Well apparently I really messed up Tuesday night and I didn’t even realize it. During the day Wednesday we chatted a little bit but it wasn’t our normal talk and he seemed a little shorter with me than normal. I knew not to expect to see him plus I had a girls night planned with a friend already. Well, while at dinner I was texting him and trying to play with him. This is when I realized I did something wrong.
Me: “But you’re being mean! I’m pouting over here (that was said in a Boston accent)”
Him: “Suck it up. You called me a pussy several times yesterday so I have zero remorse”
Me: “When did I call you that?!”
Him: “You know when”
Me: “That’s a slight blur but I don’t remember saying that…I’m sorry ;/ “
Him: “Yeah I didn’t like it at all ;/ “
Me: “I’m so sorry, I don’t even remember saying that and I won’t say it again I promise. Are you mad at me about that?”
Him: “I’m not actively mad about it. It was a huge turn off though”
Me: “I figured you were mad about it, I probably was thinking of a way to rile you up. Lesson learned.”
He then sent me one more text asking me a question that didn’t pertain to that conversation, I answered it and then he said nothing else to me. Okay. I do not recall calling him a pussy while we were rolling around on the bed. I feel bad that I did but I know myself well enough and probably was just trying to get to me a little rougher with me. So I must have told him to either stop being one or I called him one. Insert foot straight into my mouth. Great, so once again step forwards and more steps back.
Yesterday we talked off and on during the day. He told me the time we would be going to this BBQ on Sunday. I once again tried to joke with him about things and he joked back a little but not that much. After we talked then I didn’t hear from him for a while, I was a little upset when he didn’t even ask to see me or if I had plans. Well he randomly told me he had dinner with his brother. I have been all for him to have these dinners with him and be a present big brother for his younger brother. We talked about the dinner and how it went. He didn’t honestly seem to be trying too hard to keep the conversation going. We hadn’t talked about the weekend yet but I was assuming I would see him before Sunday. Then he sent me this an hour later.
Him: “Just an FYI, I’m gonna watch the UFC fights Saturday night with Clay”
Me: “Oh okay”
I’m not against him doing that at all, I’m glad he’s seeing his friend and all that. But is it selfish of me to think well when are you going to see me? I was slightly frustrated so I decided to try and get to the bottom of things.
Me: “Can I ask you something?”
Me: “I kinda feel like you’re upset with me, am I somewhat right?”
Him: “No why”
Me: “I guess just the way you’ve been, usually that signals to me something’s wrong. So I wanted to ask and find out if it had something to do with me, and if so, what exactly it is”
Him: “The other day was weird but I didn’t know I was acting funny…and if I am, how?”
Me: “You’re just being a little distant with me compared to how you normally are. I thought you were mad or upset with me.”
Him: “I moved”
Me: “I know you did I helped you.”
Him: “Yea…so I’m not home alone”
Him: “Watching a movie with my grandmother right now”
Me: “I know you’re not and that’s not what I meant. I’m sorry for bringing it up.”
And that was just the end of it. He didn’t text me after that movie and has yet to say anything to me. It isn’t like I knew he was watching a movie with her, he easily could have said something earlier and I wouldn’t have brought that up then. It’s like he threw my worry under the rug and maybe I’m worrying for no reason but if you could see his texts and our conversations compared to last week/weekend/early this week to the past few days even you’d notice something was different. And it isn’t like I’m initiating any conversations but at the same time I know better. Just like today I don’t really know if I’ll even see him and I know I won’t Saturday. If Sunday still happens I’ll be really surprised. The last time he watched the fights with Clay he got so drunk his hangover lasted the entire next two days. I had to bring him food that morning and baby him the entire day.
I feel like I’m constantly walking this thin line between him really caring for me and being happy with me and me being this big disappointment. I want to know when I do things like that because they don’t typically happen. I make mistakes, everyone does, but to throw a mistake in my face and calling it a huge turn off makes me wonder. He has done things to turn me off but I don’t hold it against him, I don’t think I’ve told him of those moments. I just make sure they don’t happen again and maybe that’s what he is just doing. I also now feel even more uncomfortable about any sexual moments. I’ve been so on edge with the “slow down” on sex with him and not initiating anything that now I’m not sure how to be.
Eh, I just don’t know what to do. I’ll see if he says anything to me or even asks to see me. I just am confused I guess. I will just let him decide if he wants to see me any time this weekend. I already have people that want to make plans with me but he knows he usually has first priority of my time. Maybe time apart this weekend wouldn’t be a bad thing when I think of it.
Oh well. Thoughts, opinions and advice are always welcome as usual!