Am I the Only One?


After my last post I had another night with the Russian. This one was different than the others for sure.

For the first time he asked to see me and I wasn’t able to go see him. He had been texting me some last Wednesday and I guess that should have been my hint he wanted to see me but I was just busy and didn’t notice. Then he sent me a texting asking about watching our show that night. This is how that conversation went:

Me: “Tonight?”

Him: “Yea, just got off sorry”

Me: “Lol it’s okay, I want to but it’s my gym night”

Him: “So come at 7:30”

Me: “I go at 7, pay attention!”

Him: “And go again…not all people do all 3 hours in one night lol”

Me: “I don’ do three hours I go MWF lol”

Me: “I might be able to tomorrow night”

Him: “Ok, loser”

Me: “Oh don’t sound so thrilled about it ass”

Him: “I’m not lol”

Me: “Oh so you’re not even the tiniest bit thrilled to see me? Thaaaaankkkksss ass lol”

Me: (Insert our glare emoji)

Him: “Not thrilled about waiting a day drama queen”

Me: “Yea yea, it’s just a day! I gotta stay in shape so you don’t trade me in lol

Him: “True true”

Me: “Keep on cruisin old man”


Then we had a normal conversation and he was asking about anything new about my house. Well the next day I was fairly busy so I didn’t text him till about 3:30 that afternoon asking if I should still plan on coming over. I didn’t hear back from him for about an hour so I figured he just didn’t want to see me so I went about my business at the house. Well I got a text from an email address that I realized was him and he was asking me about that night. I informed him I had texted earlier but it must not have gone through. So I told him I’d be there between 6:30 and 7. He asked if I would pick up food and I didn’t mind so I did.

When I got there he was on the phone and stayed on it for a little bit. It was obvious it was about work so I just started eating and waited for him to finish. When he got off the phone he was really upset and it was obvious. As we were eating he went on to tell me about some work issues he had been having and how they were making him feel. We talked about that for a good hour and a half, I could tell he needed to vent so I let him. Once he got it out and we talked about what he should do next he relaxed more and made us drinks. When we picked up the show where we left off we kind of talked about other random things and just played with each other.

About halfway through the first episode his phone rings and he goes into the other room to talk. Well this call lasted like 20 minutes and I was trying to not let it aggravate me, it did a little bit but I got over it. When he came back in the living room he apologized again and paused the movie to talk to me about the call. It was someone he works with that he really respects and looks up to who was giving him some advice. It was something I had suggested earlier and he said he was definitely going to do that now.

We both started watching the show again and he realized I needed another drink so he went to fix some. I was joking with him and giving him a hard time and he was joking right back. He kept telling me I didn’t to put my tough exterior away and just relax. I told him I wasn’t doing that, I honestly didn’t think I was but I think subconsciously I just do that. Well I started being sweeter to him and kissing on him more. Then I started to tickle him. I’m not sure if I ever posted this but the Russian is super ticklish and I use it to my advantage  a lot. Well eventually we got into a tickle fight and he had me pinned on the couch tickling me, I was pretty much yelling and laughing while he did it. He wouldn’t stop until I said “sorry” twice to him.


I finally relented and he pulled me up next to him. As I was leaned against him we started talking about each other’s bodies. He made a comment about not understanding why he just didn’t have a six pack already. I told him I thought he looks great and I can tell he’s been working on it. He then tells me he can notice a difference in me too, not that I needed it but that I’ve become more toned.

We talk a little bit about it and then, as usual, he starts touching my face and grabs my cheeks. I pull back, make a face and tell him to stop. He reaches out and grabs my face super quick and questions me about why I don’t like him touching my face.

“Did someone do this to you that you didn’t like or do you think you just not like your cheeks?” I tell him it’s just because I think I have big cheeks. Which is true, I have always thought my cheeks were just big. We start talking again and he makes a funny statement about my bra. He tells me to take my bra off, I tell him if he wants it off he can remove it. He takes a handful of my hair and pulls my face towards him, “You heard me, take your bra off. Don’t make me ask twice.” Well, I can feel my rebellious side come out and I get excited he might…chose to discipline me so I tell him again, if he wants it off he can take it off. He lets go of my hair and laughs that I don’t listen very well. He stands up to go to the bathroom and says, “It better be off when I get back in here.” So I listen that time and take it off, but I don’t say anything when he gets back.

When he’s back on the couch I kiss his cheeks that I normally do. I start by doing that real slow, spacing out the kisses by a few seconds and make my way to his lips as usual. He reaches up and puts his hands on both sides of my face and kisses me back. He eventually slide one hand down and grabs my breast. He leans back and says, “Oh, so you did take this off.” And he smiles at me, he continues to rub on my breasts and then he wants to know if he can ask me something. I nod my head and moan a little cause he hasn’t stopped touching me, “What size are you?” I tell him I’m a small C, and he says he was going to guess that or a bigger B. I make a remark about not having big breasts and he says, “Just  because someone has Ds doesn’t make them pretty. And yours are so pretty.”

I laugh and say thanks; he grabs my face again to continue kissing me. I eventually slide my hand down to touch him. I had bumped his member with my elbow when we were kissing and wanted to see if he was hard like I thought. And he sure was. So I give him a tug and moan while we kiss. He leans me forward and nudges my head down, this causes me to look at him and lift an eyebrow. He tells me just to give it a little bite; he was wearing basketball shorts so I do as he asks through his shorts. I lean myself back up and lean against him. He has his arms around me and I’m still groping his member. He tilts my head up and asks me a question I wasn’t expecting.

“Am I the only one?” I was surprised he asked me this, since he never really has before. And to be honest, since he and I had picked things up again since February he has been the only one. So I look at him and I say, “Yes, you’re the only one.” He grabs my face and tells me to be honest, I can tell he’s really studying my eyes so I hold them open and repeat what I said. I also add, “I’m not going to lie to you, there’s no point.” He kisses me and says, “I always believe you when you look at me like that with those big eyes.”


He reaches towards my pants to touch me and I kind of push his hand away. He looks at me and smiles, “Bad time this week?” I nod my head and yet he still reaches inside my pants. I smack his hand and ask if he didn’t understand what my nod meant. He tells me he just wants to feel the top and I tell him I’m not smoothly waxed anymore I’m in between. He tells me he doesn’t care, which freaks me out. I’m not crazy hairy but I don’t like having hair period, but as he touches he asks how long it has been and I tell him maybe four weeks. He tells me that it’s still pretty smooth for that long. Then he takes his hand away and tells me that I need to trust him more when he does that.

He sees some light reflect from my yoga pants and he grabs the top of them and I kind of push his hand away. He tells me he just wants to see my underwear. I laugh and say too bad because I didn’t have any on. He looks at me and asks that even on my period I don’t wear them. I tell him I just don’t wear panties with yoga pants. I make the remark that I’ve always been more comfortable with less clothing on. I tell him how I hate wearing pants and I prefer shorts, dresses or skirts. He tells me I’m just saying what he wants to hear. I informed him I haven’t told anyone that fact, but my mom knows because I’ve always been that way. He shakes his head and tells me I’m so sexy and I don’t even realize it. I roll my eyes and kiss him some more.

Things progress further and I ask if I could suck his dick. Needless to say, he gave me permission. 🙂

I hadn’t really given him a blowjob since his birthday (the night of four BJs) and I’ll admit I was pretty excited to do that again. Once he came for me he pulled me up to him and I told him he shouldn’t deprive me from doing them. He laughs and says he hasn’t but he just loves being inside me. I tell him I like that too but I love doing this. We finally get back to watching the show and talking. I was feeling pretty bold at this moment and I ask him about why he sent me a text over the weekend and never said anything back. He claims he was testing me. I say, “Russian (full name), I have told you that makes me feel weird. If you want to talk to me then talk to me!” He looks at me and says, “The same can be said for you, little girl.” I laugh and tell him alright but it still makes me feel weird to text him.

Eventually as the night gets later we decide I need to leave soon, now I’m not sure how this happened exactly but he pulls me across his lap and gives me three hard ass slaps. My god, can the man spank some ass. When he finishes doing that he tells me that’s a reminded to behave. I laugh a little and tell him, “Yes sir” while we stand up. We start kissing and he proceeds to touch me through my pants, I resist a little at first but then I relax and let an orgasm just happen. He then lifts me like that and bends me over the front of the couch, while he grabs onto my ass I reach between my legs and touch his dick. He moans when I slide it out of his shorts and rub him against my clit, through my yoga pants. Eventually I turn around and kneel down in front of him. I give him a second BJ, and this was the first one with all the lights in his house on. It was weird for me because I hadn’t seen his dick like that yet but it was also super exciting. After he came I stood up and he leaned his body against mine and said I was going to kill him with those. I remind him he needs to stop depriving me. This could have been the alcohol talking but as I was walking behind him I leaned forward and told him I really want to give him another one already. He groans at me and says we’d be up all night if we didn’t have work (and if I didn’t need to get to the house). What can I say, I really enjoy giving him blowjobs.

As I was getting in my car he told me to let him know when I made it back in as usual. He texted me some while I was driving and then when I made it home I let him know. Friday I asked him how his meetings went and we talked for a long time. Nothing since, I did run into him at the office though. I had parked and was walking to the door when I saw two men standing by it. I could tell it was him just by his back and the way he was standing. He turns around and tells me “Hey” I smile and say “Hello” and keep walking.

I realize now he probably wants me to text him more but that’s so weird for me and when I did it before it always seemed I was bothering him with it. But we will see what unfolds from here.

What are your views on being the first to text the other person? Any advice on how to handle that or if you would even do that with a man you were seeing? 


2 responses to “Am I the Only One?

  1. slashwritergirl

    I just wanted to let you know that I love reading your blog! I can relate to it in more than one way, for sure! As far as texting first, I had the same problem when I was having a “thing” with my guitar instructor. I’m not good at being the aggressor, and I hated being the first one to text because I felt like I was pushing or something, and we all know that men run away when they feel pushed… lol. I was feeling a lot of the same frustrations with him that you’re feeling with the Russian, until I finally just flat out asked him what it was he wanted. Once I had my answer, which was he didn’t think he could be a good boyfriend at the moment, I didn’t have to stress about wondering anymore, and I was able to let him go. It sounds like you at least know for sure what it is that makes you unhappy, and you’ve made the steps to get out of your current relationship. Kudos to you on that! You continue to write, and I’ll continue to read! 🙂

    • Thank you so much slashwritergirl! 🙂 I’m glad there is someone that can relate to what I’m going through and offer their advice and thoughts. I’m not sure if I’ll ever get use to initiating a conversation with him. I just wasn’t raised to take that initiative with men so it definitely is something I struggle with. I’m working on my next post about that right now! I think once I have worked up more courage to ask him what it is he wants from this “relationship” I’ll have some sort of relief. He tells me in his own ways that he does care for me and wants me there with him but I need to be direct. That should be a fun conversation!! Lol!

      I love reading your blog as well! And you are super strong to ask your guitar instructor what it was he wanted. But there is no point in wasting time on someone who doesn’t want a relationship if that’s what you’re looking for!

      It makes me feel good someone actually reads my blog! It definitely helps me when I need to vent and get all of my thoughts out lol. You keep writing as well and I’ll keep reading!

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