Here We Go Again It Seems

hotmessWell it seems like the same thing that happened back in November is about to happen again. And this time I have no idea why and it hurts a lot more.

Last week we saw each other twice. One day it was for lunch, we ate together, talked and then laid down with each other. Of course, we fooled around some, no sex though. And everything was normal with us. He had a planned dinner with his family that night so we talked to each other while he was participating in that. And we were having a genuine conversation that night, discussing his family and mine. And literally every day we spoke to each other and had good conversations. It was completely normal and it was really nice.

Well Thursday we planned to see each other and we did. He asked if I would pick up some alcohol for us since he was out. I did of course and headed to his house.

At this point, my boyfriend was starting to act suspicious of what I was doing. Before he would never ask what was going on when I would be “hanging out” with my girl friends. He did that night. I explained to him what the plan was and he seemed okay with it. Well as I got to the Russians house I was a little nervous about the boyfriend.

The Russian fixed us drinks and we sat on the couch to watch the show. Now, a heads up to something, I had been on my period so I probably was letting things get to me that shouldn’t have. It seemed he wasn’t quite as affectionate as normal, I made a joke about it and we laughed it off. We ended up constantly playing with each other and tickling each other a lot. He kept telling me to watch the show when I’d kiss on him, he said because I would always say he’s distracting me from it. (I joke about it, as does he) So eventually things turn sexual, we start kissing heavily and I make my way down to suck his dick.

As I’m doing so, he is telling me that he wants to fuck me and be inside me. I had a hard time resisting that and I said something along the lines of “Not tonight” and he reaches down to reach inside my pants and I kind of squirm away. He pulls me up and asks why, I just tell him “Because” and he questions me about my need for control and if there is a reason for it. I tell him that’s not it and I want to but just…can’t right now. He looks at me and asks, “Is it that week?” I nod my head and resume my way back down to his dick. He then says, “I don’t care about that. I just want to be inside you.” I tell him I’ve never had sex during my period, which I haven’t it’s not something I care to do with the mess I assume it makes. He tells me he doesn’t care and if it makes a mess we can take a shower. I kind of shrug it off and he then says something that made me stop and confused me, “We don’t have to use one you, that’s the main reason of them. It wouldn’t bother me.” I assumed he was talking condoms and I just said, “I know you don’t care but I’ve never done that before and I don’t want to have a mess on our hands.” He tells me to go check myself and see if it’s okay. I kind of look at him and he asks if that day was the first day, I say no and he tells me it will be fine.

I go to the bathroom and…check myself; it doesn’t appear to be too bad so I go back out. He goes into the bathroom after me and I resume sitting on the couch, topless. He comes back in and says, “So is everything good?” I give a little nod and he tells me to take my pants off. I do so and he pulls a condom out, much to my relief. I like the Russian but I’m not an idiot. I climb on top of him in the reverse cowgirl position and we fuck like that, then with me on top sideways, and then normal girl on top. Eventually we move to a different area and he starts to fuck me from behind. I had been having a hard time relaxing till this point because I’m just paranoid I would leave a huge red stain on his furniture or something. Well he pulls out and I turn around, look down and thankfully there is no mess on him or me. Whew. Well he proceeds to remove the condom, stating, “See, no mess.” He asks me to suck his cock until he came. So I kneel down and proceed to do so, after he came I stand up and he grabs me and squeezes me against him.

I start to put my clothes back on and he throws his shorts back on. He comments that there was no mess and I didn’t need to be worried. Well after I pretty much just leave, it wasn’t as warm a good bye as usual but I could just be over analyzing it. I text him when I get home and he just says, “Good job ___” a nickname he calls me and then that’s it.

The next day he sends me a meme picture, I laugh at it and later send him one. He laughs at it and then I ask how his day was, since he was off.

Him: “Not bad. Worked out and since then I’ve been putting up the trim around the door and grouting the threshold. My back is not happy at all.”

Him: “Yours?”

Me: “I told you to go easy on your back old man lol and mine was okay, just the usual running around.”

And that was it for the entire day Friday, he didn’t ask about the sex like he usually would or try to hold any other conversation. So I write it off and go on with my night.

The next day went like this:

Me: “I looked at four houses today”

Him: “Any winners?”

Me: (Longish explanation of what I say, saying I loved two and was hopeful about them)

Him: “Not a bad day”

Me: “Nope”

Him: (Sends me a picture of the work he did on part of his house)

Me: “That looks really good, the color goes with the floor nicely”

Him: “Thank ya”

Me: “You did that by yourself?”

Him: “Yep”

Me: “Impressive old man, impressive”

Him: “I like the cedar look”

Me: “Yeah I do too, it’s nice”

And that’s it for Saturday. He just seemed so stand offish with me and I didn’t want to continue the conversation with him if he seems that way. The next day…nothing. I didn’t hear from him nor did I text him. Today I sent him another funny meme and he just responded with an “Lol” and nothing else.4680702886_56a6f2f5c9_z

I just don’t know how to take that at all. One minute he’s telling me his feelings and that he can’t wait till I move out and have my won place. And then now he’s acting cold with me. I’m trying not to jump to any conclusions but after being burned by him before I’m super cautious.

So what do I do? Give him a few days and just see what happens or prepare for the worst? In that case, he disappears on me again and I have to just deal with it.

Fuck. I am going to be so angry if this happens all over again and feel like a complete idiot.

Things with the boyfriend are absolutely no better. We got into a HUGE argument last night that involved me stating I had been thinking we shouldn’t live together anymore, that I just wasn’t happy and I didn’t know what would make me happy. I remind him that he pays no attention to me and only does when he wants something or if he notices I’m not all over him. Which I haven’t been since January. I told him I was tired of the fact if I wasn’t initiating everything then nothing would happen. He got upset and angry when I mentioned moving out. He said he wasn’t sure how that would work since we barely see each other and we live together. I told him exactly, we are like best friends that live together. He became really quiet at that point and I just walked away.

We slept in the same bed last night and he told me he wanted to try harder to prove that I’m a priority to him and I just broke down crying. I said, “You’ve said that before and it will last maybe two weeks and then nothing. It goes back to me feeling like I mean nothing to you. I don’t want to get my hopes up again but if you want to try then try. I can’t promise anything to you though.”

He woke up this morning like nothing was even wrong or discussed the night before.

So here I am, upset about the Russian and what he may or may not be doing. Upset with the boyfriend for finally wanting to prove himself but more than likely failing and showing me I don’t mean anything. Is it bad that I want the Russian to prove HIMSELF for once? But I have that intuition that I’ll end up disappointed by both of them.

Please, share your thoughts on all this because I have no idea on what to do next or expect.

 

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3 responses to “Here We Go Again It Seems

  1. ItMatterstoGrey

    I know it won’t be easy. In my case we talked about it and she felt it was what she needed as she just felt torn between both. I am struggling with it, big time. We are set to talk in a few weeks but I know it will just to say goodbye for good, I am not holding out hope for any other scenario, the odds are just too small for it to go my way. Good luck to you.

    • I would rather us have that talk than deal with him just not speaking to me. Without any explanation after he’s told me his feelings for me and that he wants me. I’m starting to feel so betrayed again because I really wanted it to be better this time. We shall see though, I hope it works out for both you and me.

      • ItMatterstoGrey

        what was that line in dumb and dumber…”so you are saying I have a chance!” good luck to us both…

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