Starving For Truth

who did that

Is it typical for men to be such complicated creatures?  I sit and type this while at work on my last day for the week. Yay holidays! I don’t have anything to do as some of our servers are down and I can’t really do anything without one so I’ll just write.

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And I’m not sure if anyone is really wondering or not but the Russian did finally text me back. Here’s a recap of the conversation: Russian had asked me about NYE and if I had any plans or what I typically did for that night. Considering I was dating someone for several years we always went out and drank the night away or took out of town trips. I mentioned the basics of this “just go out or go out of town” to him. He on the other hand mentioned family stuff he typically does. I then sent the following text:

Me: “Are you inviting me for Wednesday?”

THREE HOURS LATER.

Him: “I hadn’t yet but I was planning on it :)”

Me: “Well that’s good to know lol :)”

And that was all that was said last night. Nothing else.

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Granted, we do spend a lot of time together but that’s more his doing than mine. He’s usually the one asking to see me or do something. Which is exactly what I prefer, every now and then I’ll ask him if he’d like to see me. But as mentioned before Mondays are usually a gaming night for him and I know this.

Is this what it’s like to truly miss someone? I just want to see him and lean my head on his shoulder then feel him put his head against mine. I’m so bad at admitting my feelings to people because in my past as soon as I do they either run away or just take advantage of that. So I’ve been testing the waters with him by sending cute texts or telling him something in person. But he still confuses me sometimes.
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Is it because he finally caught the pretty, shiny toy and now that interest has faded? Am I still too intimidating for him sometimes? Or am I just making dramatic scenarios up in my head as an excuse to pull back emotionally? Ugh. The man did spend quite a lot of money on me for Christmas and my birthday so it isn’t like he would just jump back right after that, right?


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I would feel so much better if he would just ask to see me and then hold me for a little while. Also, some sex would be really great too. My last relationship was basically sexless and I’m quite a sex fiend, my friends basically call me a man because of my sex drive and constant thoughts of it. You would think after years of being deprived of it and told no, even if it was just typically five minutes, I would be use to not getting it. But man, once you’ve had really good sex you just can’t stop it like that. And I’ve had the best sex of my life with the Russian so it’s hard when you don’t have it for a while.

I know I agreed that we needed to focus on the relationship itself and not just the sexual side; we both know that chemistry isn’t going anywhere. Hell, he’s told me when I touch him, in a nonsexual way, he basically tingles all over. I know it was my choice not to have sex on my period though because I just really hate the messiness of it. I’ve got to get on that birth control that you only have your period once every three months.


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Basically this is just me ranting and getting emotions out with no holding back. I apologize for this, I’m just in a cluster fuck of emotions and thoughts right now. See, this is what happens when you aren’t cuddled or fucked in a while. Weird thoughts happen and you just need to be held, cared for and then fucked.

Any thoughts? Or has anyone felt this way before? Share your thoughts! I’m here all day….literally.


universe

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