A New, and Sweeter Journey

I’m not sure if anyone wants to know recent updates with my life. But I need to get this out one way or another, so enjoy!

Are the Russian and I still broken up? Yes. Have we still been seeing each other fairly regularly and pretending things are okay? Yes. Will this be continuing anymore? Fuck no. Why, you may ask? Because it has been made abundantly clear to me that the Russian has just been using me and taking advantage of my feelings for him. Now, does he realize that we won’t be continuing things? Of course not. I’m done. Done with the endless feelings of heartbreak, embarrassment, worthlessness and just unwanted. He is so kind and caring when he needs me in his life, but gives me NOTHING. So, I’m done. Easier said than done of course, but I’m trying. Seriously trying.

I cannot bear the idea of dating another guy/man child who can’t be honest with me on what he wants or whatever. And also expect me to spend more time, effort and money on them with nothing to show for it. So I’m trying things a little differently at this point. This is going to make my blog much more interesting from here on out I believe.

I do want to ask, how do you make that final step to remove someone from your life permanently? The issue with me doing that to the Russian is that I know he will show up to my house wanting serious answers as to why I won’t speak to him. I can’t necessarily give him an answer without revealing my sources. But let’s just say that when he tells me one thing, that is obviously not what he means and not what he’s telling other girls. I just can’t believe I was this stupid for the past almost three months after we ended things. I thought he genuinely wanted to work things out, and see if we could really be together. Now I just realize he is in fact just a player who doesn’t want commitment because he will never be able to commit. It completely broke my heart when these things were presented to me. Basically broke me as a person for a little while. I no longer truly believe in love, which may make my dating style much more enjoyable. I’m hoping to have him fully cut out of my life by next week. I’m making baby steps in my very own, disappearing act, to treat him to. It’s about time he experienced one after all the ones I dealt with. Do I sound bitter?

Amazing sex aside, it isn’t worth it anymore. Small moments of affection and false sense of hope can’t keep me content anymore. I’ve been back to my serious workout routine and I’m back in great shape. He has noticed and makes sure to mention it to me. But that is no longer for his benefit. I’ve never been really “single” before so I’m excited for this new journey and I hope you’re ready to read all about it!

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2 responses to “A New, and Sweeter Journey

  1. Hey, thanks for the comment on my post! 🙂
    And don’t give up on love, that’s just too sad 😥 A broken heart is better than no heart at all, right?

  2. Hey, girl! I somehow missed your last post where you mentioned that you and the Russian broke up! I’m sorry to hear that. As far as you wanting to remove someone from your life permanently – you just have to commit to letting go of anything that connects you to them. Delete and block them on social media, delete their number from your cell phone, or if they text or call you, just ignore or block. Refuse to see them and TELL them that you don’t want to see them. I had to do all of these things with my ex-husband. He was hurt by it and did try to keep in contact but after a while he got the picture and stopped contacting me. He and I really needed space from each other, and us talking or seeing each other only kept bringing back the hurt and frustration, so us stopping contact was what NEEDED to happen for my own sanity. We’re actually friends now (not close, but we keep in contact). I’ve moved on, I’m remarried, and he’s living in a different city. It was difficult at first to keep my distance. He wanted to keep having dinner and coming over to talk, etc., but I knew that I wasn’t going to heal if I continued doing that. You just have to make the choice to end contact. If the Russian shows up to your house, just don’t answer the door or his texts. He’ll get the picture and leave you alone. Being newly single can be very exciting! After being with my ex for 11 years, I was very excited to see what was out there! Have fun with it! I’m sure you’ll meet another great guy, one who will value who you are and will treat you the way you deserve to be treated! xoxo

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