Really Need Some Help

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I know it’s been a long time since my last post and I’m sorry. Life has been hectic and a lot has been going on for me. But at this point in time I could really use some opinions and help. I’m still with the Russian and we’ve been doing the typical couple things, like taking trips together, spending basically every single day together and making decisions. I should probably start off by saying the past month has been hardest for the Russian and I. We’ve been arguing more with each other about little things and I know most of it is my fault. I made the biggest mistake and I shouldn’t have even thought about it. I went through his phone and I found something that I can’t let go of no matter what I try.

This happened after he got extremely drunk and had been pretty rude to me before he passed out. When he was completely out I decided to just look at his phone, not intending to even find anything but of course, I did. I happened to find this app called “Sbox” and it was password protected, it was the same password to get into his phone. When I put that in all my feelings changed. He still had a lot of the pictures I had sent him a while back, but he also had pictures of another girl he didn’t date but had pictures together on social media. She also has a boyfriend now. I know the pictures are old because some are before mine but the others are mixed with mine. I didn’t even know what to think or feel at that moment. I’m a pretty open person and porn doesn’t bother me, I would have much preferred him having looked at porn than keeping these photos.

It isn’t something I’ve brought up to him yet, mainly because I don’t know if I should or even how. Since seeing that it’s made it almost hard for me to have any trust in him anymore. I don’t know what to do because even he has noticed how I’ve been different. He picks up his phone to text or it goes off and my anxiety levels just go up. I now am just afraid maybe he’s cheating on me or doing something he shouldn’t. We got into a pretty big disagreement almost two weeks ago. I used the wrong word when describing our relationship and made him think I didn’t view this as a serious relationship. I had to apologize a million times to him and do all these things to make up for it. Which, I get I hurt his feelings and it wasn’t intentional at all but he never apologized for when he hurt me back at the beginning of the year. I even brought that up and it was like I should realize he was in a rough place and should just forget about it.

Now there’s like a wall between us. From his back pain and mood swings causing me to not feel wanted to now all this I don’t know what to do. I want to be with him and when we are our normal selves everything is perfect but I can’t help having these terrible feelings. I just need help with what to even do. So any opinions would be greatly appreciated. I can give more details if it’s necessary but I just had to get this little bit out first.

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5 responses to “Really Need Some Help

  1. Oh my dear..the only advice I can have for you is to communicate with him what is going on. Communication is the key to everything. It’s the key to a better understand, a misunderstanding, or problem that needs fixing. Sometimes it’s hard finding the right words to even start such a conversation, but if you don’t share with him what is going on, you can’t expect him to help you through them. Hugs!

    • Thank you so much for your kind words! I think it’s a tough subject to even bring up and I like to make sure I know everything I want to say beforehand. There have been many times I have come close to just blurting it out and haven’t. I need to just get it out in the open and hopefully solve the problem!

  2. I went through my ex’s e-mail once, and like you, found something to validate my worries/suspicions. It was the beginning of the end for us because I didn’t trust him after that. Had I not read it, I probably wouldn’t have known the entire truth. However, my situation was quite different – he actually slept with someone else and I found emails he wrote to her.

    I can understand why you’re hurt or might feel uncomfortable about finding those photos. I would too. I think that you two should definitely talk, but I don’t know if I’d tell him you looked in his locked phone, though. That’s a bell that cannot be un-rung. I mean, it’s up to you, but men do not react very well when they feel threatened, pressured, defensive, or confronted. If he knows that you looked in his phone, he might feel more and more like he can’t open up and talk to you and might start pulling away even more. My advice though is to talk to him about your concerns, and do NOT look in his phone again.

    • I always look forward to reading your advice. I know these photos are from well over a year ago and we weren’t a couple then it was just a shock to me. I have a post to write about what happened this week. I will say, lesson learned because it’s caused the worst month for our relationship. I always have known better than to do that, because more than likely you find something you shouldn’t. I more than likely will never bring up the photos, I just hated that feeling of having my trust broken again.

      • No, I totally get it. I learned my lesson though. I never looked through his stuff again, and I have never snooped through my current spouse’s things or phone. I look forward to reading your next post! Good to hear from you! Hope things are better soon. 🙂

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