What is it that person a person want something? That craving urge that you just have to have something. Where does this come from? And why can’t I make it stop?
I have been asking myself lately what it is that I want? Unfortunately, I have not been able to really answer that question. One thing I want to know is why do people claim to want something, but fall away when they are close to getting what they wanted?
I feel this way right now in regards to the Russian. If you read my post from last week you’ll remember that he was (as I felt) going down the same path as before. But he spoke to me a little every day. However, over the weekend he spoke to me like before. Friday night he was texting me from 1:30 in the morning to a little after 4. He had his guy friends over gaming and he finally told me that was what he had to get things ready for. I had randomly told him I like to game too, even though I had revealed this to him when we were first getting to know each other.
He claimed I was just trying to say the right stuff and I told him I had been gaming since I was young. I did say that I’m not the best at it but I just like to play.
The next day I heard from him a little, then during the later part of the afternoon he was talking to me more. Then again he was texting me late at night while they were playing again.
Him: “You should have came and played with us”
Me: “Well I didn’t get an invitation! You’re playing again tonight?”
Me: “Not my fault you didn’t ask me old man”
Him: “We’ll have to play one day”
Then the conversation carried on a little until I passed out. The next day he texted me during the afternoon asking what I was doing and as usual, I was cleaning on a Sunday. He said he was being lazy and that I should come take a break at his house. He then asked if I’d be able to watch a few episodes of the show we have been watching or just for a few minutes. I told him I could probably watch a few episodes before leaving.
I think this was the second Sunday we’ve ever hung out together. The last one was only because I was leaving my parents’ house and he was on my way to my house.
Now when I got there he was laying on his couch already, so I laid down in front of him and put my back against his chest. We started talking a little about what was on tv and were joking around. This was one of the times we spent together not drinking or anything. Eventually he starts the show and picks it up where we had left it off last time. When the credits were starting he made me turn to face him and made some comment about me putting my ass towards him and then he kissed me. It was fairly enough, to the point he paused the show and pulled me on top of him. He had then began to play with my breasts and eventually slowly made his way to take my bra off. Once he did that he really started fondling them at that point. Eventually we stopped kissing and he had me laying on top of him, with my head laying on his. I felt like I was hurting him so I moved down a little and put my head on his chest.
We continued to watch the show at this point. Laughing and talking at certain points together. During this point I’d kiss on his cheek or neck because I know he likes that but also I like doing that as well. He would rub on my back and squeeze my hip from time to time. Eventually we started to kiss again and things eventually picked up some speed, he started to make me…I think the term would be “grind” against him. To the point I couldn’t take it anymore so I leaned up to his ear and whispered, “May I suck your dick sir?” And he groaned and just said, “Please.”
I made my way down and started doing that to him. As usual, it was great for him and me. I didn’t want to stop and he usually lasts for a long time, I’m talking anywhere between 15 to 30 minutes and I love that. At some point he asks if he can take my shirt off and I nod my head yes. I continue sucking his dick until he comes. When he’s finished I slide myself up and lay there in his arms. He jokingly says something like all that hard work wore him out. I laugh and say something smart back. He comments on how fast my heart is beating and I remind him what I just got done doing. We lay like that for a little while and then he starts the show back up and I roll over.
I’m still topless so he continues to play with my breasts throughout that episode finishing and then the next one started. Every now and then I’d turn my head to kiss him and he’d kiss me but then he’d turn my head back to the tv. I kept playing with him about that a few times, eventually I resumed watching the show. Since I was laying in front of him he would put his hand on my hip and rub on my side. He had the arm that was under my stretched out, so every now and then I’d play with his hand and fingers; he would do the same to me.
At some point I was facing him again and we started kissing again. I eventually reached my hand down to feel him and, not surprisingly, he was hard again. After more kissing and touching he asked if I wanted to taste him again, I said yes but kept kissing him. He put his mouth next to my ear and asked me, “Will you please suck my dick again?” I moaned a little because he knows how much that turns me on. I then whispered for him to say it again, which he did, and then I started to suck his dick again.
This whole time, like last, he’s whispering little things to me and calling me baby like usual. This time it takes him about the same amount of time, maybe closer to 15 minutes to come again. He pulls me up to him afterwards and I lay next to him on my stomach, with my arms stretched up a little. He starts to massage my neck and shoulders. I eventually put my head and his chest and we lay there like that for a little bit longer.
This had been well over two hours at this point. I tell him I should probably go soon, I grab for my bra and shirt and put them both back on. He walks me to my car then kisses me and hugs me bye. He then tells me to behave myself and I tell him to do the same.
I decided to stop by the local book store and while I was browsing I realized I never told him I made it home. When I get there I text him, he asks if I got lost and I explained where I was. He called me a nerd and joked with me.
The next day I texted him first, nothing serious just something funny about me having to deal with paint fumes, he seemed concerned a little until I explained it. But then yesterday I didn’t hear from him at all, and today is Wednesday. The day we usually hang out with each other and I still haven’t heard anything from him.
This is what I’m talking about when it comes to him. Why does he do this to me? It’s so confusing sometimes. I’m not the one to go chasing after him because I felt like last week it was weird but then over the weekend things were getting back to normal. I don’t know if he’s doing his weird, awkward post get together thing. Which I wish would just stop because that is so annoying.
I just don’t know how to take him at all, and I don’t want to burden my friends with this because I feel the two who know this get tired of me talking about him.
So I’ll just vent here in the hopes someone can answer my questions for me.