being super tight and arches his back up which pushed him deeper in me, causing me to yell out a little.

I stay on top for the majority of the time, from reverse cowgirl, being sideways and normal girl on top. I tell him that I want him behind me and he quickly flips me around like that. As he’s starting to really fuck me he pulls my hair which makes me lift my face right next to his. I turn my face a little and kiss him deeply like he likes. He tells me he’s about to cum and wants to cum on my back. I don’t think I’ll ever understand men’s fascination with that. I tell him he can but he tells me I have to have one more orgasm first. So hey, I’m not going to tell me no! I have my millionth orgasm and then right when he came he pulled out, threw the condom off and came on my back.

He cleans my back off and we lay in bed together for a little while longer. Since he’s on his back and still hard I kiss his chest and stomach then make my way down to his member. I give him a little BJ, it’s easier for me to deep throat him right after he came. He definitely makes the sexiest noises when we are enjoying each other; I think I’m addicted to that the most. Just his reactions to me doing things to him.

He hands me my shorts and kind of stands there, I jokingly ask if he was going to watch me get dressed and he said he wanted to but he’d be a gentleman and wait. We resume sitting on the couch for a little bit and start watching a game on TV. We discuss it some and have a semi-serious discussion about teams and players. He gave me crap for my teams I liked and why I liked them. Eventually I leave and he walks me out as usual. We talk more and he kisses me a few times before I go.

Over the weekend I didn’t talk to him but I knew he was with his friends out of our area so I just let it go. He saw me at work yesterday, I’m not sure how or where, but I know I looked good. Pencil skirts are always a sure way to flatter this girl’s body.

Him: “Looking sharp”

Me: “Thanks, I do what I can”

Him: “Don’t get big headed!”

Me: “Lol! I’m not, just being honest fool!”

Yesterday afternoon I went and checked out the progress on my home and the status of some of the things being done. I went to another house this man had done and saw what the kitchen will look like almost exactly. Well I photographed it and sent it to the Russian later that night. He really liked it and we talked about the house some and what I’ll be doing to it. I make a comment about the floors and they will be like his but I said something about some that were too shiny and he thought I was saying I didn’t like his. I jokingly called him a “grouchy ass” and he told me he thought we were being nice and I said we were till he gave me attitude and he kind of pouted a little.

Me: “Oh don’t frown at me! You know I’m playing with you.”

Him: “Wish you were”

Me: “Mmm is that right?”

Him: “Yep”

Me: “The feeling is mutual”

Then we get on the topic of my relationship and how that was going. He asked basically if we had officially broken up, I tell him no but it’s obvious between the two of us that it will happen. To be honest with my readers the boyfriend and I have talked maybe 30 minutes with each other the past two weeks. Only if it’s about the dogs or house do we speak to each other, otherwise it’s nothing. I told the Russian that we rarely go places together anymore and we literally talk to each other like roommates.

I honestly get the feeling the Russian is going to want to eventually make things more between once I’m moved out on my own. I worry about the trust aspect with that but I’ll just have to really show him he can trust me. Of course, like one of my readers mentioned I will have to ask him what it is he wants too. I do and I don’t look forward to that. Oh well! Closing date is getting closer and closer, wish me luck as I end one relationship, move out and start life all over again. I’m absolutely terrified but excited too, oh the joys of being an almost grown up! 

Just Fucking Rip Them!


I’m not sure how to really even begin this post. As usual a lot has happened since my last post and even since last week.

I officially have found a house that I love, I made an official offer on it and it was accepted. Closing is expected to be early this summer so keep your fingers crossed for me! The only problem is I haven’t shared this information with the boyfriend yet. My family and I agree that I should wait till it’s closer to the date otherwise living together for another two months would be quite awkward. Also, he could get angry and just completely kick me out which wouldn’t be good either.

Well the Russian and I are in our usual weird limbo. Last week we saw each other on Thursday night and let me say, that was one to remember.

**Kind reminder, there will be sex discussed in this post so turn back now if you don’t want to read about it!**

We were both off that Friday so after a drawn out conversation that dealt with us playing cat and mouse we decided to see each other on Thursday. At some point in the conversation I will say he mentioned our “extended quietnesses” (his own words). I didn’t get a real answer on it as I had passed out after it was brought up in a playful way. The days before that we spoke a lot with each other. A lot about my new house, a major project he’s been working on and then a few other things too.

That Thursday we talked pretty much the entire day since he was off. So when it got closer to the time we decided to meet he asked if I wanted to pick up some food for us and I did.

When I got to his house we sat down to eat and start the show. We were just talking a lot with each other and joking around. After we ate and watched about half of an episode he asked if I wanted a drink and I said yes so he fixed us drinks. I think this was one of the times when we just talked a lot with each other. We joked around so much and had some random conversations. When it came time for a second drink I was surprised at how early it was so I asked for another. By that second drink I was definitely feeling it and I could tell he was too.


He gets to be so silly around me once he’s comfortable, we kept making jokes about the show we were watching and he would crack me up about that all night. Or we would say the same thing at the same time and he would be sure to point it out to me when it happened. Sometimes I feel so comfortable around him I can’t help but wonder what will happen when I’m officially on my own. I guess that’s something we will see later.

Back to the story. So we had been sitting on the couch during this time and I was wearing shorts. So he was rubbing on my legs and holding my hand. I had been really picking on him, mainly calling him the usual nicknames I do and he was pretending to pout about it so I kissed on his face like I know he likes. I kissed his cheek and slowly made my way to his lips, I kissed the corner of his mouth and then he turned to face me and he starts to touch my cheeks. I make a face a pull back a little and he tells me to stop that and says, “You need to get over this face thing because I like to touch your face.” So I let him touch my cheeks and then we started to kiss very deep. He’s running his hands through my hair and touching my face and throat like he normally likes to do.


When we finally came up for air we resumed watching the show but this time he had me pulled right up against him. My memory gets a little hazy here so just hang on.

We started to kiss again and he slipped his hand between my legs and started gripping my thighs. After more kissing he slid his hand up and started to touch me through my shorts. At some point he had his hand down the front of my shorts. He made a comment about my waxing and how long it usually lasts. He then starts to touch me until he slides a finger inside me. I keep my eyes open and on his facial reactions, he closes his eyes, arches his back a little and moans. He becomes aware I was staring at him so he starts moving his finger faster and deeper into me. Causing me to close my eyes and really enjoy myself.

After he does this for a little bit he turns so his back is against the arm rest and I turn to face him. He stands me up and I take my shorts off, he then asks me to stand over him while I’m just in my shirt and panties. These are those that are the “cheeky” ones that the portion that covers your ass is all lace. As I’m standing over him he touches my ass and starts talking to me. He gives me all these compliments on my ass and that he wishes he could photograph this moment. I laugh and tell him to keep wishing cause that won’t happen. (I was horny, not stupid at that moment) As it continues, I finally turn around and straddle him. He moves to try and take my panties off so I jump off the couch and take a few steps away. He sits up and gives me a look then tells me to come back over there. I tell him to come catch me and I walk to the bed. He grabs me real quick and carries me to his bed. As I sit on the bed he grabs a condom and a bottle of lube then he sets them on the bed.


He lays down and I sit on top of him. After he takes my shirt off I’m only in my panties. This is when things got intense. He’s rubbing on my ass and makes a remark about ripping my panties off me. I tell him I’ve never had someone do that and I wish he would. He tells me it might hurt me and I said, “Just fucking rip them!” And that is exactly what he did, in literally two seconds he ripped my pretty lace panties right off of me.Image

At that point things progressed quickly. He puts some lube on my hand that I then rub on his dick while he reached for the condom. When he had that on he rolled me onto my back and asked if I wanted him, I said, “Yes Sir” and he pushed himself inside of me. He had to go slow at first like he normally does and then things really started going. We had sex with him on top with my legs in the air and wrapped around him, I was on top in about four different positions, then he was behind me as I laid on the bed and then before he came he had me leaning over the bed while he was behind me. This was well over an hour by the time he came.

It still is crazy to me that he can last that long. He got up so we could find our clothes and go back to the couch. I found my shirt and he threw me my shorts after finding my panties ripped. He made a comment about them and wanting to keep them. I laughed and told him no. For some reason we couldn’t find his shorts anywhere so he just put on the cutest pair of boxers. He said they were his favorite cause of how soft they were. I liked them because I could easily see the bulge of his member. That statement made him laugh a lot.

We resumed watching the show together and were talking about random stuff again. At some point he got frisky and started touching me again. He tried to get hard again but considering we just had sex and had been drinking it didn’t happen at that moment, so he asked if I’d take a nap with him. We both were laying on the couch in just our shirts. He held me to where he had me wrapped in his arms and my head was laying on his chest. Any time I moved just a little he would hold onto me tighter and wouldn’t let me move. So I let him sleep for a little bit. I wasn’t tired but it was nice just laying like that with him.


Eventually he woke up and so did his member. We resumed where we left off before the nap. I was sitting on top of him and straddled him. One thing he does that I really like is when he can take control while he’s underneath me. He will hold my hips still and, well, just really fuck me. At some point he lifts me up and carries me to the large chair in his living room and bends me over it. He really starts to go when he’s behind me. It’s almost too much for me because I was still a little sore. Then he starts to get more into slapping my ass. Which he had done before but I think in that position he was able to really do it. He favors his right hand so he slaps my left ass cheek the most. For the first time I had to tell him to go easier because it was starting to border on actually hurting. He was surprised by that but he switched hands and ass cheeks. I lean myself up so my back is against his chest and he lifts me up while he continues to fuck me.


I don’t know how but he then turns me around and lays me on the armrest. He asks if I want him to cum and I tell him “Yes Sir” and he keeps going, I had so many orgasms at this point I can’t even guess. Whenever he comes he pulls me against him and holds me. As I walk around to get dressed he’s standing there completely naked and I couldn’t help but just stare at him. Maybe it was the added alcohol or the fact I was like a horny teenager but I know my look was one of those hungry and greedy looks. He made a comment that if I didn’t stop staring like that we’d have a problem. I told him to either put some underwear on or another condom.

Once I’m dressed he just wraps a towel around himself and after a playful game of him trying to take my panties we walk to my car. We talk a little more and then he kisses me goodbye, tries to take my panties again and then I finally leave.

As usual, we didn’t talk the next day but I was busy with family stuff and he knew that. The day after that he sent me a text with his usual “Yo” and I responded but he never sent anything back. So we didn’t talk over the weekend. But Monday afternoon he was parking his truck behind my car while I was leaving to run an errand.

Him: “Did you even notice that was me speed demon?”

Me: “I had a feeling it was you lol and I wasn’t even driving that fast”

Well we didn’t talk yesterday but then today he’s been texting me more. As usual he was critiquing my driving and telling me I need to drive slower, I tell him I will drive slower and I can almost tell it’s the dominate personality in him trying to come out.

Ahhh this man drives me insane with these “extended quietnesses” as he liked to put it. I don’t know if it’s because he wants me to text him or if he’s just being weird because of this entire situation.

Oh well, we will see what happens. So that was my last week and a half, how was yours?

But Timing’s a Bitch


Where do I even begin this post? A lot has happened in the last few days…last night especially.

**Forewarning, there is definitely some graphic sex in this post so if you’re offended or not interested in sex you have been warned!

After talking to the Russian somewhat over the weekend I didn’t hear anything from him from Sunday until Thursday after work. I had literally just left the office and was driving home when I got his text.

Him: “Yo _____”

Me: “Hola _____”

Him: “What are you doing this evening?”

Me: “I don’t know, I haven’t made any plans”

Me: “And yourself?”

Him: “Wondering if you would like to watch the new Hobbit?”

Me: “Hmmm possibly”

Him: “Hmmm”

Me: “I can probably swing that, maybe this one won’t put me to sleep”

Him: “I can give you something to do while we watch if you need help staying awake”

Me: “Haha! I’m sure you can lol”

Him: “It’s long though”

Me: “What’s a good time for me to come over?”

Him: “The movie”

Me: “I know that perve”

Him: “Sorrrrry…it couldn’t have meant something else apparently. I’m offended!”

Me: “Oh whatever! Lol you know it sounded perverted!”

Him: “I have an appointment at 5 so 7-7:30?”

Me: “That works for me”


If you could have seen my face and felt the emotions going through me when I saw he wanted to see me. So as I prepared myself to go over there I had a lot on my mind. It was mainly what should I say to him  and how should I act around him.

As I drove to his house my heart is just racing and I had a million thoughts racing in my mind. I get to his place and he opens the garage for me and I park.

I walk in and he’s fixing himself some dinner. I joke about what he’s making as I walk towards him. He grabs me in a hug and kisses my cheek. He’s a little weird about me watching him eat if I’m not eating so I sat on the couch and he was behind me at the kitchen table. While he’s eating he tells me about how busy he’s been with work for the past two weeks. He tells me a super long story about some stuff with work and I ask him a lot of questions but like most people, he has no problem telling me stuff. It must be that my face screams, “TELL ME EVERYTHINGYOU WANT TOO!” I should have become a shrink.


I should mention that he looked so handsome. Just in a tshirt and some jeans, it just screamed masculine. Plus he has amazing arms and I kept catching myself staring at them.

We talk about that for well about an hour, then when he finishes eating he starts to fix us drinks. I mention to him that I’ve found a house and I’ll be making an offer on it within the next few days. This, I could tell, really surprised him. We talk about that for a little while and then he puts the movie in and we start watching.

So he’s sitting on the couch and I’m next to him with my feet tucked underneath me but my legs are angled away from him. He grabs my legs and leans them so they are touching him and he can put his arms around them. He then asks me if it’s okay that he did that and I just laugh and say yes.

tumblr_n3tirwyMsl1rh1wv4o1_500So we talk a lot during this movie, about the acting, scenery and a few different characters. At one point I made a smart ass remark and he grabbed my chin and pulled me towards him so I would kiss on his face. As I’ve said in previous posts, he apparently really likes that. So I gave him a few kisses and pulled away. I lean against him and we continue to watch the movie and drink.

As he’s playing with my hair and rubbing my back, he finishes his drink and asks me if I’m done with mine so he could finish it and make us more. I drink the rest of it and he gets up to make us more drinks. As he is doing that he asks me more about the house. I start talking about looking at different loans and how we plan on presenting the offer.

We talk about that for a good 20 minutes, if not more. At one point he tells me that he was starting to think I was just lying to him about looking for a house. I tell him it’s just been hard trying to find what I want and be able to afford it on my own. He asks me if it’ll just be me there and I tell him yes. He asks how I think that’s going to go over with the boyfriend and I tell him it’s something that’s already been discussed. He drops that topic there because he could tell I didn’t really want to continue talking about it. We had been facing each other while talking about all this. Eventually he tells me I need to put my “tough exterior” down and relax.

I make another smart ass remark and he tells me that’s what he’s talking about. I laugh and lean in to kiss his cheek again, I slowly start to move my lips towards his as I kiss his face. We start to kiss each other and it’s very…..intense. He’s running his hands through my hair and touching my throat. I either touch his face or put my hands on his chest.



We eventually stop and start the movie again. He positions himself so his back is against the armrest and I’m leaning my back on his chest while sitting between his legs.

He plays with my hair and starts to massage on my arms. I make the comment that I’m pretty sore from working out with my new trainer the past few weeks. He tells me he notices my arms are different and more toned. As a typical man he starts to touch my breasts a little and then goes back to rubbing my neck and shoulders. He eventually leans me up to take my bra off.


I turn and look at him then he touches on my face. I squirm and tell him to stop because he knows I don’t like that, he tells me, “I know you have a thing about that but…you need to just get over it. There’s nothing wrong with your face.” I tell him I just don’t get why he always wants to touch my cheeks, he replies, “I’m not sure why but I just really like your cheeks. I just want to touch them.”

I laugh and roll my eyes, as I lean back again he rubs my neck and then starts massaging my face. As we continue watching the movie, we finished our drinks so he makes one more for us just to share. He comes back and we are sitting up together talking, he then turns me to face him while he is playing with my hair. He has both of his hands in my hair, just massaging my head and playful pulling my hair. I laugh and sigh because it feels good. He pulls me close to him and we start kissing again. This time it really escalates. As we are kissing he pulls back and asks if he can touch me, I look away and give a little shrug. He asks me again and makes me look at him, I nod my head yes.

He slowly puts his hand down my pants. I had gotten my wax last week so I was still very smooth. (Much to my relief!) Once he reaches my pussy he immediately closes his eyes and lets out a small moan. He begins by just playing with my clit because he knows how sensitive mine is and he easily brings me to an orgasm. Then he starts to slide a finger inside me and that really gets me excited. I start to moan louder and I’m clinging to his arm. I have a hard time letting myself go and lose control enough to really enjoy that moment. He knows this so he will hold my hand away from his so I can’t stop him. I reach over to touch him and he’s hard as a rock. I mean, hard. At some point he pulls me onto his lap and then stands up with me wrapped around him. He carries me like that to his bed.

As he sits me on the bed he grabs me, lays down and then he set me on top of him. He pulls me down to him and kisses me so hard. Then I sit up and he takes my shirt off. As he plays with my breasts and I start to instinctively grind on him he asks me if I want to suck his dick. I nod my head yes but I don’t move down there immediately, I continue to kiss on his neck. He asks me again, knowing I can’t resist and then I make my way down. I unbutton and unzip his pants then I start to suck on his dick. I eventually have his pants pulled all the way down and he positions me so I’m sideways and he can still touch me.


As he’s fingering me and talking to me I start to have a hard time concentrating on sucking his dick. I finally say something like, “If you don’t stop I’m going to want to fuck you.” He then puts a second finger inside me which causes me to cry out, I’m pretty tight, and he says, “Are you sure? That’s only two fingers. Do you think you can take what’s in your mouth.”tumblr_myreqfNNfI1soljxao1_250

I nod my head yes and straddle him. He leans over and grabs a condom and some lube. I take his shirt off and then I take my pants off. He puts some lube in my hand and I rub it on his dick. Going either slow or fast while I rub the lube on. He then puts the condom on and flips me over. I start to put myself on my stomach but he flips me over on my back and then he’s inside me.

Oh. My. God. It was the best feeling in the world. He had to go slow a little at first, as I’ve said before, he is a well endowed man. But once he starts going he changes between me having my legs wrapped around him to putting my legs over his shoulders. It hurts a little when he has them over his shoulders because he’s really deep inside me. He kisses me then leans into my neck and tells me how good I feel and how tight I am. I remind him that he’s huge but feels amazing. Then he lifts my hips and leans back so I’m on top. I ride him for a long time, and one thing I really like is he’s good at still having some control even when he’s on the bottom. He will grab my hips and change my pace or direction. Or he’d make me get still while he moved underneath me. I turn sideways and he fucks me hard like that. He then turns me around to reverse cowgirl but I lean back on his chest some while he holds my hips. I can’t even count the orgasms at this point. Eventually he turns me around again. I tell him I want him behind me. He doesn’t even come out from inside me when he’s turning me around. He then starts to really fuck me. He’s pulling my hair and starts to really slap my ass. I start to get really loud at this point, which is typical of me. I tell him I want him to come for me and he moans. He continues to fuck me then asks if I’m ready for him to come or if I want more. I tell him I need him to come. He then fucks me hard, slips out from inside me, whips the condom off and comes on my back. He did ask if he could, by the way, he has done that before.

Once he cleans me off I roll to my side, I literally couldn’t move because this had taken an hour at the very least and I am not use to that at all. He goes to clean himself off and I put my pants and shirt back on. He makes a comment about “round one” and goes to the bathroom. I sit on the couch and check my phone. I had a text from the boyfriend telling me what bar he was at. I didn’t respond at that point.

He makes a joke that I didn’t really get to watch the movie but I tell him it’s not my fault he was distracting me. He laughs and puts his clothes back on.


The Russian and I then sit on the couch and start talking about, well, anything and everything. Work, friends, what we’ve been doing lately and then tv. It wasn’t weird or awkward after we had sex it felt pretty normal. We were talking about people going out to find somebody to just find somebody to bring home and he tells me he isn’t like that. I instantly roll my eyes and say “Yeah right” and laugh. He tells me he isn’t and doesn’t want me to think that.

We kiss more and just sit together while watching a funny movie. Eventually we realize what time it really is and both decide I need to go. He walks me to my car and tells me to be careful. We hug and then start to kiss again, it gets a little heated and he tells me I need to stop starting stuff. I told him he’s the tease which causes him to kiss me again. I get into my car and head back to the house.

He texts me once I’m almost there, he quotes a movie and I ask him about it because I couldn’t remember where it was from off the top of my head. I make fun of his “old age” and then that was it.


I haven’t heard from him yet today but since I know he’s actually busy with some serious work projects I’m not too worried about it. Plus, we all know how he acts after we’ve seen each other. I take it as a plus he actually texted me that night.

I’m not getting my hopes up about him again, I realize that he probably isn’t going to take any real intiative with me until I’ve finally moved out and I’m on my own again. I can’t say I blame him but at the same time he’s running the risk that while he’s busy doing that I could meet someone else. Most people have told him I won’t be single long…I don’t really believe that but it’s really whatever.

Is it weird I’m also happy to have finally had sex again? Not just sex but amazing, multiple orgasms sex? It probably sounds super slutty but it’s true. Now if I could stop picturing it in my head and getting me all excited.

Until next time fair readers…..


If you have any thoughts or advice please feel free to share them with me. I would definitely appreciate it!


No Set Expectation


It’s been a week since my last post and what a week indeed.

I went out of town for about two days last week and was able to be out of the office for those two days.

On the second day I was out I heard from the Russian. Nothing extravagant but he was trying to joke and play with me, and I also heard from him on the next day as well. He wanted to know if I was going to an event in our city and I told him I wasn’t sure. I ended up going to the event but I didn’t mention it to him.

We didn’t speak on that Friday but the next day was his birthday and I sent him the usual “Happy Birthday!!” text. We ended up speaking pretty much the entire day. He had asked me what my plans were for the night and I stated I had dinner plans then was thinking of going to my hometown for the night. We joked with each other as we talked like we usually do.

He didn’t have anything planned for his birthday that night and inevitably he asked if I wanted to go hang out at his friend from work’s house. The friend pretty much knows the situation, since this whole thing pretty much started at his house. So when I get there the Russian is in the kitchen with his friend’s girlfriend’s little girl. We start joking together and making fun of the Russian. She is a sweet little girl and it was fun talking to her.

We all three eventually sit in the living room watching tv and continuing to make fun of the Russian. He tells me to be sweet and I roll my eyes and continue to act like a smart ass. I wasn’t going to be all sweet to him.

When she leaves with her mom it’s just the Russian, his friend and I in the kitchen talking and drinking. Eventually he decides it’s time to leave and he asks if I’m going to follow him back to his place. I kind of shrug and say sure. He walks me to my car, gives me a hug, kisses my cheek and tells me that I look really pretty tonight. I laughed and got into my car.


As I’m following him he texts me every now and then while we drive. I know, no texting and driving but it happens and I eventually tell him to worry about his driving. We get to his house and I park in my usual spot and get out. He meets me in the garage and puts his arms around me then kisses my cheek and neck. He lingers by my neck for a little bit and then I follow him into his house.

He puts the DVD we left off on the last time and makes us a drink. I joke with him about something and he tells me I’m not being very nice. I remind him I’m only playing with him. He makes a comment that the nicer he is to me the more of a smart ass I become to him. I kind of shrug and smile. We start the show and he pulls me into him so I’m leaning on him more. He continues to play with my legs and arms. Every now and then he would play with my hair and kiss on me. Eventually he leans me forward and asks if it’s okay if he kisses me. I nod my head and we kiss for a little while. Eventually we resume watching the show and talk about what is going on and joking around. We finish that drink and he asks if I want another and I say sure. As we start another episode he again leans me forward but this time it’s to take my bra off, as usual, and then we lay down on the couch.

At some point I turn to face him and we start to kiss pretty heavily, one thing leads to another and I start touching his member. Then he whispers what I like to hear and I’m slowly making my way down to suck his dick. As this proceeds on he’s talking to me and touching me. He always keeps one hand in my hair so it stays out of my face. This continues on for a long time, I’d say at least 30 minutes. When he finishes he pulls me up to lay on top of him and we lay like that for a little while. I joke about something and he starts the show again. As usual, a woman’s breasts are shown on the show and he makes the comment that he really likes mine and that they are very nice. I say thanks and laugh, he asks me why I laughed and I just say, “Well what else am I supposed to say when you compliment my tits?” He grabs my hair and tells me to be nice.

As expected, at some point things get intense again and I start to give him another blow job. I also had been drinking for a while at this point and I look at him more during this one. He makes a comment that if I don’t stop looking at him like I was he was going to fuck me. This continues on for I’d say about 20 minutes, he keeps saying how badly he wants to be inside me and all that. I don’t stop what I’m doing and he finishes. He again pulls me on top of him and I lay on top of him for a while. Eventually I guess we fall asleep like that. Something happens, he might have snored, but I kind of woke up to check my phone. It’s about 3 am and I definitely wasn’t thinking it was that late.


He asks me if I want to just stay the night there. I believe I said something like, “If it’s okay with you” and he tells me he wouldn’t offer if it wasn’t. So we lay like that for a little bit more.

Then he says if I’m going to stay there we may as well go to bed. At some point, after he has pulled his pants up and I’ve put my shirt back on I make some smart ass comment and he pushes me down on the couch and he gets on top of me. He grinds against me, pretty much teasing me and then he pulls me up and walks me to his bed.

He takes his sleeping pills and lays down in front of me but pulls me towards him so I’m big spoon. Well I kind of wiggle around to get comfortable and sigh a lot. This is just something I do. He tells me, “If you don’t stop with those noises you’re going to get me in trouble.” I laugh and tell him I can’t help it I’m just getting comfy.

I have a hard time sleeping in places I’m not familiar with. You would think I’d be familiar as hell in his house but I’m not. So it took me a little while to fall asleep but eventually I do. At some point I wake up and he’s kind of wrapped around me sleeping. I adjust myself to get more comfortable and go back to asleep. He gets up at some point to go to the bathroom and he comes back. I had apparently taken my shirt off in my sleep as I normally do, just a heads up. My back was to him and he pulls me closer to him and he starts to rub on my back and then my legs. Then he starts to try to put his hands down my pants. At this point I’m definitely awake. I stop him and tell him no, mainly because I’m due for a wax but also I didn’t want to have sex because apparently he just gets weird after sex. I finally tell him that I’m waiting for my wax this week and I don’t want him touching me. He informs me he doesn’t care about that and I tell him that I do. He, being a man of course, starts a conversation about shaving and waxing trying to distract me from his hand. I inform him I do both but I prefer waxing and if I shave it’ll set my schedule off. Eventually he gets the hint and stays out of my underwear but he proceeds to play with me until I have a few orgasms. He starts to get himself worked up and I give him another (yes that’s three!) blow job. This was at, seven am maybe?

We fall asleep again for another hour or two, I wake up and he’s rubbing on my ass and my back. One thing leads to another and….you guessed it, number four happened. He at first asked if I was sure because I had done a lot already, I remind him that I really enjoy doing this. So that one happens and after he finishes we lay together for a while, he runs his hand up and down my back and plays with my hair. I make a comment about his bed and he says yeah it forces you to lie next to me. I then say “Yes, that was unfortunate.” And he rolls over and pins me down to tickle me. After we have been lying around and joking we both sit up to get dressed. He gives me some water and we talk for a little bit. Poor guy had to witness me with not only bed head and crazy sexed up hair, but also my makeup was pretty much gone, I had mascara under my eyes and my eyes and lips were both puffy. I definitely didn’t look cute.

He walks me to my car and tells me he’s glad I came and stayed. I tell him the same and we kiss goodbye, he tells me to be careful. I drive back to the house and get there while the boyfriend is gone. I quickly jumped in the shower just to rinse off. I realize my lips are indeed puffy and swollen, that’s an obvious sign something was up.

Thankfully I was home alone for a few hours so I was able to rest a little and relax. I had just texted the Russian I made it home and he had said “Ok”. We haven’t spoken but I feel after spending the night together it must be a little weird for him. Plus, I haven’t had a “sleep over” in over four years so I’m weird about it too.


I’m not sure what to think about this though, I don’t know if he expects to hear from me first or if I should give it some time. I’m definitely okay with giving it time; I’d prefer not to talk to him first.

I didn’t get to ask him about why we hadn’t spoken but I also know that at this time, whatever this is, I can’t set any expectations for him. And he can’t set any for me either.


I finally have found a house I love and we are slowly starting the paperwork process. I did tell the Russian this because he asked if I was still house hunting. I suspect he thinks I’ll just stop looking for houses when he’s out of the picture but at this point in time I think it is necessary I move out. With all that has gone on I need some space to think.

So we will see what happens next….



Just Stay With Me



I apologize for the delay in my postings, my company’s IT department is being finicky and I’ve had problems accessing my blog! And it’s nearly impossible for me to do this from home unless the boyfriend isn’t around. Now let me think of where I left off…

After the rendezvous in my previous post, which was on a Wednesday, and we had continued talking to each other during the week. On Friday, we were texting each other back and forth. Just being super flirty and what not. Somehow we got on the topic of rating each other, I think I had said , jokingly, if he wasn’t such a good conservationist I probably wouldn’t be that interested  in him. He rated himself a 7-7.5/10 and said that number isn’t the reason I talk to him. I had told him I rated him higher and he didn’t believe. Then we were talking about the rating system and how 10s are hard to come by but that 9s are model worthy. He then tells me I’m more than able to be a paid model (I use to do some modeling before but pursued school to get my degree). He then rates me as a 9/10 which blows my mind. After this discussion I change the subject to what he was doing, which was watching a particular show.

The next day we talk pretty much all day. He found some of my portfolio pictures on my Facebook and asked if there were anymore to see. I sent him some that aren’t on there and he just about lost it. He was telling me he really like how my hair was done for one shoot and how if I showed up at his house like that he’d have a hard time restraining himself. Well as the day progresses we talk back and forth. Sending each other funny pictures and such as well. This is the most we had talked to each other since November.

That Saturday the boyfriend and I got into an argument so I decided to go see my parents and I ended up staying at their house for the night. We had some family over and they were joking with me betting I couldn’t still fit into my old cheerleading uniforms. I put on one of my favorite ones and took pictures and sent them to the Russian. He said he liked my vanity and thought one of my bracelets was a collar (which is weird). And of course he liked the outfit. We got to talking and I had asked why I would bring collars to my parent’s house, his response:

Him: “I should have assumed you were there but I never looked passed you to see you were on the second floor of whichecer place you were at. My eyes hit the mirror and you and seemed to stop there.”

The conversation continues until we both pass out.

Then it continues on Sunday when he wakes up. We start talking about family and things like that. After a few hours later he reveals he is watching “The Godfather” and asks if I had ever seen it.  We then get into a debate about movies and shows; I’m shocked he’s never seen that movie and some other classics. Eventually I start the drive back from my parent’s home back to my town. When I tell the Russian this he asks if I’d be able to make a pit stop to see him. I was pretty much in some pajamas since my stay with my parents was pretty impromptu and I told him this. So I go over to his house, he had just gotten out of the shower. This was the first time he had ever seen me fresh out of a shower with no make up on so I was a little nervous. He hadn’t eaten yet so we left to get food. As we got, he ate while I watched tv and talked to me.

After he finished eating he laid on the couch with me and had me lay on his chest. As usual, we started kissing but kept it fairly controlled. I’ve noticed he really likes just to be kissed on, like his face, neck and places like that. So I’d occasionally kiss him like that. Well eventually one thing leads to another and I am on top of him while we kiss. He keeps his hand on the outside of my pants but rubs my clit, which he knows drives me wild. He does this and at first I was trying not to have an orgasm but he quietly tells me, “Come for me,” and I do that. It’s the first time I had actually let myself do that with him in a while. I, of course, return the favor and give him a blow job. There is something about doing that to him that drives me crazy, I’ve always really enjoyed giving BJs but with him it’s like I can’t get enough.

Unfortunately I had to leave shortly after all this in order for nothing to seem suspicious. I get back to the house and we text for a little while.

One thing I’ve noticed with the Russian is after we’ve been together he gets shy or something for a day or so. The next day, we didn’t talk until later that afternoon. It’s as if he feels weird afterwards or waits for me to talk to him. And I’m old fashioned and pretty stubborn so I normally won’t say anything. The next day, Tuesday, we were off from work and I literally didn’t hear from him till later that afternoon but we talk normal. The next day, which was Wednesday, has become I guess our usual hang out nights. Well I didn’t hear anything from him but sent him a text about how slow the day was going and he joked around with me about it and that was it…until later.

Him: “Totally forgot today was Wednesday…”

Me: “Oh did you?”

Him: “You didn’t”

Me: “I’m well aware of what day it is lol”

Him: “I didn’t get the hint when you texted at 3:30. I was stupid busy and went straight from work to get a massage after work”

Me: “Lol I just figured you were busy and had plans”

Him: “I just got home”

I then asked him how his massage went and all that. I then make a comment and say it’s his own fault he’s home alone.

Him: “You could’ve reminded me snob!”

Me: “Snob? That’s not nice. And I honestly didn’t think you wanted to so I didn’t mention it lol”

Him: “That’s not the case at all.”

Me: “Well not to sound too forward but if you don’t have plans I can probably hang out tomorrow.”

Him: “You need to get your own place!  ____ and I are both off Friday so we’re gonna either grill and drink or go to ______ or something and eat.”

I then tell him that I know that and I have plans to go look at houses the next week. So we start a discussion about houses, location and what I’m looking for. And then after we talk for a little while longer we both go the sleep.

The next afternoon he tells me he thought he saw me in the hallway so he decided to make a funny face but it wasn’t me it was another woman in the office. She kind of has the same hair color as me and is tallish. He was asking if other people confused us and I said a few have but she is married. When I mentioned I notice wedding rings on people he made a comment and I asked what he meant:

Him: “Because rings mean you can fool around and the won’t tell on you?”

Me: “Uh no lol I think once you’re at that level of a relationship of being engaged or married you shouldn’t feel the need to fool around at all. Of course, the doesn’t stop people but still.”

Him: “Good answer”

Me: “That’s not something you mess around with in my book.”

Him: “Agreed. Most people agree and cheat too though”

Me: “That’s just not my thing, once you’re committed like that you need to be open and honest if something is wrong. Worst case scenario you can go to therapy and work that shit out.”

Him: “Or even worse divorce…but don’t cheat”

Me: “Yeah if you’re at that point in the relationship just separate and divorce. But that’s like the very worst thing. I never want to go through a divorce.”

Him: “Me either coming from that”

Me: “Yeah me too.”

There are moments during our conversations that I feel he is trying to scope me out and see how I respond to things. Now I know I have other readers who currently are in affairs and I don’t judge you…look what I’m doing! That’s just my views on marriage, because I see my mom and stepdad’s marriage and I aspire to that greatly. I’d never want to cheat on my spouse or vice versa. I just wanted to clear that up! 🙂



Since that was Thursday night and I knew he would be out I didn’t really want to bother him with texting so I didn’t reach out to him. He did how ever text me much later that night.

Him: “Sup _____”

That was at 1 a.m. and he used a pretty derogative word knowing it would crack me up but I won’t share it here.

Him: “Really…”  He sent that at 2:15 a.m.

He knows I’m normally a night owl but I had taken some sleep aid so I could catch up on my sleep. I told him this when I woke up that morning.

We ended up talking throughout the day and quoting movies to each other. He eventually asks what my plans were for the night and I at that time didn’t have any. I asked him and he said he planned on being home since his friends were getting married the next ngiht. I asked if he wanted company and he said yes. Now this will be our first Friday hangout, either in a long time or even ever.

I was able to go over there on a Friday and we proceeded to hangout. When I got there it was about 6:45 p.m. and he was making drinks for us. I go inside and we decide on a movie we had talked about earlier.

The movie starts and we’re just drinking and laughing like we normally do. As it gets to certain parts we would say them at the same time and things like that. He always points that out to me, I’m pretty oblivious to it actually. Well as usual we start kissing each other and things progress. He ends up pulling me onto his lap and starts to play with my clit and causing me to have several orgasms; I of course return the favor to him. After this part he makes us more drinks and we talk about movies and what we will watch next. He gets one that I hadn’t seen before and we start watching it.

If things get sporadic, bear with me, I had been drinking that night. Well, I didn’t have a set curfew and the boyfriend didn’t seem that interested in where I was going or where I was so I barely heard from him.

During the second movie I am interested in it and we watch it seriously for a little while. Then things just kind of get crazy. We were playing with each other and I tried to tickle him again, he pulls me over his lap and proceeds to slap my ass. Now, I will say I love that. I’ve always enjoyed that and some hair pulling. Both of these facts he knows. So he proceeds to play with me and slapping my ass…quite hard too. To the point I’m on the verge of having another orgasm, he pulls my hair and slaps my ass a few more times until I come. I then get out of his lap and kneel in front of him to give him a blow job. As I’m mid BJ he’s telling me how pretty I look doing that, etc. And then he stops me and pulls me on top of him saying, “Come here to me” and lays me down on him. To which we fall asleep like that, his arms wrapped around me and me curled up on him. Eventually we get up and he takes me to his bed.

This is where things get interesting. He takes his pants off and pulls my shirt off (the bra has long been removed at this point). He puts me on top of him where I proceed to grind on him as if we were having sex. He’s touching me all over, but I still don’t let him into my pants. So we roll around on the bed together, touching each other and kissing. At one point though, he proceeds to pull my pants down and puts his dick in my pants. I believe I literally said, “Whoa!” and he said the usual, “I’m not going to try and fuck you, I just want to feel you near me.” And I told him he needs to not do that because it’s just teasing the both of us.

Eventually, I’m laying on my side and he’s behind me cuddling me. And of course, we end up falling asleep together. I don’t wake up until he squeezes my arm and asks me what time it is. That’s when I realize it is 3:30 in the morning. I check my phone and the boyfriend texted me only once. So I gather all my stuff and get ready to leave. He hugs me and kisses me goodnight, telling me he doesn’t want me to leave but to be careful.

I get home and the boyfriend is passed out asleep. I get into bed and go to sleep. I wake up in the morning after the boyfriend has left that morning. And thankfully I did wait, because the Russian left bruises in the shape of a hand on my right ass cheek!!

Now we fast forward through the day, and as usual he doesn’t really talk to me the next day which I’m fine with. But he texts me late that night after the wedding and in his usual fashion he tells me he’s “waiting on me” and causes me to think.

The next we talk some but it isn’t a whole lot. I did inform him he left a mark on me and he seemed fairly pleased with himself over that fact (men). During this week we’ve talked more and when Wednesday came along he told me he was going to have dinner with his dad that night. I was fine with that and even told him it was okay with me.

Later that night he tells me he wished he would have cancelled dinner so he could have spent time with me…this definitely caught me off guard.

And tonight I will be seeing the Russian again and I’m sure it’ll be an interesting night again. Is it bad that I can’t wait just to see him? And that I can’t wait to smell him and feel his arms around me.

Ladies and gentlemen, I’m officially in trouble.

In Case You Ever Foolishly Forget, I’m Never Not Thinking of You


Well the Russian and I had yet another rendezvous last night. It wasn’t a well planned one as we decided to hang out a few hours in advance. When I got there I guess I was a little awkward…but then I should back up and explain why.

During the earlier part in the week we were talking about whatever, I think about an injury he is dealing with, and I was showing sympathy towards him about it. He then made a comment implying he’s got a girl a day that can baby him if he needs it. I thinking he was joking so I said “Oh congratulations” and he said “You were the last one to come” and to this I glared at him (emoji) which led to this conversation:

Him: “What?”

Me: “Oh don’t what me”

Him: “One…I’m being truthful. Two…you live with a guy…Three so don’t squint at me!”

I think I said “What the fuck?!” out loud at that point. I mean, I’m not an idiot; he is a single guy and can do whatever the hell he wants but just to so blatantly say that shocked me. I just played it off as whatever and didn’t really respond to him. So he goes on to try and joke with me that I’m late for my appointment to “tata” him since he’s hurt. We joke about this and move on.

As the night wears on he starts to actually ask me questions about myself that are kind of in depth. The first one being if I felt bad about seeing him. Now, I should explain that at first I felt like shit. Literal shit. I had problems sleeping, eating and just relaxing. I’m still a gigantic ball of anxiety because of what is happening. Add in the fact I have never cheated before and don’t even know how to keep a secret like this to myself. Well I explained to the Russian that it weighs a lot on my conscience and that I don’t feel bad anymore which is weird for me since I didn’t think it would ever go away.

He then asked me if I was being completely honest about never cheating before, to which I told him yes. I tell him that I’m not good at hiding stuff, which is very true. I’m the one who (before this) had no problem letting anyone go through my phone, social media sites or anything. I don’t hide stuff. He then brought up the fact I seem calm when he has called while we were together. I told him that after years of practice with my mom I can control my tone of voice over the phone, but in face to face situations I just can’t lie. I physically make it obvious. But, back to the phone, I told him if I didn’t watch my tone my voice would get shaky and weird.

I was curious about these questions because I’ve often wondered how a relationship with him would progress (if it even did) considering the circumstances. I would be afraid he’d have trust issues with me, which would be expected I mean, look at this situation. I feel I’d have to reassure him for a long time I wasn’t “messing around” with anyone. My nature is to only have eyes for the person I’m with, I literally don’t see other men when I’m with someone else. But somehow, I saw him.

Well the discussion continues with him asking me questions about my past and things like that. Somehow the conversation got to yelling in arguments and I told him I don’t do yelling. If you yell at me I literally just shut down and leave. I explained this to him and he agreed with me that he doesn’t like yelling or tolerate it. That’s all cool and fine. So now I can fast forward to last night.

I guess I was giving off a weird body language to him. I did have a wall up when I first got there, after how the conversation went Monday I just felt the need to be that way. Not in a mean way, just not be super sweet. He apparently caught on to this quickly. He asked if I was mad at him or something, I laughed and said “No, if I was mad you would know” and he said he thought I didn’t yell, to which I replied there are more ways to show you’re mad than yelling.

Well we put the movie in and cuddle on his couch. The movie was okay, I wasn’t super impressed with it. Well we were drinking and talking during it which was really nice. Then he starts playing with my hands and hair. We get slightly frisky and have a fairly steamy kissing session. At that point he gets up to fix us more drinks and we adjust our seating arrangements. This time, I am like I was the last time, my back laying against his chest and he’s kind of seated up. Well he then sits me up to remove my bra, because, “It’s getting in the way.” So I lay back and he continues to play with my hair and hands. I instinctively reach up with my left arm and wrap my arm around his head. I play with his hair, massage his neck and touch on his face. I didn’t realize what I was doing till I could feel him hugging me tighter at certain times and then I slowed down with that. But he would kiss my head and just rub me. Well the movie started getting a little slow and we got friskier.

I seductively started sucking on his finger and slowly I started doing it more. This lead to him groping my breasts more, which caused him to realize how sensitive they are and he kept on with that. He did a few times try to sneak his hand down my pants. And he knows I usually resist that, only because that to me is personal and since I had finally let him not only touch me there before but also fuck me, I’m much more cautious now.

So he, for lack of a better word, rubbed my clit through my pants. Which ended with me coming and having an extremely hard time keeping my resistance up. Well we calm down a little after that to watch the movie some more. It was getting closer to the end and we were mainly cracking jokes about it and not paying much attention. Well we started kissing again, I know I’ve said it before but the Russian is an amazing kisser.

Well things progressed further to the point I’m on top on him and unbuttoning his pants. He knows how much I like to be asked to suck his dick and he proceeds to ask. And that begins. I’ve always enjoyed performing this activity with my previous boyfriends and I find myself enjoying it even more with him. He plays with my hair and tells me how he’s feeling and is very responsive to what I’m doing. Well this continues on till he finishes, after which he pulls me up to him and kisses me. Then he lays me beside him while he rubs my back. Well he end up just laying there talking to each other, me topless and him with no bottoms. I then go back and forth between playing with his member and touching his face with my other hand. We get friskier and I teased him with another blow job but stopped. We talk dirty to each other and he tells me how much of a turn on I am. Well once we finally come to terms that I need to leave I stand to get dressed and he bends me over the couch to play with my ass and pretty much tease himself and me. Once we finally get dressed and I’m walking to leave he’s hugging me harder and kissing me more, saying he wished I didn’t have to go. And I agreed with him. I then drive home much later than I should have been. I get to my house and let the boyfriend know I’m home. I text the Russian and tell him I’m home. I passed out but this morning I saw he sent, “Thanks for letting me know, sweet dreams :)”

So that was my night, and all I can think of is I can’t wait to see him again. I had tried Sunday to talk with the boyfriend about how I had been feeling and what I wanted. It did not go as expected. I’m pretty terrible at expressing my real feelings and what I want. The discussion gets to the living situation and he states that if we lived separately than he wouldn’t want us to continue seeing each other. And I can understand that but at the same time, I’m afraid to let the relationship go because of my fear of being alone. So now I’m just torn on what to do. The Russian I know isn’t going to wait forever, even if he is actually wanting to be with me. But what happens if I leave my boyfriend and just feel immediate regret? I’m on the verge of calling a medium or psychic who will charge me for advice.

Oh well. Until next time dear readers!